(no subject)
today I thought this:
Players are to plot what Neo would have been to the matrix should he have taunted Morpheus, taken both pills and swallowed them with a bottle of cheap vodka. That is what players do to plot....*sigh*
Plot on the other hand is a good thing, I have several of them typed up now and am just waiting to release them on the party.
It's that time of year again. Some people will know what I'm talking about, and one person who reads this also suffers from it. It's SAD time, woot *cheer*. I recently found out I have full SAD, not subsyndromal. Thankfully it's only moderate. Every year without fail, dark moods and angst set to turbo. It makes me feel my life sucks (which it doesn't) and that everyone some how hates me and is secretly putting me down behind my back. Now I know (well, at least hope) that this isn't the case. You guys are my friends because I trust you. Trust you to be honest with me, and trust you with what I tell you. It still doesn't change it, the SAD gets to me....I'm getting better with it, I can catch myself on the downward spiral, but you can do a lot of damage in a short time, and it scares me to tell the truth. People who know me well no that only a few things scare me. Horses, being alone, losing a loved one(inc friends) and myself. The main issue I'm having is work. I goto work at 6-7ish....I then work till 5ish. I spend the daylight hours underground, no sunlight. People who know about SAD will know lack of sunlight is a cause of it. I then have massive mood swings all day. I go from feeling depressed to fury in the blink of an eye. I also work alone in the kitchen...well usually, and mostly. Then there was today. The manager is in the kitchen working. But he's at the other end of the kitchen all day, not even in line of sight. Which is cool..not alone....but it's not. I am alone and worse of all I can't listen to the music I want to. He puts on some really annoying stuff I brought years ago. To my shame I am a fan of eminem, but I have to be in a certain mood to appreciate him. I'd rather listen to something with heavy guitar...but I can't. He doesn't like it, which is fair enough. But I just find myself getting more and more wound up. */rant*
I wonder about myself sometimes.....then again I'm being very careful.
a)I'm lucky to have this job. I upped and left for a 'better job' and they have taken me back when the grass was not greener. I have expressed thanks to them, but that will not be enough.
b) I can't let the SAD get to me. I have to beat it. I can't be a police officer, doing what I want to do (CID, major crime, gangs, guns, drugs and murder). If I let it control me, I won't be any good. If I blow up because it's getting to me I've cracked, they won't want someone who buckles...
c) Since I'm on a new contract I still have a little probation left and can be sacked if I cause a big fuss without any notice/reason.
so I soldier on. I know everyone doesn't like their jobs, but I worked for 9 straight hours coming off the back of a back to back close followed by open 18 hour marathon. I has a total of 7 hours between shifts, 5 of which I slept. Then last night brought further sleep deprivation. I was just so on edge to day. I had to make 150 pizza's, alone with no help. 80 of which were with in one hour since the whole world decided to come to the hut. *sighs*
But life /is/ good. I'm trying to make myself feel better about me. After much prodding on Pol's part I've decided to get one of the things I hate about myself sorted. My hair. I hate it. I have a high crown and a stupis high hair line. It looks like I've been bolding ever since I grew hair. So I'm actually getting something done to it. Captain Jack from Torchwood has fairly cool hair, and it's something I may be able to pull off. The only issue is it breaks my major rule of not using product in my hair. Then again, if I hate it some much I'll lump it :)
Life really is good. I live with my best friend, whom I'm getting married to next year. I'm an active part of a society I love, with people I like, I'm on the first few steps to my dream job, I'm young, fit, healthy. I have friends who I really get on with including a few who are people I never ever want to lose contact with. I live in a city I love, with two cute rabbits and an aging hampster. I have DMC 3, kingdom hearts 1 + 2, Angel, beer, food, chocolate, a weapons collection, WoW, dungeons, dragons, roleplay and my music. I am so really grateful to everyone and everthing in my life. I am genuinely happy with the state of my life. There are people who I want to see more of, and am trying to make time every couple of weeks to hang out with. Other than that there is very few gripes in my life. I work in acrap job yes, but at least my opinions and abilities are respected. My ideas are implemented and people listen to me. I have two amazing and enjoyable LARP characters and a whole host of table top characters. I have a pretty amazing life. I just wish it didn't take me writing it all down to see it and make myself feel better. But I do feel better.
Hope this ball of angst finds everyone ok.
Also, thankyou to everyone who turned up for my birthday. I may not have got to talk to many of you much, but it was really all I needed from the day. Most of my friends in one room. You all rock.
and this is genious http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=216
Players are to plot what Neo would have been to the matrix should he have taunted Morpheus, taken both pills and swallowed them with a bottle of cheap vodka. That is what players do to plot....*sigh*
Plot on the other hand is a good thing, I have several of them typed up now and am just waiting to release them on the party.
It's that time of year again. Some people will know what I'm talking about, and one person who reads this also suffers from it. It's SAD time, woot *cheer*. I recently found out I have full SAD, not subsyndromal. Thankfully it's only moderate. Every year without fail, dark moods and angst set to turbo. It makes me feel my life sucks (which it doesn't) and that everyone some how hates me and is secretly putting me down behind my back. Now I know (well, at least hope) that this isn't the case. You guys are my friends because I trust you. Trust you to be honest with me, and trust you with what I tell you. It still doesn't change it, the SAD gets to me....I'm getting better with it, I can catch myself on the downward spiral, but you can do a lot of damage in a short time, and it scares me to tell the truth. People who know me well no that only a few things scare me. Horses, being alone, losing a loved one(inc friends) and myself. The main issue I'm having is work. I goto work at 6-7ish....I then work till 5ish. I spend the daylight hours underground, no sunlight. People who know about SAD will know lack of sunlight is a cause of it. I then have massive mood swings all day. I go from feeling depressed to fury in the blink of an eye. I also work alone in the kitchen...well usually, and mostly. Then there was today. The manager is in the kitchen working. But he's at the other end of the kitchen all day, not even in line of sight. Which is cool..not alone....but it's not. I am alone and worse of all I can't listen to the music I want to. He puts on some really annoying stuff I brought years ago. To my shame I am a fan of eminem, but I have to be in a certain mood to appreciate him. I'd rather listen to something with heavy guitar...but I can't. He doesn't like it, which is fair enough. But I just find myself getting more and more wound up. */rant*
I wonder about myself sometimes.....then again I'm being very careful.
a)I'm lucky to have this job. I upped and left for a 'better job' and they have taken me back when the grass was not greener. I have expressed thanks to them, but that will not be enough.
b) I can't let the SAD get to me. I have to beat it. I can't be a police officer, doing what I want to do (CID, major crime, gangs, guns, drugs and murder). If I let it control me, I won't be any good. If I blow up because it's getting to me I've cracked, they won't want someone who buckles...
c) Since I'm on a new contract I still have a little probation left and can be sacked if I cause a big fuss without any notice/reason.
so I soldier on. I know everyone doesn't like their jobs, but I worked for 9 straight hours coming off the back of a back to back close followed by open 18 hour marathon. I has a total of 7 hours between shifts, 5 of which I slept. Then last night brought further sleep deprivation. I was just so on edge to day. I had to make 150 pizza's, alone with no help. 80 of which were with in one hour since the whole world decided to come to the hut. *sighs*
But life /is/ good. I'm trying to make myself feel better about me. After much prodding on Pol's part I've decided to get one of the things I hate about myself sorted. My hair. I hate it. I have a high crown and a stupis high hair line. It looks like I've been bolding ever since I grew hair. So I'm actually getting something done to it. Captain Jack from Torchwood has fairly cool hair, and it's something I may be able to pull off. The only issue is it breaks my major rule of not using product in my hair. Then again, if I hate it some much I'll lump it :)
Life really is good. I live with my best friend, whom I'm getting married to next year. I'm an active part of a society I love, with people I like, I'm on the first few steps to my dream job, I'm young, fit, healthy. I have friends who I really get on with including a few who are people I never ever want to lose contact with. I live in a city I love, with two cute rabbits and an aging hampster. I have DMC 3, kingdom hearts 1 + 2, Angel, beer, food, chocolate, a weapons collection, WoW, dungeons, dragons, roleplay and my music. I am so really grateful to everyone and everthing in my life. I am genuinely happy with the state of my life. There are people who I want to see more of, and am trying to make time every couple of weeks to hang out with. Other than that there is very few gripes in my life. I work in acrap job yes, but at least my opinions and abilities are respected. My ideas are implemented and people listen to me. I have two amazing and enjoyable LARP characters and a whole host of table top characters. I have a pretty amazing life. I just wish it didn't take me writing it all down to see it and make myself feel better. But I do feel better.
Hope this ball of angst finds everyone ok.
Also, thankyou to everyone who turned up for my birthday. I may not have got to talk to many of you much, but it was really all I needed from the day. Most of my friends in one room. You all rock.
and this is genious http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=216