Dazed and Confused
Good evening all,
I'm a bit tired and not looking forward to the amount of work that needs to get done after this entry, but I need to release some pent-up feelings and even more importantly, need some help, in embarrasing ways. I'll tell you about yesterday in a moment, but before I do, I need to say that after 3 weeks here, I've realized that I'm more emotionally and physcologically weak than I ever would have thought. To illustrate, lately, I've just been so homesick, though there are definitely many moments during the day when I am thoroughly enjoying myself. For example, today, I was about to call my parents and before I could, I just broke down. I don't know, but I don't have sufficient control over myself and its embarrasing to look at myself in the mirror this way. I know I should be more capable, but certain things here, that are just not going to get better are really taking their toll on me. I'm not making much sense right now, so maybe by the end of this entry, I can explain things a bit more clearly and coherently. So about yesterday...
With a free day on the horizon, I went with Marty, Barnes, Chaz and Dillon to Parliament in the early afternoon. We decided to save money by walking down there. It was a lengthy hike, about a half-hour but I am always up for exercise and conserving my finances. I have pictures, which I will post soon, that will give you a visual aid to place w/ our trip. We didn't quite get our full bang for the pound b/c we only got to see some hallways, the House of Lords and Commons and some of the entraceways frequented by the Queen. The majority of the building is comprised of offices, debate arenas, gigantic corridors and such and are off-limits to the public. Of the parts that were worth the price of admission were the gothe, ornate architecture that comprised many og the halls. For me at least, I got a spooky, weird feeling, touring a place that has the history of Parliament since so many greats and famous people in history have walked through the same exact place. So, following Parliament, we decided to make the most of our day and go to the Imperial War Museum. It was another 20-minute walk and by this time, I was beat and hungry as hell. I took in a few exhibits and then got separated from the rest of group because I had to go to the WC. I came back and they were gone so I texted Dillon to find out where he was and he responded, 'Basement: WWII Exhibits.' I went down there and with my brilliant sense of direction, could not find them. I searched and searched to no avail. So, I proceeded to look around myself, but then found a very enticing sofa to sit down on. I did so and fell asleep, sorta, for the next hour. After I recharged my battery to half-life, I texted Marty to find out where they were. By this time, the museum was about to close shortly and since I had to not seen any of them to this point, I thought they may have left w/o me. I waited and waited by the entrace to see if they were coming. That never happened so I went back in and finally found them on the second floor. We left at the closing time 6pm and went on the lookout for dinner. We were all starving and decided on a pub. To my amazement, the pub served Indian food, a vegeterian plate, no less. I was thoroughly impressed though I may have overpaid. From there, we went to another pub to bask in the times of Friday night. Again, to my amazement, this pub, the Lord Moon of the Mall, had my favorite drink (largely thanks to X) which I can't rememeber the name of exactly right now, but its the rum concoction and Pepsi. So, to Marty's pleasure, I graced him and the rest of the guys by joining them w/ a drink. From there, we walked back to their flat and crashed for a while. Dillon and I watched Las Vegas, which apparently is a really good show. Of course, showing girls in bikinis and little-nothings always works. We decided that we would go out and they decided on Printworks, an American/British club. I had slight reservations because I was about to take two large steps. I already reopened the drinking phase in my life and was now about to go to a club, another facet that is somewhat unusual of my character. We went on another expedition of a walk, got carded, got some shit from the bouncers for not having any girls, but luckily got in after all. It turned out to be a good night for the most part. I bought the first round for Marty, Barnes and I, which meant Coronas. I wanted to try something new and different, but was again turned off by beer. Marty and Barnes provided me w/ rums and cokes next 2 rounds, to my pleasure. By that time, we had made our rounds in the club on the lookout for people worth meeting. The crowd was disappointing, because it has the rep of being a place dominated by American students, but on this night was filled with British kids. Since they haven't begun school yet, they were out in full force. I also dislike the predominant smoking environment of pubs and clubs, but sucked it up. I also don't enjoy throwing money on drinks, because I don't consider it money well spent. This has been an issue, that for most would be unimportant, but is quite significant to me. I want to be prudent and fiscally responsible while I'm here b/c I'm not doing any service by spending in excess of what we usually pay while at Colgate. I already feel the weight of the world knowing the burden my parents have taken on during these four years and don't want to exacerbate the situation. Therefore, unlike others, I'm stingy in my spending habits and am very reluctant to by a drink here and there. I gave in last night, hoping it would be an anamoly. Around midnight, a few girls from our group and the guys from my flat showed up. This girl, Mary, a Tri-Delt, I don't know her last name, also came w/ Liz Turner. She's our year, and knew me quite well, which was really scary, but not via Facebook luckily, but through Ashley Wallis. When she came, I had finally finished my drinks off and was ready to call it quits, until she told Marty that she wanted to do shots. As a consequence, I couldn't back down from Marty's demand/offer so the 4 of us had god knows what. Be it knows, that was also my first shot ever. Not the exact group of people I wanted that to happen, but so be it. So, yet again, I was back into a tipsy-mode and her, Liz Turner and Justine led Marty and I to the dancefloor. We danced for a bit, you may see pictures on Facebook of this. I just wanted to have a good time so I was dancing like a fool with Marty. Unfortunately, Mary took me away from him and wanted to grind. I wouldn't even mention this if wasn't a problem because she had already told us she had a boyfriend and I didn't want to be getting that close to her, even if this was one of those nights that you will never remember again. After a while, I went back to Marty because I didn't want pictures to be taken that would be scandalous. I can't say the same about Barnes, though, he probably doesn't care because he's not as uptight and ultra-cautious as me. Barnes and Chaz had a goooood time. Dillon eventually joined us on the dancefloor and I got to give him credit. For not having any rhythm, he just doesn't care what others think and put that aside and made a fool out of himself. It was funny seeing him move. At one point, Marty asked for me to show him 'my move.' I showed him and he said that I gave him good dance tips. Tired as hell, Marty and I decided to bounce around 2 and not being fully in control of ourselves didn't help. This club was about 35 minutes of a walk away. We got home at 4am. It took us 2 hours to get home because of the extent and magnitude to which we got lost. Both of us paniced a little bit because we had to idea where the hell we where and actually ended up right back at the club when we really thought we were on the right direction home. Eventually, we found our way back, not before everyone else who left after us had made it home earlier. 4:30, I finally went to bed.
Miscellaneous stories:
I wasn't about to tell my parents of my adventures last night, so I told them it was a birthday party. Slightly true, because at the pub, we toasted to Marty's early b-day (next Sat.) Anyways, I hate lying to my parents about this and I'm just fearful of the consequence given that no one in my immediate family drinks. My cousin, a freshman at VCU, well, he's the exception now. But, I'm still afraid of my dad and am very very afraid that he would be upset that I succummbed to alchohol to have fun or something along those lines. He abstains because he wants to set an example for my sister and I to follow and straying from that path would have grave consequences, I feel. I guess that leaves me with no option but continue the masquerade.
Dillon had a knife pointed at him, in his face, during their visit to Amsterdam last weekend. They were walking in the Red Light District, drunk, at 4 am. Not smart at all of course. Suddenly, Barnes accidentally bumped into a drug dealer, who, according to them, said 'you just ruined my product, and now you're going to pay for it.' Of course, any of us with half of brain know that drug dealers don't carry their 'product' in their hands. Anyways, they bickered for a bit, at which point Dillon came over to Barnes' aid. Barnes tried to walk away from the whole encounter and now left Dillon alone to fend for himself. It was at this point, the dealer became incensed and pulled a knife on Dillon, which prompted Dillon to run a 40-yard dash and get the hell out of there.
I was glad that I wasn't hung over today because I was worried that I might have. Once I got home, I had a decent amount of water to counteract any chance of that from happening. However, I do have a sore throat and headache, probably from the deafening music that lasted for most of the night. The last thing I want is to get sick while I'm here. I miss Dr. Mom and don't think I can take care of myself. It'll be another life lesson, but I want to stay in good health as long as possible.
I'm in the middle of a rock and a hard place, if that is how the saying goes. Marty is always trying to get me to loosen up and have fun. It's obviously more easier said than done, b/c of my obstinance. Even though it was just one night, I do have regrets of drinking. Again, like many other things in my life, it should be a non-issue, but it doesn't come w/o any second-guessing on my part. Right now, between the issues of spending money wisely, missing home and you guys, trying to come to terms w/ my social life, I'm a total mess. I really shouldn't be because in all honesty, the one area, where most of my worries usually come from, school and work, don't present much right now. Maybe a good night's rest will do the trick. Thanks so much for listening.
I'm a bit tired and not looking forward to the amount of work that needs to get done after this entry, but I need to release some pent-up feelings and even more importantly, need some help, in embarrasing ways. I'll tell you about yesterday in a moment, but before I do, I need to say that after 3 weeks here, I've realized that I'm more emotionally and physcologically weak than I ever would have thought. To illustrate, lately, I've just been so homesick, though there are definitely many moments during the day when I am thoroughly enjoying myself. For example, today, I was about to call my parents and before I could, I just broke down. I don't know, but I don't have sufficient control over myself and its embarrasing to look at myself in the mirror this way. I know I should be more capable, but certain things here, that are just not going to get better are really taking their toll on me. I'm not making much sense right now, so maybe by the end of this entry, I can explain things a bit more clearly and coherently. So about yesterday...
With a free day on the horizon, I went with Marty, Barnes, Chaz and Dillon to Parliament in the early afternoon. We decided to save money by walking down there. It was a lengthy hike, about a half-hour but I am always up for exercise and conserving my finances. I have pictures, which I will post soon, that will give you a visual aid to place w/ our trip. We didn't quite get our full bang for the pound b/c we only got to see some hallways, the House of Lords and Commons and some of the entraceways frequented by the Queen. The majority of the building is comprised of offices, debate arenas, gigantic corridors and such and are off-limits to the public. Of the parts that were worth the price of admission were the gothe, ornate architecture that comprised many og the halls. For me at least, I got a spooky, weird feeling, touring a place that has the history of Parliament since so many greats and famous people in history have walked through the same exact place. So, following Parliament, we decided to make the most of our day and go to the Imperial War Museum. It was another 20-minute walk and by this time, I was beat and hungry as hell. I took in a few exhibits and then got separated from the rest of group because I had to go to the WC. I came back and they were gone so I texted Dillon to find out where he was and he responded, 'Basement: WWII Exhibits.' I went down there and with my brilliant sense of direction, could not find them. I searched and searched to no avail. So, I proceeded to look around myself, but then found a very enticing sofa to sit down on. I did so and fell asleep, sorta, for the next hour. After I recharged my battery to half-life, I texted Marty to find out where they were. By this time, the museum was about to close shortly and since I had to not seen any of them to this point, I thought they may have left w/o me. I waited and waited by the entrace to see if they were coming. That never happened so I went back in and finally found them on the second floor. We left at the closing time 6pm and went on the lookout for dinner. We were all starving and decided on a pub. To my amazement, the pub served Indian food, a vegeterian plate, no less. I was thoroughly impressed though I may have overpaid. From there, we went to another pub to bask in the times of Friday night. Again, to my amazement, this pub, the Lord Moon of the Mall, had my favorite drink (largely thanks to X) which I can't rememeber the name of exactly right now, but its the rum concoction and Pepsi. So, to Marty's pleasure, I graced him and the rest of the guys by joining them w/ a drink. From there, we walked back to their flat and crashed for a while. Dillon and I watched Las Vegas, which apparently is a really good show. Of course, showing girls in bikinis and little-nothings always works. We decided that we would go out and they decided on Printworks, an American/British club. I had slight reservations because I was about to take two large steps. I already reopened the drinking phase in my life and was now about to go to a club, another facet that is somewhat unusual of my character. We went on another expedition of a walk, got carded, got some shit from the bouncers for not having any girls, but luckily got in after all. It turned out to be a good night for the most part. I bought the first round for Marty, Barnes and I, which meant Coronas. I wanted to try something new and different, but was again turned off by beer. Marty and Barnes provided me w/ rums and cokes next 2 rounds, to my pleasure. By that time, we had made our rounds in the club on the lookout for people worth meeting. The crowd was disappointing, because it has the rep of being a place dominated by American students, but on this night was filled with British kids. Since they haven't begun school yet, they were out in full force. I also dislike the predominant smoking environment of pubs and clubs, but sucked it up. I also don't enjoy throwing money on drinks, because I don't consider it money well spent. This has been an issue, that for most would be unimportant, but is quite significant to me. I want to be prudent and fiscally responsible while I'm here b/c I'm not doing any service by spending in excess of what we usually pay while at Colgate. I already feel the weight of the world knowing the burden my parents have taken on during these four years and don't want to exacerbate the situation. Therefore, unlike others, I'm stingy in my spending habits and am very reluctant to by a drink here and there. I gave in last night, hoping it would be an anamoly. Around midnight, a few girls from our group and the guys from my flat showed up. This girl, Mary, a Tri-Delt, I don't know her last name, also came w/ Liz Turner. She's our year, and knew me quite well, which was really scary, but not via Facebook luckily, but through Ashley Wallis. When she came, I had finally finished my drinks off and was ready to call it quits, until she told Marty that she wanted to do shots. As a consequence, I couldn't back down from Marty's demand/offer so the 4 of us had god knows what. Be it knows, that was also my first shot ever. Not the exact group of people I wanted that to happen, but so be it. So, yet again, I was back into a tipsy-mode and her, Liz Turner and Justine led Marty and I to the dancefloor. We danced for a bit, you may see pictures on Facebook of this. I just wanted to have a good time so I was dancing like a fool with Marty. Unfortunately, Mary took me away from him and wanted to grind. I wouldn't even mention this if wasn't a problem because she had already told us she had a boyfriend and I didn't want to be getting that close to her, even if this was one of those nights that you will never remember again. After a while, I went back to Marty because I didn't want pictures to be taken that would be scandalous. I can't say the same about Barnes, though, he probably doesn't care because he's not as uptight and ultra-cautious as me. Barnes and Chaz had a goooood time. Dillon eventually joined us on the dancefloor and I got to give him credit. For not having any rhythm, he just doesn't care what others think and put that aside and made a fool out of himself. It was funny seeing him move. At one point, Marty asked for me to show him 'my move.' I showed him and he said that I gave him good dance tips. Tired as hell, Marty and I decided to bounce around 2 and not being fully in control of ourselves didn't help. This club was about 35 minutes of a walk away. We got home at 4am. It took us 2 hours to get home because of the extent and magnitude to which we got lost. Both of us paniced a little bit because we had to idea where the hell we where and actually ended up right back at the club when we really thought we were on the right direction home. Eventually, we found our way back, not before everyone else who left after us had made it home earlier. 4:30, I finally went to bed.
Miscellaneous stories:
I wasn't about to tell my parents of my adventures last night, so I told them it was a birthday party. Slightly true, because at the pub, we toasted to Marty's early b-day (next Sat.) Anyways, I hate lying to my parents about this and I'm just fearful of the consequence given that no one in my immediate family drinks. My cousin, a freshman at VCU, well, he's the exception now. But, I'm still afraid of my dad and am very very afraid that he would be upset that I succummbed to alchohol to have fun or something along those lines. He abstains because he wants to set an example for my sister and I to follow and straying from that path would have grave consequences, I feel. I guess that leaves me with no option but continue the masquerade.
Dillon had a knife pointed at him, in his face, during their visit to Amsterdam last weekend. They were walking in the Red Light District, drunk, at 4 am. Not smart at all of course. Suddenly, Barnes accidentally bumped into a drug dealer, who, according to them, said 'you just ruined my product, and now you're going to pay for it.' Of course, any of us with half of brain know that drug dealers don't carry their 'product' in their hands. Anyways, they bickered for a bit, at which point Dillon came over to Barnes' aid. Barnes tried to walk away from the whole encounter and now left Dillon alone to fend for himself. It was at this point, the dealer became incensed and pulled a knife on Dillon, which prompted Dillon to run a 40-yard dash and get the hell out of there.
I was glad that I wasn't hung over today because I was worried that I might have. Once I got home, I had a decent amount of water to counteract any chance of that from happening. However, I do have a sore throat and headache, probably from the deafening music that lasted for most of the night. The last thing I want is to get sick while I'm here. I miss Dr. Mom and don't think I can take care of myself. It'll be another life lesson, but I want to stay in good health as long as possible.
I'm in the middle of a rock and a hard place, if that is how the saying goes. Marty is always trying to get me to loosen up and have fun. It's obviously more easier said than done, b/c of my obstinance. Even though it was just one night, I do have regrets of drinking. Again, like many other things in my life, it should be a non-issue, but it doesn't come w/o any second-guessing on my part. Right now, between the issues of spending money wisely, missing home and you guys, trying to come to terms w/ my social life, I'm a total mess. I really shouldn't be because in all honesty, the one area, where most of my worries usually come from, school and work, don't present much right now. Maybe a good night's rest will do the trick. Thanks so much for listening.