Alot has happened.
So much has happened since my last entry. Kick back, grab your favorite low-calorie snack of choice, and open your eyes wide. It'll take you awhile to read through all of this.
So, 2weeks ago Sunday, I binged and was planning on purging. We (as in my mom and me) were on our way home from my brother's baseball game to start fixing lunch, so when he and my dad got home food would be waiting. What good women we are.
As I walk into the house through the garage door I peek into the pantry on my immediate right and see (goodie-gumdrops!) a mix for dark-chocolate brownies. What the hell? I hate chocolate, but I'm in binge-mode, remember? So I make the stupid things, and a nice, warm batch of evil is waiting for my brother and dad. For lunch I have a pb sandwich as a kickoff to my binge. Then I munch on some pretzels, granola bars, baby carrots, then dig into the nasty ass brownies.
My brother, being in pleasant spirit, says, "Jeez Keri. Stop eating all the brownies. Fatty."
Me: -no reply and still stuffing face-
No one else really says anything. Probably because they are always nagging me to eat junkfood. Ha.
So my brother and dad eat lunch and head back up to the baseball field. (Kinda sounds like the olden' days where the men come home for lunch then leave for the mines again.) My mom gets ready to go back (we drove separate) and I go to the bathroom.
I did the usual procedure: classical music on to mask any noise and door opened a crack to hear oncoming footsteps. I got half of it up when my mom pushes open the door with some towels in hand to put in the cabinet. Oh fucking shit.
I try and shield the toilet but she immediately catches on and says, "Move."
Me: -thinking- This is a fucking dream. Wake up. Wake up. I did not just get caught. Holy fucking shit.
Mom: "I suspected this! I knew it was immpossible for a girl to eat so much and stay so thin."
I started bawling and throwing up more from being so upset. I have never felt so humiliated in my life.
Well, my mom didn't tell my dad and has been pretty understanding, although she is more adamant on me eating.
Then on last Tuesday (2/20) she comes home from work and asks me about my day, if it was good, etc. Then she drops the bomb. What did I eat for dinner.
See, the thing is I usually always have a meal premade in my mind for what I ate. Of course, only a mere week and two days after my big reveal, I space out on my premade meal. I say, rather unconvincingly, that I had a peanut butter sandwich and an apple.
Mom: "That's it?" -concerned look on face- "What about lunch and breakfast?"
Me: -makes up something-
So my mom offers a proposition. That I go talk to someone about my "eating problems" (because my made-up meals weren't good enough) or work on this myself. Then she asked if something had happened to me.
This question shocked me so much that I laughed. I told her nothing has happened but she didn't believe me and said it was okay if something did, but I had to tell her so I could get help. I had to keep saying over and over that nothing happened but she didn't believe me.
I started to cry because I didn't know how to make it plainer that NOTHING happened. Then my mom started to cry because she seriously thought something happened and I wasn't telling her. I am not worth anyones tears...
So, 2weeks ago Sunday, I binged and was planning on purging. We (as in my mom and me) were on our way home from my brother's baseball game to start fixing lunch, so when he and my dad got home food would be waiting. What good women we are.
As I walk into the house through the garage door I peek into the pantry on my immediate right and see (goodie-gumdrops!) a mix for dark-chocolate brownies. What the hell? I hate chocolate, but I'm in binge-mode, remember? So I make the stupid things, and a nice, warm batch of evil is waiting for my brother and dad. For lunch I have a pb sandwich as a kickoff to my binge. Then I munch on some pretzels, granola bars, baby carrots, then dig into the nasty ass brownies.
My brother, being in pleasant spirit, says, "Jeez Keri. Stop eating all the brownies. Fatty."
Me: -no reply and still stuffing face-
No one else really says anything. Probably because they are always nagging me to eat junkfood. Ha.
So my brother and dad eat lunch and head back up to the baseball field. (Kinda sounds like the olden' days where the men come home for lunch then leave for the mines again.) My mom gets ready to go back (we drove separate) and I go to the bathroom.
I did the usual procedure: classical music on to mask any noise and door opened a crack to hear oncoming footsteps. I got half of it up when my mom pushes open the door with some towels in hand to put in the cabinet. Oh fucking shit.
I try and shield the toilet but she immediately catches on and says, "Move."
Me: -thinking- This is a fucking dream. Wake up. Wake up. I did not just get caught. Holy fucking shit.
Mom: "I suspected this! I knew it was immpossible for a girl to eat so much and stay so thin."
I started bawling and throwing up more from being so upset. I have never felt so humiliated in my life.
Well, my mom didn't tell my dad and has been pretty understanding, although she is more adamant on me eating.
Then on last Tuesday (2/20) she comes home from work and asks me about my day, if it was good, etc. Then she drops the bomb. What did I eat for dinner.
See, the thing is I usually always have a meal premade in my mind for what I ate. Of course, only a mere week and two days after my big reveal, I space out on my premade meal. I say, rather unconvincingly, that I had a peanut butter sandwich and an apple.
Mom: "That's it?" -concerned look on face- "What about lunch and breakfast?"
Me: -makes up something-
So my mom offers a proposition. That I go talk to someone about my "eating problems" (because my made-up meals weren't good enough) or work on this myself. Then she asked if something had happened to me.
This question shocked me so much that I laughed. I told her nothing has happened but she didn't believe me and said it was okay if something did, but I had to tell her so I could get help. I had to keep saying over and over that nothing happened but she didn't believe me.
I started to cry because I didn't know how to make it plainer that NOTHING happened. Then my mom started to cry because she seriously thought something happened and I wasn't telling her. I am not worth anyones tears...