If It's a Day, a Month, A Year: (2/7)
Later that day Jared came knocking at her trailer with a random rhythm. “Hey, it’s me,” he said as he opened the door.
She rolled over on the couch to see him, sleepily smiled, and then stared at the ceiling as her eyes slowly blinked open and closed to will herself awake. “What’s up?”
His fingers dangled at her forehead before playing with some stray hair. “You up for those shots tonight?”
“Dude, I’m exhausted.”
He smirked. “Told you I’d tired you out.”
Cameron smacked his hand away from her head and rolled to her side. “There’s a bottle in the cabinet.”
They wound up sipping double shots on the couch, letting the warm amber relax them without taking them too far out of their heads. Their conversations dipped between funny onset gaffes - they fought the other to tell the best stories, and eventually just cracked up as they tried to gain momentum in the telling - to some of their favorite people to work with. When he didn’t mention his Supernatural costar, she asked about him.
Jared eyed her carefully. “What about him?”
“From what I heard, you two are inseparable. I’m surprised we didn’t have to spring for a connecting room just so he could keep you company.”
He laughed. “We can have our own lives, ya know? We did before the show, we will after.”
“How’s that working for you?”
Jared shrugged and gave her a confused look. “What? It’s life and a job and we’re just doing our own things.”
“You don’t talk?”
“Shit, yeah, we do,” he smirked, leaning back into the couch, spreading his arms across the back. “He’s in Maine doing something on location, and here I am. Doing my Integrity Film.”
She laughed. “Integrity Film?”
His shoulders rose as he took a deep breath. “All I’ve done is be the heartthrob and hero of nightmares. This is kinda like real life here.”
“Oh, c’mon. Djins and shapeshifters is so real life. Have you seen Linsday Lohan and Brittney Spears?"
Jared chuckled, but eyed her oddly. “Djins?”
“So I watched a show or two? It wasn’t completely miserable.”
His eyes closed in on hers, trying to see her reaction. “Like research?”
“Something like that,” she lied, taking another sip. In truth, she’d watched quite a bit of the show when someone turned her onto it. She couldn’t stop watching because the guys were kind of hot and absolutely funny at the right times, and while she was totally up to her nose with a reputation for ‘Integrity Films,’ people who really knew her knew she was a total sucker for a good fantasy story.
“I saw your stuff. It’s good.” His voice was level and she saw something settle on his face. Either he was getting drunk or he was being honest.
She kind of figured the two really went hand-in-hand, so she could take the compliment. But not without some heat. “You just want to get into my pants.”
Jared chuckled and then rubbed his palm at her back. He’d done it probably twenty times before on set, but it seemed more intimate in her trailer after quite a few SoCo and limes.
Her neck craned to watch him while she still leaned forward, elbows on her knees. She kept a strange, fond look on her face, which made him ask about it. “I don’t know. You’re just …”
When she didn’t continue, he prompted, “Yeah?”
Cameron tipped back the rest of her drink before pouring another for each of them. “You’re kind of sane when you’re chilled out.”
His eyebrows rose. “And a little drunk.”
She laughed and leaned back into the couch. In seconds, his elbow bent to let his fingers playing lightly at the top of her head. “I think we need to have an AA meeting tomorrow. Maybe just as a precaution. I don’t think drinking in my trailer is a good idea.”
“I don’t think having a bottle in your trailer is either.”
“At least it was full.”
He gave a light chuckle. “The seal was broken.”
Cameron pushed deeper into the couch, relishing the easy feel between them. “I smelled it this morning. It calmed me a little.”
“You did good. You only slipped me the tongue at the end.”
She heard the humor in his voice and casually elbowed him. He smiled, closed his palm at the side of her neck and leaned over to kiss the top of her head. While she was absolutely loving the moment and felt so loose and warm with her buzz drifting into a wee bit of drunk, not to mention the intense heat coming from Jared’s body, she knew it was a terrible idea to continue on for any longer. As it was, she felt a tingle in her belly and something between her legs. She had only once before hooked up during filming, and it ended pretty horribly, to the point that she still called it ‘The Film That Shall Not Be Named’ because of how awful she felt after the wrap party when it was apparent that he was going to California, she was going back home to Chicago, and he basically never intended to do more than have fun on location even when he had said differently.
Cameron was trying to figure out the best way to shoo Jared away without being rude or obvious to how he was affecting her. She could claim she was tired with exaggerated yawns. She could stand up abruptly and claim she had a low tolerance for liquor. Before she could fashion an answer, his voice slipped into her thoughts. “I think we should just do this.” She felt his hand begin to stroke her neck.
She turned toward him with a raised eyebrow. “Really?”
He shrugged but had a confident face. “Yeah, just take it on from 312. We’re going to have to do more make outs on screen, so we should be comfortable.”
In her slight drunken daze, she liked the idea, but something stood forward and kicked her brain on. “You’re a set sleaze, aren’t you?”
“What?”
“You dated the girl from Gilmore, then a few someones from Supernatural.”
He easily nodded. “Yeah. Why?”
She shook her head with a tiny smile. “It’s not going to happen.”
Jared was a little blown away with her confidence and while he wasn’t sure he was trying to get to her, maybe he was just joking around as he felt the SoCo taking major control of his brain, he just really didn’t want to end their moment. “You know you want to, but it’s okay. I don’t want you to get too attached,” and he winked, which made her roll her eyes, yet smile. He pulled at her shoulder as he burrowed deeper into the cushions. “C’mere.”
Cameron rested against him, enjoying the comfort of lying with him. She wouldn’t deny it. But she would enjoy it.
*
Three days later, he came in with a quick knock, not waiting for an answer. He asked “Got anything left?” and they basically replayed that night. Talking semi-seriously, cuddling a little, laughing a lot. TWo days after that, she found a box of Southern Comfort on the steps to her trailer, so she invited him over to take care of that bottle, too.
“What is the real name?” he asked one night.
“Mine?”
“Yeah. Nationality? You couldn’t have been born Cameron James. Let’s hear it.”
“It’s St. James. My great grandfather shortened it when he got to Ellis Island.” A raised eyebrow was his reply, and she tacked on, “I’m soapish.”
His eyes crinkled with his smile. “Really?”
Cameron faced him on the couch, with her elbow bent at the back and her face resting in her palm. “Absolutely. My parents are from Santa Barbara. Daddy was a doctor who treated Mother’s brain clusters. She died as I was born. It was tragic. I’m wrecked.”
“That almost sounds real for daytime television.”
“It’s real for my life,” she said flatly before taking another sip of their cherished drink.
His hand reached forward, tapping gently at her arm. “What is it really?”
“Vitkus.”
He watched her, waiting for more. “Okay?”
“Cameron James Vitkus. Lithuanian. Parents grew up in the Lugan area of Chicago.”
Jared’s eyes kept with hers and they narrowed. “Yeah?”
She rolled her eyes and turned back towards the table. “It’s a bore with a side of ring. What do you think?”
“Whatever,” he laughed. “You really from Chicago?” She nodded, and he asked further. “You go back there after all this?”
Cameron leaned further into the cushions. “Yeah, I’m so grounded in that place, I hate being away for all too long. LA feels too sterile or something.”
Jared watched her, silently pleading with her to continue talking, loving how natural she spoke when it meant something.
“My friends are all there. We have a plan, the next project. So, I would go back anyway, just to work. But that place is steeped in so much texture and good people. I kind of hate it here.”
“But you have all these people,” he prompted, referring to those on the film that she talked with regularly, getting dinner and later drinks. Well, when she wasn’t holed up in her trailer with him.
“It’s not the same. They’re the few normal folk, and there aren’t many at the next stage. My agent keeps begging me to be the goofy sidekick in Nicholas Cage and Sandra Bullock movies. It is so not what I want. I don’t want the full system.”
“Hmm,” he sounded before taking a sip.
Her head lolled to him. “What?”
“Remember you said I seemed sane when I’m alone?” She nodded. “You do, too.”
Cameron swung her glass towards him with a satisfied smile. “I am an onion. Layers and layers. You never know what you’re gonna get.”
His head rested against his arm, still placed behind them on the back of the couch. “I’m pretty sure that was a box of chocolates.”
“I’m that, too. Full of gooey morsels.”
“Chewy and nutty?”
Her mouth hitched up on one side. “Sometimes.”
Jared’s hand reached out further to move some hair from her face. His eyes turned from her to the motion, but his lips were still curled in a lazy smile.
“You do this with Jensen?”
“Hmm?”
“Hang out in his trailer? Drinking, talking about random things, intimately sweeping hair from his face?”
He nodded slowly through her questions. “Mostly. He plays with my hair, though.”
Cameron reached out, feeling more willing to return his little touches, so terribly comfortable in his space. Her hand lightly tugged on his shaggy hair, twisting some strands around her finger before dropping her hand and brushing his cheek. She could feel the scratchiness of his character-driven stubble and smirked. “You look good like this.”
His eyebrows furrowed with a smirk. “I always look good.”
“Spare me,” she rolled her eyes.
“I would never. You - nay, everyone - needs the full Jared Padalecki experience.”
“Jared Paduhlucky needs to cool it before he is blacklisted for an excessive ego.”
He tipped his head back against his arm, but kept his eyes on her face, taking it in. “Jared Gonnagetlucky?”
She laughed, and then patted her hand at his face, the spot she had touched moments before. “Please.”
Jared grabbed onto her hand, playing with the fingers. “What? Cam, let’s do this.” She watched him as he kept the same soft look on his face. “This is good stuff in this trailer. This could be good.”
Cameron sat up a little straighter and shook her head, but kept the smile. Because it was entirely too flattering. “I’ve seen the girls you go for. We are not one in the same.”
“I’ve dated actresses. You’re one.”
“They are four-foot beauty queens on sticks. I am -”
“A human being?” He shrugged lightly. “It might be a good change of pace for me.”
With narrowed eyes and a slight chuckle, “You’re not talking about dating. You’re the set sleaze.”
His hand came to his chest in mock pain. “I am totally talking about more than one night.”
She rolled her eyes, but realized she was still smiling. It was still flattering. “Yeah, okay. We’ll see at the end of the shoot.”
“Yeah, okay."
*
They continued with their random SoCo nights, but each of them let more time fall between them. Instead of nearly every other day, three to four passed. Then a full week. She had sort of just expected him to come by, but he never did. And even while everything on set felt okay, she didn’t feel comfortable constantly asking him to come by, so more days drifted between their hanging out
Right about when their time offset cut down to nothing, they had to film another kissing scene, wrought with tension between the characters. Hers just gets off the phone with her husband. His is staring down on her questioning what she really wants. They bicker and complain, and she’s physically upset while he just sighs and gives his points, but then she suddenly gets into action and pulls him in and starts kissing, and it takes him a few times before he is willing to respond. While the characters are both introspective and guarded, hers comes out and makes the move.
It put Cameron on the edge because he wasn’t responding much to her moves - he wasn’t supposed to, she knew. But she at least wanted some recognition that it was going okay. No. She wanted the flag to be waved that it was going well, and that she was doing everything right. But he was actually on target, focusing for most of the time that the camera was off, and then jumping into the character when they yelled action. It put her on edge, which in truth, kind of made the whole scene really work, and everyone noticed how awkward it all was, even when it was spot on. Susan, one of the producers and a pal of Cameron’s from her last film, even noted it. “It’s like we have two totally different people here. What is wrong?”
Cameron shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s the scene.”
She replied over her mug of coffee. “It’s you.” When there was no answer, she asked further. “Something going on here?”
Crossing her arms, Cameron kept her eyes to the set around them as someone reset some lights. “It’s a hard scene.”
“What’s so hard? You hang up the phone, then drag Jared to you and you make out.”
“It’s not as easy as you’d think.” And it wasn’t in that moment for her. She had spent the last two months fighting off his clever pick-up lines, doing her best to top his humor, and basically immaturely flirt with him. But that day, she couldn’t do any of those things, and he wasn’t exactly opening himself up to any of it. So she was on edge and stayed away.
By the end of all the tense kissing, she was covered in his cherry Blistex, wrought with bitter emotions, and pretty much ready for a drink. At her trailer, she fumbled with the doors to the cabinet and finally sat cross legged on the floor to calm down and pulled the bottle out. Cameron stared at it for a long while, remembering how she took it out that morning, thinking of a shot to start the day, just to take the nerves away. She was beginning to wonder if her Pavlovian response to Jared was Southern Comfort, and how she could fix that.
“Hey.”
She turned to the door and saw him cracking it open a few inches.
“Can I come in?”
Cameron held a flat face, trying to hide the emotion she had been feeling all day that was now crashing inside her brain. All the torture and turmoil of the character, the times she had to drum up emotional tears, argue with him, and finally ask for his consent with a kiss that he wouldn’t return. She felt as if she had actually gone through it all in real life, not just snippets in between calls of action and cut.
“You okay?” he asked carefully, but didn’t quite enter the trailer. Just kept his hand on the knob and watched her.
She sighed and looked back to the bottle with a nod.
Jared entered and slowly closed the door to eliminate any major noise then took a few seconds to move over to her, still waiting for her to say something. He dragged his hand over the back of her head and looked down on her. “What’s goin’ on?”
Another sigh. “Tough day,” she finally responded.
He sat, stretching his legs behind her and leaned in to see the bottle. His voice came out light and fun. “It’s been a little while since we did this. Think we’re due?”
It had been nearly two weeks, she was due for sure. Her lips curled a small smile and she took a deep breath. “Why do I always need this to get through filming with you?” she joked.
Jared took the bottle, opened it, and then smelled the liquor with a smirk. “Nonsense. This is celebratory because of how awesome it is with me.” She only smiled in return, still not much for words. So he put the bottle down and shifted a leg to either side of her, draping his arms around her. “C’mere,” he prompted, pulling her in and squeezing.
“Today was horrible.”
His chin rested atop her head as she leaned into his embrace. “Nonsense. You were good.”
“Whether I was or wasn’t, it was bad.”
He chuckled. “You wrote the script.”
“I know.” Her voice came out so little that he pulled back enough to look at her face. “I guess I didn’t think about acting it out.”
“That is sort of your job.”
Cameron tipped her head against his arm as she held his wrist. “It’s harder with you. I don’t want to yell at you and cry at you.”
“Then we’re in agreement. Because I don’t want you to either.” She looked over to his face and smiled lightly, still not entirely feeling the humor within her, but truly appreciating his. Jared moved in and kissed at her cheek. “Do we still need the bottle? We’re doing pretty good with the serious mood right now.”
With a sigh, she moved away to grab the Southern Comfort. “I definitely need something if we’re going to continue being so emo.”
“Think we could pull off the eyeliner?”
She seemed to size up his face then finally said, “I thought you already wore some?”
He was about to harp in return, but instead watched her. When she smiled the typical, witty Cameron smirk, he smiled and leaned in for another kiss at her head. They got the drinks ready and Cameron quickly took back the double shot before he could even get a real sip out of his. “I thought you didn’t like method,” he joked.
“I don’t. It’s pretentious.”
He laughed. “Really?”
“Yeah, really.”
She was pouring more out when he responded. “Says the girl who won’t share a title with Nicolas Cage.”
Another quick sip, but not as much as before, and she stared at him with big eyes. “Would you?”
He paused, and then took a drink. “Okay, maybe not.”
“The Ferret King.” Then she physically shook, as if the thought was bad enough to have in her brain.
“Could be Travolta.”
“Ugh,” and she made the motion again, but on a smaller scale.
“They both made good movies at one time,” he pointed out, moving his glass towards her.
“And now, they both make monster dumps.”
Jared smiled, seeing the fun Cameron return, even if she was being harsh. At least she wasn’t so dejected. It made him nervous, wondering how to deal with her like that.
Her words interrupted his worry. “I’ve decided, no more Integrity Films. Just cash cow, trashcan movies with men who wear rodents on their heads.”
He laughed. “What’re you talking about?”
She leaned back to the table behind her, resting her elbows on the surface. “I could be rich and happy. Instead of all melodramatic and poor.”
“There is no way you are poor.”
“Okay, not sitting on the corner with a cup of pencils poor. But you know, I could have more money. Not all of us are blessed to be in a TV show in Jensen Ackles.”
He rolled his eyes with a light laugh. “Right, a billionaire.”
“Still doing well.”
“I don’t know,” he started warily. “I think you have a good spot. As far as popularity and credibility.”
“You mean, as far as I have none of either.”
He scoffed. “You have plenty of both. People who know you know you’re not a waste of space.
Cameron pushed her glass towards him for a refill. “You’re forgetting the fact that not many people know who I am.”
“Some do.”
“Not many. There are not hordes of fans lining up to see a Cameron James movie.”
“Yeah, but they know you well enough to know. It could be worse.”
“How?”
“The people who really know you know you’re a bitch, but that hasn’t gotten out yet.”
She laughed. “Oh, yeah, thank you for bringing that up.”
Jared tipped his glass off his forehead. “Don’t mention it.” After a few moments, he started the conversation again. “You forget the downside to having fans.”
“Making so much money you don’t know what to do with yourself?”
He carried on as if she hadn’t even spoken. “Having ones who actually care if what you’re doing isn’t perfect. And then care what you do in your life and what you wear and who you sleep with.
“Ahh,” she smiled. “Exhibit 1 for us not hooking up.”
Rolling his eyes, he took another sip. “I just mean that in my other relationships,” he stressed. “You don’t see a whole lot of support for the girlfriend, and everyone has a better opinion on how to run your life.”
“Exhibit 2.”
“I don’t care. But they do.” She thought that one over. He spoke casually without looking at her. “But knowing how attention starved you are, any attention is good attention, right?”
“Shut the fuck up,” she laughed.
A few drinks later, and she finally had the nerve to ask what he’d been up to the last few weeks, the time he seemed to be kind of avoiding her.
“Just hanging at the hotel. The bar is pretty sweet.” Jared patted his palm at her knee. “You should come down there sometime. We’ll sit in real seats and drink real drinks.”
“I don’t do real drinks. This is it,” and she tipped her glass up.
“Someday I’ll introduce you to real drinks, and you will like them. You may invite them over for lunch.”
“You do that and I’m going to have a very uncomfortable conversation with Southern Comfort. Do you really want to hurt his feelings?”
“I heard he’s totally nailing that asshole Cuervo.”
Cameron laughed into her glass then took another drink. She then stared at him while he drank from his glass. When he looked to her, his hand came up to rub the back of her head - a motion he’d taken to doing whenever he was near her, and if she were being honest, one she really loved. “Thank you for coming by tonight.”
“Of course,” he nodded.
“You’d been MIA and I just let it go.”
His fingers strung her hair out, let it fall, and then strung pieces out again. And again. “See, we’re working on this thing called a movie.”
“Ass,” she laughed.
“And while my co-star - total bitch by the way - isn’t real serious about it, I kind of am.”
Cameron smiled but was confused. “How do you take it seriously when you’re drinking with me all the time.”
“Not this week.”
“What? Did the light come on in your brain and you decided to drink by yourself? That’s healthy.”
“Nah, I just hung out on my own.”
Her back tensed and she stared at her fingers playing with the glass. “Real ego boost there, guy.”
“I’m sorry,” he smiled. “I didn’t know my sole purpose in life was to be your playmate.”
“What do you think you’re really getting paid for?”
“Ernie first said it was love slave, but you’re not letting that happen, so I guess it’s punching bag.” He took another sip then watched her. “What’s wrong? Why the big deal about this?”
She sighed and went back to watching her glass. “I don’t know. It was just hard today. It was so tense.”
“It’s the scene, it’s supposed to be.”
“Yeah, but it felt worse not feeling comfortable with you.”
“That was kind of my point.” Cameron watched him and thought it all over. Then she slapped at his arm. “What the hell?”
“You went method on me?” she crabbed at him. “You fucking went method and pulled me in with you!” Jared laughed. “I hate you. I officially fucking hate you.”
“That scene was awesome.” She continued to shake her head as he went on. “They got some really great clips there, really, you should see them.”
“Not listening, I’m too busy hating.”
“What’s the big deal? It worked.”
She turned towards him, tossing her hands into the air. “It was fucking miserable is the big deal. I wanted to tear my own hair out at being so frustrated, you have no idea.”
“Because I left you alone all week?”
“Because you were kind of a dick about the whole thing. You could’ve said ‘hey, Cam, I’m laying low so we fucking nail that scene that you’re so not looking forward to shooting, but I’m still going to be around so I can keep you cool.’”
“Was that me? That was a horrible impression.”
“Whatever, you know what I’m saying.”
“Aww.”
“What?”
“You’re saying you missed me.”
“Did not,” she crabbed in return.
Jared moved closer, an arm around her back and his head tipping against hers. His voice stayed light. “You totally missed me and you’re pissed at me for keeping my awesomeness away from you.”
“I hate you.”
“Cam, I solemnly swear to never keep my amazingness away from you for more than two days without advance notice. I’ll even bring a note from my mom.”
“You are a dick.” She tried to pull out of his embrace, but he was just all long arms and legs and warmth that she only seemed to squirm a little and face him more, which made him move even closer.
“I have to warn you though, this new pact may overwhelm you.”
“I may smother you in your sleep.”
His smile grew, showing off the brilliant white of his teeth, and she fought her own smile in that moment. “If that means you make appearances in my bedroom, then I am a-okay with this agreement.”
“It means that,” she started, not sure where she was going to go, but she had felt the urge to give one more sarcastic comment.
“That what?” he smirked.
But Cameron was caught up in the moment of his touch, his voice, that smile, the alcohol, having him back in her trailer. Just, everything. “I don’t know.”
Next
She rolled over on the couch to see him, sleepily smiled, and then stared at the ceiling as her eyes slowly blinked open and closed to will herself awake. “What’s up?”
His fingers dangled at her forehead before playing with some stray hair. “You up for those shots tonight?”
“Dude, I’m exhausted.”
He smirked. “Told you I’d tired you out.”
Cameron smacked his hand away from her head and rolled to her side. “There’s a bottle in the cabinet.”
They wound up sipping double shots on the couch, letting the warm amber relax them without taking them too far out of their heads. Their conversations dipped between funny onset gaffes - they fought the other to tell the best stories, and eventually just cracked up as they tried to gain momentum in the telling - to some of their favorite people to work with. When he didn’t mention his Supernatural costar, she asked about him.
Jared eyed her carefully. “What about him?”
“From what I heard, you two are inseparable. I’m surprised we didn’t have to spring for a connecting room just so he could keep you company.”
He laughed. “We can have our own lives, ya know? We did before the show, we will after.”
“How’s that working for you?”
Jared shrugged and gave her a confused look. “What? It’s life and a job and we’re just doing our own things.”
“You don’t talk?”
“Shit, yeah, we do,” he smirked, leaning back into the couch, spreading his arms across the back. “He’s in Maine doing something on location, and here I am. Doing my Integrity Film.”
She laughed. “Integrity Film?”
His shoulders rose as he took a deep breath. “All I’ve done is be the heartthrob and hero of nightmares. This is kinda like real life here.”
“Oh, c’mon. Djins and shapeshifters is so real life. Have you seen Linsday Lohan and Brittney Spears?"
Jared chuckled, but eyed her oddly. “Djins?”
“So I watched a show or two? It wasn’t completely miserable.”
His eyes closed in on hers, trying to see her reaction. “Like research?”
“Something like that,” she lied, taking another sip. In truth, she’d watched quite a bit of the show when someone turned her onto it. She couldn’t stop watching because the guys were kind of hot and absolutely funny at the right times, and while she was totally up to her nose with a reputation for ‘Integrity Films,’ people who really knew her knew she was a total sucker for a good fantasy story.
“I saw your stuff. It’s good.” His voice was level and she saw something settle on his face. Either he was getting drunk or he was being honest.
She kind of figured the two really went hand-in-hand, so she could take the compliment. But not without some heat. “You just want to get into my pants.”
Jared chuckled and then rubbed his palm at her back. He’d done it probably twenty times before on set, but it seemed more intimate in her trailer after quite a few SoCo and limes.
Her neck craned to watch him while she still leaned forward, elbows on her knees. She kept a strange, fond look on her face, which made him ask about it. “I don’t know. You’re just …”
When she didn’t continue, he prompted, “Yeah?”
Cameron tipped back the rest of her drink before pouring another for each of them. “You’re kind of sane when you’re chilled out.”
His eyebrows rose. “And a little drunk.”
She laughed and leaned back into the couch. In seconds, his elbow bent to let his fingers playing lightly at the top of her head. “I think we need to have an AA meeting tomorrow. Maybe just as a precaution. I don’t think drinking in my trailer is a good idea.”
“I don’t think having a bottle in your trailer is either.”
“At least it was full.”
He gave a light chuckle. “The seal was broken.”
Cameron pushed deeper into the couch, relishing the easy feel between them. “I smelled it this morning. It calmed me a little.”
“You did good. You only slipped me the tongue at the end.”
She heard the humor in his voice and casually elbowed him. He smiled, closed his palm at the side of her neck and leaned over to kiss the top of her head. While she was absolutely loving the moment and felt so loose and warm with her buzz drifting into a wee bit of drunk, not to mention the intense heat coming from Jared’s body, she knew it was a terrible idea to continue on for any longer. As it was, she felt a tingle in her belly and something between her legs. She had only once before hooked up during filming, and it ended pretty horribly, to the point that she still called it ‘The Film That Shall Not Be Named’ because of how awful she felt after the wrap party when it was apparent that he was going to California, she was going back home to Chicago, and he basically never intended to do more than have fun on location even when he had said differently.
Cameron was trying to figure out the best way to shoo Jared away without being rude or obvious to how he was affecting her. She could claim she was tired with exaggerated yawns. She could stand up abruptly and claim she had a low tolerance for liquor. Before she could fashion an answer, his voice slipped into her thoughts. “I think we should just do this.” She felt his hand begin to stroke her neck.
She turned toward him with a raised eyebrow. “Really?”
He shrugged but had a confident face. “Yeah, just take it on from 312. We’re going to have to do more make outs on screen, so we should be comfortable.”
In her slight drunken daze, she liked the idea, but something stood forward and kicked her brain on. “You’re a set sleaze, aren’t you?”
“What?”
“You dated the girl from Gilmore, then a few someones from Supernatural.”
He easily nodded. “Yeah. Why?”
She shook her head with a tiny smile. “It’s not going to happen.”
Jared was a little blown away with her confidence and while he wasn’t sure he was trying to get to her, maybe he was just joking around as he felt the SoCo taking major control of his brain, he just really didn’t want to end their moment. “You know you want to, but it’s okay. I don’t want you to get too attached,” and he winked, which made her roll her eyes, yet smile. He pulled at her shoulder as he burrowed deeper into the cushions. “C’mere.”
Cameron rested against him, enjoying the comfort of lying with him. She wouldn’t deny it. But she would enjoy it.
*
Three days later, he came in with a quick knock, not waiting for an answer. He asked “Got anything left?” and they basically replayed that night. Talking semi-seriously, cuddling a little, laughing a lot. TWo days after that, she found a box of Southern Comfort on the steps to her trailer, so she invited him over to take care of that bottle, too.
“What is the real name?” he asked one night.
“Mine?”
“Yeah. Nationality? You couldn’t have been born Cameron James. Let’s hear it.”
“It’s St. James. My great grandfather shortened it when he got to Ellis Island.” A raised eyebrow was his reply, and she tacked on, “I’m soapish.”
His eyes crinkled with his smile. “Really?”
Cameron faced him on the couch, with her elbow bent at the back and her face resting in her palm. “Absolutely. My parents are from Santa Barbara. Daddy was a doctor who treated Mother’s brain clusters. She died as I was born. It was tragic. I’m wrecked.”
“That almost sounds real for daytime television.”
“It’s real for my life,” she said flatly before taking another sip of their cherished drink.
His hand reached forward, tapping gently at her arm. “What is it really?”
“Vitkus.”
He watched her, waiting for more. “Okay?”
“Cameron James Vitkus. Lithuanian. Parents grew up in the Lugan area of Chicago.”
Jared’s eyes kept with hers and they narrowed. “Yeah?”
She rolled her eyes and turned back towards the table. “It’s a bore with a side of ring. What do you think?”
“Whatever,” he laughed. “You really from Chicago?” She nodded, and he asked further. “You go back there after all this?”
Cameron leaned further into the cushions. “Yeah, I’m so grounded in that place, I hate being away for all too long. LA feels too sterile or something.”
Jared watched her, silently pleading with her to continue talking, loving how natural she spoke when it meant something.
“My friends are all there. We have a plan, the next project. So, I would go back anyway, just to work. But that place is steeped in so much texture and good people. I kind of hate it here.”
“But you have all these people,” he prompted, referring to those on the film that she talked with regularly, getting dinner and later drinks. Well, when she wasn’t holed up in her trailer with him.
“It’s not the same. They’re the few normal folk, and there aren’t many at the next stage. My agent keeps begging me to be the goofy sidekick in Nicholas Cage and Sandra Bullock movies. It is so not what I want. I don’t want the full system.”
“Hmm,” he sounded before taking a sip.
Her head lolled to him. “What?”
“Remember you said I seemed sane when I’m alone?” She nodded. “You do, too.”
Cameron swung her glass towards him with a satisfied smile. “I am an onion. Layers and layers. You never know what you’re gonna get.”
His head rested against his arm, still placed behind them on the back of the couch. “I’m pretty sure that was a box of chocolates.”
“I’m that, too. Full of gooey morsels.”
“Chewy and nutty?”
Her mouth hitched up on one side. “Sometimes.”
Jared’s hand reached out further to move some hair from her face. His eyes turned from her to the motion, but his lips were still curled in a lazy smile.
“You do this with Jensen?”
“Hmm?”
“Hang out in his trailer? Drinking, talking about random things, intimately sweeping hair from his face?”
He nodded slowly through her questions. “Mostly. He plays with my hair, though.”
Cameron reached out, feeling more willing to return his little touches, so terribly comfortable in his space. Her hand lightly tugged on his shaggy hair, twisting some strands around her finger before dropping her hand and brushing his cheek. She could feel the scratchiness of his character-driven stubble and smirked. “You look good like this.”
His eyebrows furrowed with a smirk. “I always look good.”
“Spare me,” she rolled her eyes.
“I would never. You - nay, everyone - needs the full Jared Padalecki experience.”
“Jared Paduhlucky needs to cool it before he is blacklisted for an excessive ego.”
He tipped his head back against his arm, but kept his eyes on her face, taking it in. “Jared Gonnagetlucky?”
She laughed, and then patted her hand at his face, the spot she had touched moments before. “Please.”
Jared grabbed onto her hand, playing with the fingers. “What? Cam, let’s do this.” She watched him as he kept the same soft look on his face. “This is good stuff in this trailer. This could be good.”
Cameron sat up a little straighter and shook her head, but kept the smile. Because it was entirely too flattering. “I’ve seen the girls you go for. We are not one in the same.”
“I’ve dated actresses. You’re one.”
“They are four-foot beauty queens on sticks. I am -”
“A human being?” He shrugged lightly. “It might be a good change of pace for me.”
With narrowed eyes and a slight chuckle, “You’re not talking about dating. You’re the set sleaze.”
His hand came to his chest in mock pain. “I am totally talking about more than one night.”
She rolled her eyes, but realized she was still smiling. It was still flattering. “Yeah, okay. We’ll see at the end of the shoot.”
“Yeah, okay."
*
They continued with their random SoCo nights, but each of them let more time fall between them. Instead of nearly every other day, three to four passed. Then a full week. She had sort of just expected him to come by, but he never did. And even while everything on set felt okay, she didn’t feel comfortable constantly asking him to come by, so more days drifted between their hanging out
Right about when their time offset cut down to nothing, they had to film another kissing scene, wrought with tension between the characters. Hers just gets off the phone with her husband. His is staring down on her questioning what she really wants. They bicker and complain, and she’s physically upset while he just sighs and gives his points, but then she suddenly gets into action and pulls him in and starts kissing, and it takes him a few times before he is willing to respond. While the characters are both introspective and guarded, hers comes out and makes the move.
It put Cameron on the edge because he wasn’t responding much to her moves - he wasn’t supposed to, she knew. But she at least wanted some recognition that it was going okay. No. She wanted the flag to be waved that it was going well, and that she was doing everything right. But he was actually on target, focusing for most of the time that the camera was off, and then jumping into the character when they yelled action. It put her on edge, which in truth, kind of made the whole scene really work, and everyone noticed how awkward it all was, even when it was spot on. Susan, one of the producers and a pal of Cameron’s from her last film, even noted it. “It’s like we have two totally different people here. What is wrong?”
Cameron shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s the scene.”
She replied over her mug of coffee. “It’s you.” When there was no answer, she asked further. “Something going on here?”
Crossing her arms, Cameron kept her eyes to the set around them as someone reset some lights. “It’s a hard scene.”
“What’s so hard? You hang up the phone, then drag Jared to you and you make out.”
“It’s not as easy as you’d think.” And it wasn’t in that moment for her. She had spent the last two months fighting off his clever pick-up lines, doing her best to top his humor, and basically immaturely flirt with him. But that day, she couldn’t do any of those things, and he wasn’t exactly opening himself up to any of it. So she was on edge and stayed away.
By the end of all the tense kissing, she was covered in his cherry Blistex, wrought with bitter emotions, and pretty much ready for a drink. At her trailer, she fumbled with the doors to the cabinet and finally sat cross legged on the floor to calm down and pulled the bottle out. Cameron stared at it for a long while, remembering how she took it out that morning, thinking of a shot to start the day, just to take the nerves away. She was beginning to wonder if her Pavlovian response to Jared was Southern Comfort, and how she could fix that.
“Hey.”
She turned to the door and saw him cracking it open a few inches.
“Can I come in?”
Cameron held a flat face, trying to hide the emotion she had been feeling all day that was now crashing inside her brain. All the torture and turmoil of the character, the times she had to drum up emotional tears, argue with him, and finally ask for his consent with a kiss that he wouldn’t return. She felt as if she had actually gone through it all in real life, not just snippets in between calls of action and cut.
“You okay?” he asked carefully, but didn’t quite enter the trailer. Just kept his hand on the knob and watched her.
She sighed and looked back to the bottle with a nod.
Jared entered and slowly closed the door to eliminate any major noise then took a few seconds to move over to her, still waiting for her to say something. He dragged his hand over the back of her head and looked down on her. “What’s goin’ on?”
Another sigh. “Tough day,” she finally responded.
He sat, stretching his legs behind her and leaned in to see the bottle. His voice came out light and fun. “It’s been a little while since we did this. Think we’re due?”
It had been nearly two weeks, she was due for sure. Her lips curled a small smile and she took a deep breath. “Why do I always need this to get through filming with you?” she joked.
Jared took the bottle, opened it, and then smelled the liquor with a smirk. “Nonsense. This is celebratory because of how awesome it is with me.” She only smiled in return, still not much for words. So he put the bottle down and shifted a leg to either side of her, draping his arms around her. “C’mere,” he prompted, pulling her in and squeezing.
“Today was horrible.”
His chin rested atop her head as she leaned into his embrace. “Nonsense. You were good.”
“Whether I was or wasn’t, it was bad.”
He chuckled. “You wrote the script.”
“I know.” Her voice came out so little that he pulled back enough to look at her face. “I guess I didn’t think about acting it out.”
“That is sort of your job.”
Cameron tipped her head against his arm as she held his wrist. “It’s harder with you. I don’t want to yell at you and cry at you.”
“Then we’re in agreement. Because I don’t want you to either.” She looked over to his face and smiled lightly, still not entirely feeling the humor within her, but truly appreciating his. Jared moved in and kissed at her cheek. “Do we still need the bottle? We’re doing pretty good with the serious mood right now.”
With a sigh, she moved away to grab the Southern Comfort. “I definitely need something if we’re going to continue being so emo.”
“Think we could pull off the eyeliner?”
She seemed to size up his face then finally said, “I thought you already wore some?”
He was about to harp in return, but instead watched her. When she smiled the typical, witty Cameron smirk, he smiled and leaned in for another kiss at her head. They got the drinks ready and Cameron quickly took back the double shot before he could even get a real sip out of his. “I thought you didn’t like method,” he joked.
“I don’t. It’s pretentious.”
He laughed. “Really?”
“Yeah, really.”
She was pouring more out when he responded. “Says the girl who won’t share a title with Nicolas Cage.”
Another quick sip, but not as much as before, and she stared at him with big eyes. “Would you?”
He paused, and then took a drink. “Okay, maybe not.”
“The Ferret King.” Then she physically shook, as if the thought was bad enough to have in her brain.
“Could be Travolta.”
“Ugh,” and she made the motion again, but on a smaller scale.
“They both made good movies at one time,” he pointed out, moving his glass towards her.
“And now, they both make monster dumps.”
Jared smiled, seeing the fun Cameron return, even if she was being harsh. At least she wasn’t so dejected. It made him nervous, wondering how to deal with her like that.
Her words interrupted his worry. “I’ve decided, no more Integrity Films. Just cash cow, trashcan movies with men who wear rodents on their heads.”
He laughed. “What’re you talking about?”
She leaned back to the table behind her, resting her elbows on the surface. “I could be rich and happy. Instead of all melodramatic and poor.”
“There is no way you are poor.”
“Okay, not sitting on the corner with a cup of pencils poor. But you know, I could have more money. Not all of us are blessed to be in a TV show in Jensen Ackles.”
He rolled his eyes with a light laugh. “Right, a billionaire.”
“Still doing well.”
“I don’t know,” he started warily. “I think you have a good spot. As far as popularity and credibility.”
“You mean, as far as I have none of either.”
He scoffed. “You have plenty of both. People who know you know you’re not a waste of space.
Cameron pushed her glass towards him for a refill. “You’re forgetting the fact that not many people know who I am.”
“Some do.”
“Not many. There are not hordes of fans lining up to see a Cameron James movie.”
“Yeah, but they know you well enough to know. It could be worse.”
“How?”
“The people who really know you know you’re a bitch, but that hasn’t gotten out yet.”
She laughed. “Oh, yeah, thank you for bringing that up.”
Jared tipped his glass off his forehead. “Don’t mention it.” After a few moments, he started the conversation again. “You forget the downside to having fans.”
“Making so much money you don’t know what to do with yourself?”
He carried on as if she hadn’t even spoken. “Having ones who actually care if what you’re doing isn’t perfect. And then care what you do in your life and what you wear and who you sleep with.
“Ahh,” she smiled. “Exhibit 1 for us not hooking up.”
Rolling his eyes, he took another sip. “I just mean that in my other relationships,” he stressed. “You don’t see a whole lot of support for the girlfriend, and everyone has a better opinion on how to run your life.”
“Exhibit 2.”
“I don’t care. But they do.” She thought that one over. He spoke casually without looking at her. “But knowing how attention starved you are, any attention is good attention, right?”
“Shut the fuck up,” she laughed.
A few drinks later, and she finally had the nerve to ask what he’d been up to the last few weeks, the time he seemed to be kind of avoiding her.
“Just hanging at the hotel. The bar is pretty sweet.” Jared patted his palm at her knee. “You should come down there sometime. We’ll sit in real seats and drink real drinks.”
“I don’t do real drinks. This is it,” and she tipped her glass up.
“Someday I’ll introduce you to real drinks, and you will like them. You may invite them over for lunch.”
“You do that and I’m going to have a very uncomfortable conversation with Southern Comfort. Do you really want to hurt his feelings?”
“I heard he’s totally nailing that asshole Cuervo.”
Cameron laughed into her glass then took another drink. She then stared at him while he drank from his glass. When he looked to her, his hand came up to rub the back of her head - a motion he’d taken to doing whenever he was near her, and if she were being honest, one she really loved. “Thank you for coming by tonight.”
“Of course,” he nodded.
“You’d been MIA and I just let it go.”
His fingers strung her hair out, let it fall, and then strung pieces out again. And again. “See, we’re working on this thing called a movie.”
“Ass,” she laughed.
“And while my co-star - total bitch by the way - isn’t real serious about it, I kind of am.”
Cameron smiled but was confused. “How do you take it seriously when you’re drinking with me all the time.”
“Not this week.”
“What? Did the light come on in your brain and you decided to drink by yourself? That’s healthy.”
“Nah, I just hung out on my own.”
Her back tensed and she stared at her fingers playing with the glass. “Real ego boost there, guy.”
“I’m sorry,” he smiled. “I didn’t know my sole purpose in life was to be your playmate.”
“What do you think you’re really getting paid for?”
“Ernie first said it was love slave, but you’re not letting that happen, so I guess it’s punching bag.” He took another sip then watched her. “What’s wrong? Why the big deal about this?”
She sighed and went back to watching her glass. “I don’t know. It was just hard today. It was so tense.”
“It’s the scene, it’s supposed to be.”
“Yeah, but it felt worse not feeling comfortable with you.”
“That was kind of my point.” Cameron watched him and thought it all over. Then she slapped at his arm. “What the hell?”
“You went method on me?” she crabbed at him. “You fucking went method and pulled me in with you!” Jared laughed. “I hate you. I officially fucking hate you.”
“That scene was awesome.” She continued to shake her head as he went on. “They got some really great clips there, really, you should see them.”
“Not listening, I’m too busy hating.”
“What’s the big deal? It worked.”
She turned towards him, tossing her hands into the air. “It was fucking miserable is the big deal. I wanted to tear my own hair out at being so frustrated, you have no idea.”
“Because I left you alone all week?”
“Because you were kind of a dick about the whole thing. You could’ve said ‘hey, Cam, I’m laying low so we fucking nail that scene that you’re so not looking forward to shooting, but I’m still going to be around so I can keep you cool.’”
“Was that me? That was a horrible impression.”
“Whatever, you know what I’m saying.”
“Aww.”
“What?”
“You’re saying you missed me.”
“Did not,” she crabbed in return.
Jared moved closer, an arm around her back and his head tipping against hers. His voice stayed light. “You totally missed me and you’re pissed at me for keeping my awesomeness away from you.”
“I hate you.”
“Cam, I solemnly swear to never keep my amazingness away from you for more than two days without advance notice. I’ll even bring a note from my mom.”
“You are a dick.” She tried to pull out of his embrace, but he was just all long arms and legs and warmth that she only seemed to squirm a little and face him more, which made him move even closer.
“I have to warn you though, this new pact may overwhelm you.”
“I may smother you in your sleep.”
His smile grew, showing off the brilliant white of his teeth, and she fought her own smile in that moment. “If that means you make appearances in my bedroom, then I am a-okay with this agreement.”
“It means that,” she started, not sure where she was going to go, but she had felt the urge to give one more sarcastic comment.
“That what?” he smirked.
But Cameron was caught up in the moment of his touch, his voice, that smile, the alcohol, having him back in her trailer. Just, everything. “I don’t know.”
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