(no subject)

[dukkhaboy]

Have you ever notice when you're driving around town, headed somewhere, and your mind wanders? You aren't paying the slightest bit of attention to where you're going, and without realizing it, you end up where you're headed without actually recalling the drive? Its an interesting sensation. Now, apply this to your life. you start off in a general direction, heading somewhere. you become sidetracked, but trying to attain that goal becomes less of an actual conscious thing, and more tied to something akin to ambition's version of muscle memory. I think this is what people mean when they say that things will "work themselves out". its not so much that some sort of celestial force takes hold of your life and gives you a violent shove in the right direction....its more that you fix things without even thinking about it. This leads into the whole vicious cycle thing. Some people need pain, need drama, need horrible things, in order to feel secure, and without realizing it, make bad decisions that put them back on that track. in essence, life is "working itself out" to get back to the way it knows, to the way you subconsciously are fixed into. Changing this is really, really hard. its called a rut. lots of people are in them. most people are in more than one. Job for today: Find a rut. get out of it. I don't care if its something as serious as finally breaking up with that person that you keep going back to, even though they're a worthless shit, or if its something as simple as changing the type of soda you always get at a restaraunt.

On a side note, Sometimes that muscle memory thing is good. sometimes you will always return to the path that you need to be on, no matter what distractions might jump at you. this is good. you WILL end up where you need to be, eventually. Just be careful that you dont forget the path that took you there. often times, the journey is more important than the goal.

Well, Im off to work. I'll try to remember the drive.