Back From Maryland
Well, I'm back from Frostburg, and being reminded at every turn that I am, in fact, not a fairy princess living in a story of combat goodness and perpetual fun. Workshops are really good for lulling you into a sense of being that is so far removed from real life, sometimes you can forget what it's like outside.
Post-workshop depression is in play, and I'm spending quite a bit of time contemplating the questions 42 should answer, but it manages to remain an unsatisfying reply. Especially the parts involving my future. As a friend once put it, I feel like I've been handed a dull machete and turned loose in the jungle of life, and as I've been hacking for a few years now, I feel I should be getting somewhere. Maybe I am. (This, my sensible voice forces me to point out, is ridiculous. Minus points for being silly. Of course I am. I just can't see it. Yet. Ok, we're back.) In any case, my arms are getting tired.
Frostburg was really good for me if only because I got shoved way out of my comfort zone, which is, of course, the only way to learn anything. Grr. Luckily I had just the right amount of hand-holding...which is to say, far more than I ever wanted to admit, and far less than I wanted at the time. Maybe someday I'll be ok with learning in front of people.
It's apparently my turn, according to the universe, to be reminded how old and alone I am. Between now and next April, I have no fewer than five weddings happening to people I know. The dichotomy that seems to be part of being a Gemini (even for a Gemini who doesn't believe in being a Gemini) shows up big-time when weddings are concerned. I'm a girl - weddings are a chance to be ridiculously happy for my friends, to dress up and think about true love and criticize other people's taste - great times, yes? Oh, but wait. I'm also me. Weddings are a great opportunity for wondering when my turn will come, for cynicism and not being able to find a date I care to spend my time on. The cry for the ages: where are people who are worth it?
I leave on Saturday for North Carolina. Three more weeks of workshop goodness. I may not be a fairy princess, but hopefully I can manage to work warrior maiden into some sort of permanence, someday. And let's face it, warrior maiden is much more fun than happily-ever-after fairy princess...right?
Post-workshop depression is in play, and I'm spending quite a bit of time contemplating the questions 42 should answer, but it manages to remain an unsatisfying reply. Especially the parts involving my future. As a friend once put it, I feel like I've been handed a dull machete and turned loose in the jungle of life, and as I've been hacking for a few years now, I feel I should be getting somewhere. Maybe I am. (This, my sensible voice forces me to point out, is ridiculous. Minus points for being silly. Of course I am. I just can't see it. Yet. Ok, we're back.) In any case, my arms are getting tired.
Frostburg was really good for me if only because I got shoved way out of my comfort zone, which is, of course, the only way to learn anything. Grr. Luckily I had just the right amount of hand-holding...which is to say, far more than I ever wanted to admit, and far less than I wanted at the time. Maybe someday I'll be ok with learning in front of people.
It's apparently my turn, according to the universe, to be reminded how old and alone I am. Between now and next April, I have no fewer than five weddings happening to people I know. The dichotomy that seems to be part of being a Gemini (even for a Gemini who doesn't believe in being a Gemini) shows up big-time when weddings are concerned. I'm a girl - weddings are a chance to be ridiculously happy for my friends, to dress up and think about true love and criticize other people's taste - great times, yes? Oh, but wait. I'm also me. Weddings are a great opportunity for wondering when my turn will come, for cynicism and not being able to find a date I care to spend my time on. The cry for the ages: where are people who are worth it?
I leave on Saturday for North Carolina. Three more weeks of workshop goodness. I may not be a fairy princess, but hopefully I can manage to work warrior maiden into some sort of permanence, someday. And let's face it, warrior maiden is much more fun than happily-ever-after fairy princess...right?