I need to write
why. why does my life just KEEP falling apart??
cody and I had another blow out the other night, so he's officially kicked out. I'm thankful, I was losing my mind.
so Eliza is here, just to pack up some stuff.
Then my dad calls me this morning. My mom had to rush to Maine because my grandfather was in the hospital.
then, 9:30pm, my mom finally calls me. He had a heart attack. he's in an induced coma until Tuesday. They brought in lawyers and such to do his last rights and last visits from family.
I'm stuck here in NYC bound to work until wednesday afternoon. I won't even get to MA until wednesday night.
and I'm so afraid it will be too late.
They're acting like there's no chance...but I'm hoping there is some chance he'll pull through. Maybe I'm selfish, but I can't handle that. It's the fucking holidays.
Also, my poor grandmother with her Alzheimers....she'll be beside herself. She can't take care of herself alone. We're going to have to spend the next month clearing out their home and putting her into a home, and fighting with her.
and I know I'm just thinking wort case scenario, but it's also realistically. I want him to make it, I do. God, I fucking do. Otherwise, this "could be the winter that kills me" gets 10 times worse. and my outlook is looking bleaker.
Seriously, KARMA, FUCK OFF. have I been that horrible of a human being?
this sucks. If you're religious at all, please pray. if you're not, please fucking sen some good vibes. PLEASE. I know I don't deserve any help, but it's my grandfather....
I've been such a dissappointment to him. god it hurts.
cody and I had another blow out the other night, so he's officially kicked out. I'm thankful, I was losing my mind.
so Eliza is here, just to pack up some stuff.
Then my dad calls me this morning. My mom had to rush to Maine because my grandfather was in the hospital.
then, 9:30pm, my mom finally calls me. He had a heart attack. he's in an induced coma until Tuesday. They brought in lawyers and such to do his last rights and last visits from family.
I'm stuck here in NYC bound to work until wednesday afternoon. I won't even get to MA until wednesday night.
and I'm so afraid it will be too late.
They're acting like there's no chance...but I'm hoping there is some chance he'll pull through. Maybe I'm selfish, but I can't handle that. It's the fucking holidays.
Also, my poor grandmother with her Alzheimers....she'll be beside herself. She can't take care of herself alone. We're going to have to spend the next month clearing out their home and putting her into a home, and fighting with her.
and I know I'm just thinking wort case scenario, but it's also realistically. I want him to make it, I do. God, I fucking do. Otherwise, this "could be the winter that kills me" gets 10 times worse. and my outlook is looking bleaker.
Seriously, KARMA, FUCK OFF. have I been that horrible of a human being?
this sucks. If you're religious at all, please pray. if you're not, please fucking sen some good vibes. PLEASE. I know I don't deserve any help, but it's my grandfather....
I've been such a dissappointment to him. god it hurts.