This Long Silence: Part Nine
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In the hallway, he reaches up high to cross his arms and tug on his elbows and stretch his worn-out muscles despite the soreness at his side. He twists at the waist and pulls his shoulders up, thankful for the slight burn in his back as it rights itself. A few stores down, there are the benches from before, now cleared of the fight they’d had, just as Jason had said they’d done. He checks the bandage at his side, and figures he’ll probably have a scar, but he’s living and breathing. Jared, too.
Above him, a small, triangular skylight lets daylight in, and he sits with his head tipped back to soak in the sun. He lies back on the padded three-seater, resting his feet at the edge and staring right into the pale light above him.
With his eyes up to the window, he runs his hands over his face and scratches through his two-day-old stubble to wake himself up. His mind is relatively clear, given all that’s happened in the past week, but he doesn’t have a clue on what the next steps are. What they’ll all do next.
“What’re you doing?” Jared asks.
Jensen leans harder into Jared’s truck, crossing his ankles and setting his elbow on the hood. “Nothing.”
Jared’s twisting over his shoulder to stare at Jensen even while their sunglasses block their gaze. With his camera in hand, the rest of Jared’s body faces acres of native vegetation they’d driven most of yesterday and a bit of this morning for Jared to see. “Why’re you doing nothing?”
Laughing, Jensen glances away and kicks off the truck to walk to Jared. “What do you want me to do?”
Jared raises an eyebrow above his silver frames. “You could enjoy it.”
“I am,” Jensen insists with a light smile.
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
Jared cocks his head. “I’m not convinced.”
Jensen chuckles. “This is your thing.”
Shaking his head, Jared turns back to his subject and brings the camera up to frame the field just right. “It could be your thing, too.”
“Nahhhh” he drags out as he slides his hand across Jared’s back and squeezes at his hip. “I got better things.”
Jared smirks but doesn’t stop snapping photos; he’s set on his task for the day.
When Jared had first mentioned this marsh and a grouping of four others that dotted the next state over, Jensen hadn’t imagined seeing them in person. But when spring break neared and Jared’s talk of the places grew more serious, Jensen suggested they witness the wetlands together. On day two of their vacation, Jensen had woken up feeling loose-limbed and lightheaded in the best manner: they were staying in an off-road motel hundreds of miles from home, and here they’re able to be themselves, together, without spectators ready to spread stories.
Jensen has no need for Jared to explain his love for the natural environment or to detail the delicate nature of water quality and flora. All the multi-syllabic words spin in Jensen’s brain, even when he’s impressed with all that Jared knows. Right now, he prefers to watch Jared grow warm with the bright sun and the sights Jared’s been dying to view since he first moved this far east.
He kisses Jared’s shoulder and rests his mouth there. “Will you kill me if I sit?”
“Only if you ruin the grass,” Jared answers with a playful scowl. “It’s a vital part of the environment.”
“So is my strength.” Jensen drops down to the ground, knees up and arms resting on them as he watches Jared at work. The camera clicks with every captured scene, and Jared licks over his lips then bites the bottom one as he snaps each shot. Jensen feels a burn run under his skin. He’s not aroused in the slightest; he’s captivated by Jared’s care for detail and dedication as he covers the whole area, bending down low for close-ups of blades of grass and standing tall for full panoramic views.
An hour passes as a minute, and Jared joins Jensen in the grass. The camera is placed to the side with care and Jared pulls his sunglasses to the top of his head, dragging hair off his face. There’s an added glow to Jared’s skin, something reflecting in the sun that Jensen can’t name. Jared runs a finger over Jensen’s jaw as it drags along stubble that Jensen hasn’t bothered shaving these last two mornings, more than content to just get on the road and be with Jared.
“You look good like this,” Jared says, voice simple and happy.
Jensen nudges his head over to bite at Jared’s finger, laughing at Jared’s surprise even when he misses entirely. Jared pokes his finger into Jensen’s collarbone, drawing a yelp from Jensen, and they laugh as they yank and push on arms and necks.
“Jerk,” Jared laughs as Jensen shoulders him to his back. “I was trying to pay you a compliment.”
He leans over Jared, bracketing Jared’s head with his arms resting in the grass. “That’ll teach you,” Jensen murmurs. Just a small shift and he’s half laying over Jared and dips down to kiss him. Both go slow with it, mouths sliding together and tongues taking long turns over each other.
Jared slips his hands beneath the back of Jensen’s shirt and grasps at Jensen’s smooth skin, warm hands to warmer skin, muscles bunching beneath his fingers. Jensen slides an arm under Jared’s neck and wraps the other over the top of Jared’s head as he pulls Jared’s sunglasses off and threads his fingers through soft, wind-tussled hair.
In between lazy kisses and soft touches, they smile and murmur tiny thoughts that don’t have to mean anything. Like, if Jared could, he’d bike along the eastern seaboard to take in the coast and the entirety of an ocean he’s never seen before. And if Jensen had to eat one food for a month, he’d pick chicken tacos with extra cheese, easy on the tomatoes.
Jared chuckles against Jensen’s mouth. “We’ll hit every taco joint in New England.”
“It’s a deal,” Jensen smiles just before reeling Jared in for another round.
They do this every day for the next three as they visit wetlands Jared had bookmarked months ago. On the way back home, they stop at any outlook point along the interstate and sit on the road rails for Jensen’s benefit. For all that Jared craves grass and water, Jensen appreciates cracked rocks and jagged peaks. More than anything, Jensen cherishes sitting next to Jared, doing nothing but staring out into the vast landscape before them.
Their week-long getaway is more than leaving town. It’s putting everything else behind them to just exist together.
He hears Danneel coming before he sees her. His senses are still on alert with worry, but he makes his jump up to sit seem casual as he leaves room on the bench for her to join him.
She bumps his shoulder when she sits, though she doesn’t say a word for some time. Finally, she flicks at his thigh and shoots him a crooked smile. “You’re a bit better at keeping secrets than I thought.”
Jensen lifts his eyebrows in surprise. “I could say the same. You and Jason?”
“It wasn’t too much of a secret. Maybe you were too preoccupied with the biology teacher?”
Jensen chuckles at her smirk, one where her lips are tipped prettily and her cheeks go pink. He’s happy to see her happy.
She leans into him and nods. “I was wondering why you were so intent on finding him.”
“Too obvious?” he asks.
“I think you clutching his leg just now was more than.”
Jensen nods and laughs at himself. He glances at her and tips his head toward the store. “How’d his shoulder look?”
“It could use some real medicine, especially to prevent any scarring. But he’s good. You might have to carry the groceries for a few weeks.”
He snorts and turns away from her with a smile. Any other day, this would likely annoy him; he’s sure in the future it will. Right now, it’s comfortable and he appreciates the casual feeling between them. Even so, he rolls his eyes and elbows her. “You’re so funny today.”
Danneel threads her arm through his and squeezes. “This is all new information for me. Let me gloat and mock.”
Jensen can’t deny the way he’s warming up in happiness of her so easily accepting this. He’d always feared poor reactions, but now he feels foolish having worried. He tugs her arm against him and nods at her to deflect more questions. “You and Jason?”
She shrugs. “Who else is left now that you and Jared are taken?”
His head falls back with a breathy laugh and he catches the sun just overhead. It triggers memories of him and Jared out in their yards for easy company nearly every day for the past year and a half. He smiles warmly with the images, but then he starts considering their next steps.
As carefully as possible, he says, “We can’t go back, you know?”
“Ever?”
“No one’s left in town and there’s nothing for us to do there.”
She focuses on her fingers tapping together in her lap. “So you guys aren’t going back?”
He can’t say for sure if he wants to, even just to see what’s left of Morgan Falls. “Who knows what would happen if we try. And if we could, there’s no way I’d expect him to live there after everything that’s happened.”
“Where will you go?” Danneel asks softly.
Jensen can only shrug in reply, unable to figure out what kind of state they’re in now - on the run from the Army at worst, forced out of house and home at best. He can’t sheriff a town that doesn’t exist.
She licks her lips and steals a glance over his shoulder and back to the store where Jason’s still inside with Jared. “Jason’s parents went east to his aunt’s. Maybe we’ll meet up with them.”
“That sounds like a great idea, Dan,” he replies warmly.
“What about Jared’s family?”
“They’re in the Northwest. We haven’t talked about it yet.”
“You could’ve told me,” she says suddenly. It sounds less like irritation and more like sympathy. “About you and Jared.”
From the very second he’d felt something for Jared, the very moment they’d met, he’d convinced himself of all the reasons he couldn’t tell a soul. Not his brother or sister during catch-up phone calls or emails. Not Danneel or Jason, the two friends he has in town. Paranoia had commanded him to keep quiet about it, always fearing a day of too many beers and either she or Jason spilling the juiciest secret in town.
“Yeah,” Jensen sighs. It’s a moot point and he refuses to spend time debating it now. His friends know and they’re all safe. Nothing else matters. He pats her knee and rises. “I’m gonna check on the patient.”
She makes a noise in agreement and rubs at his back as he rises.
Walking into the novelty store, he passes Jason on his way out. They share a small smile and Jason slaps at Jensen’s shoulder without a word. In the back, Jensen finds Jared perched at the edge of the newly inflated queen air mattress and tugging a clean, green camouflage shirt into place, one from the sporting goods store. The mattress is scrunched halfway to the ground with Jared’s weight, but at least it’s not the hard floor with cheap carpeting.
“How’re we supposed to sleep on that thing?” Jensen asks with a soft laugh. Jared looks up and Jensen feels a load of tension dissipate at seeing him upright and wide eyed for the first time in days.
“We’re staying here?”
As gracefully as possible, Jensen moves across the mattress, settles closest to the wall, and leans back on the bunched up blanket from earlier. “Well, not forever. But I figured we would until you’re good.”
“What about the others?” Jared asks as he fidgets with the edge of his new shirt.
Jensen’s certain that his own fear over their relationship being found out has rubbed off on Jared. There had been hints of it in the past, especially in how little Jared fought Jensen’s want to be quiet about what all they meant to one another, and eventually falling into step to just exist without pushing too much. He feels guilty now that Jared has to worry.
“Come here,” Jensen murmurs with his hand wrapping around Jared’s wrist. Jared turns over and stretches out along Jensen’s side, and Jensen runs his hand over Jared’s shoulder, careful for the fresh bandages. “They’re fine,” he murmurs. “We’re fine.”
Jared rests further against Jensen with his head tucked down against Jensen’s chest and his arm draped over Jensen’s waist. “For sure?”
“I’m sure.”
They fall quiet for some time, Jensen smoothing his hand up and down Jared’s back with his eyes closed, enjoying the steady press of Jared’s chest against his and Jared’s hand tucked just under his hip. No one bothers them, and they don’t bother moving. Jensen’s certain they won’t be interrupted at this point, and even if they were, he refuses to feel bad for ignoring any of them.
They rest like that for some time, and Jensen can feel Jared’s breathing evening out. He tips his mouth down to Jared’s hair and smiles gently. “Know where we should go?”
“Where?” Jared mumbles sleepily.
“Remember that swamp? The one you stomped through up to your knees then fell over?”
“I think you pushed me.”
“Whichever,” Jensen chuckles.
Jared snorts into Jensen’s chest then rises up to his elbow so they can look at each other. “We’re gonna live in the swamp?”
“No,” Jensen returns. “Let’s just go back there. You can take more pictures, and then maybe we drive up the East Coast.”
He bites at the corner of his lip as his eyes shift to the left for a moment. “There’re some cliffs up in Maine. Way high up and facing the ocean, but they’re greener than you’d ever believe.”
“Yeah, let’s go there,” he says softly.
Jared stumbles a bit to shift up, the mattress uneven with every movement as he tries to avoid using his injured shoulder. He bumps into Jensen’s nose but lands the kiss with a hard press of his mouth that says more than Jensen needs to hear.
Jensen points the Sentra south, heading back to town no matter how much his stomach aches. He has Jared slouched beside him and the world feels a bit brighter with his presence, but a new kind of worry grips him.
After a few more days of restlessness in the mall, J.D. and Samantha had headed east with Danneel and Jason in tow. They were all content to leave everything behind and start anew. Jensen has grand plans to do just that once his duty fades away and he doesn’t have the conscience to return to Morgan Falls.
It’s a long ride, feels longer than any he’s taken before, and the fingers of one hand curl tight around the wheel. The other slides over Jared’s thigh, content to hang on for as long as he can. He had to live the nightmare of Jared missing and unknown for a day and a half. He’s had him back for four now, and there’s no way he’ll let Jared out of sight now.
There are things to gather if they intend to exist past this town, and there are questions needing answers. He’s promised them both that at the first sign of trouble, they’re turning in the opposite direction and fleeing.
A haze of dust blurs the sunrise. It obstructs any view of Morgan Falls and Jensen slows the car to a crawl when they near the county fairgrounds where the makeshift medical stop had stood just a few days ago. All evidence of the tents is gone, and Jensen wonders if he dreamt it all. When Jared shifts up to look across the land, their shoulders bump and Jensen’s reminded of what they’ve both lived through.
He glances out the driver’s side window, trying to will down the nerves that spike with the memories. When he squeezes at Jared’s leg, Jared rests his hand on top of it.
“It’s gone,” Jared says slowly. “Like nothing was here before.”
He clears his throat and replies, “Yeah, I’m getting that feeling.”
That feeling carries with him when they edge closer to town and find the streets empty. There are no cars left behind like he and Danneel had seen before, and when they chance a look at Main Street, all storefronts are emptied of their contents, roads and sidewalks cleaned right up from all the debris and infected corpses he’d seen laid out while escaping the clinic.
The town is completely cleared out and signs have been lifted from the buildings: J.D.’s coffee shop, Clark’s Hardware, even the Police Department. These buildings are nothing more than boxes that used to keep Downtown alive.
Worse yet, there’s not a person or thing in sight that could have been responsible for the way the town’s now sterilized, and Jensen’s got no shred of hope that someone will return to revive it all.
In the middle of Main Street, he and Jared spin in all directions to take it in. Jared’s hand grips the back of Jensen’s shirt, fingers digging into the fabric of a fresh shirt he’d grabbed at the mall.
“I don’t know that this makes me feel any better,” Jared whispers, even when there’s not a soul to hear them.
Jensen’s stomach clenches with worry and suspicion. There are a dozen explanations for this, and not one sits right.
He turns to Jared and breathes deep. “We should just go.”
“I thought you wanted …”
Jensen shakes his head and has to look away. The Police Department, his stand for well over a decade, is a vacant hole; pale wood has never looked so bleak. “I wouldn’t know where to start to figure this out. I’m pretty sure I don’t want to now.”
Jared takes a while to look over Jensen’s face. Jensen searches Jared’s eyes as well, and it’s dead quiet in the middle of their sleepy town. There are no words to describe how weary and fractured Jensen feels, except Jared’s face shows much the same. He can’t imagine what all runs through Jared’s mind, what he had to live through in the time they were apart. He’s not sure he wants to break any of it down anymore.
Jensen palms Jared’s cheek, and he smiles lightly when Jared moves to the touch. It’s jarring that this is the first time he’s touched Jared in the sunlight of Morgan Falls, what little is left of it.
Nudging Jensen’s hand, Jared murmurs, “Let’s go then.”
He slides his hand down Jared’s neck and rests it at his chest, tapping lightly. “Yeah, let’s.”
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