(no subject)
Well, I'm glad that's over.
I don't think I ever want to wear green again, or talk in a gravelly voice, or even touch another trash can.
I mean, really -- this time around, the only time I really enjoyed the process of doing this show was at the end, when I was actually onstage performing it for the audience. That was when I could let go of "Crap, there's only five people here" and switch to "There's five people here, and my job now is to entertain them for the next fifty minutes." Up until then, I had seriously come to despise my own script. I almost feel like holding out my arms in a conciliatory manner to all of the people who implied that I shouldn't have bothered to do this and say, "Okay, okay, you were right. I don't belong in the theatre community. I'm not an actor, I'm not a playwright, I'm just a fraud. Gloat as you please."
I'm definitely through with Grouch, at least in performance. Maybe I'll publish the script as a chapbook, or put together a DVD (one performance was filmed). In the end, I can't see the point of putting so much time and hard work, on top of hundreds of dollars (thousands last year), into a humble little show that it seems -- outside of my core group of friends -- almost no one wants to see. And not all of my friends made it out, either, adding insult to injury. Or maybe in this case, it's adding injury to insult.
I know I shouldn't complain since, to be honest, the only real reason I wanted to remount the show in the first place was so that my friends who'd missed it last year could have another chance to see it. And to a large extent, this goal was achieved. And my friends all seemed to enjoy it, and it was great to see them.
I'm still kind of miffed at how few of the literary/slam community could be bothered to come see it, though. I know how petty this sounds, but I've supported some of these guys for years, some of them I've considered friends, and a few of them have claimed to be fans of my work. It almost felt as if they were all avoiding the show on purpose, as a way of communicating to me what they really think of me.
Even the guy who helped out with promoting the show couldn't be bothered to see it. He just gave me lame excuses. I could never figure out why he was so enthusiastic about spreading the word about, and associating his name with, a show that he clearly had no serious intention ever to see.
Even some people who made it out to last year's fundraiser for Grouch wouldn't come to the actual show. Maybe I should quit doing proper shows and just put all of my efforts into fundraisers.
And to add injury on top of both insult and more injury... I think I've been ripped off.
Either I'm a complete moron and completely misunderstood the agreement about how the venue-rental fee and box office cash would be split, or I just got scammed. Either way, I invested about $800 or so into these four shows and ended up getting back $90. Even though we had a relatively good turnout on the Saturday. From my calculations, based on my understanding (or misunderstanding), I was expecting $320.
That's show business. Fuck it.
I don't think I ever want to wear green again, or talk in a gravelly voice, or even touch another trash can.
I mean, really -- this time around, the only time I really enjoyed the process of doing this show was at the end, when I was actually onstage performing it for the audience. That was when I could let go of "Crap, there's only five people here" and switch to "There's five people here, and my job now is to entertain them for the next fifty minutes." Up until then, I had seriously come to despise my own script. I almost feel like holding out my arms in a conciliatory manner to all of the people who implied that I shouldn't have bothered to do this and say, "Okay, okay, you were right. I don't belong in the theatre community. I'm not an actor, I'm not a playwright, I'm just a fraud. Gloat as you please."
I'm definitely through with Grouch, at least in performance. Maybe I'll publish the script as a chapbook, or put together a DVD (one performance was filmed). In the end, I can't see the point of putting so much time and hard work, on top of hundreds of dollars (thousands last year), into a humble little show that it seems -- outside of my core group of friends -- almost no one wants to see. And not all of my friends made it out, either, adding insult to injury. Or maybe in this case, it's adding injury to insult.
I know I shouldn't complain since, to be honest, the only real reason I wanted to remount the show in the first place was so that my friends who'd missed it last year could have another chance to see it. And to a large extent, this goal was achieved. And my friends all seemed to enjoy it, and it was great to see them.
I'm still kind of miffed at how few of the literary/slam community could be bothered to come see it, though. I know how petty this sounds, but I've supported some of these guys for years, some of them I've considered friends, and a few of them have claimed to be fans of my work. It almost felt as if they were all avoiding the show on purpose, as a way of communicating to me what they really think of me.
Even the guy who helped out with promoting the show couldn't be bothered to see it. He just gave me lame excuses. I could never figure out why he was so enthusiastic about spreading the word about, and associating his name with, a show that he clearly had no serious intention ever to see.
Even some people who made it out to last year's fundraiser for Grouch wouldn't come to the actual show. Maybe I should quit doing proper shows and just put all of my efforts into fundraisers.
And to add injury on top of both insult and more injury... I think I've been ripped off.
Either I'm a complete moron and completely misunderstood the agreement about how the venue-rental fee and box office cash would be split, or I just got scammed. Either way, I invested about $800 or so into these four shows and ended up getting back $90. Even though we had a relatively good turnout on the Saturday. From my calculations, based on my understanding (or misunderstanding), I was expecting $320.
That's show business. Fuck it.
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