J2 AU | R | No Strings Could Secure You | Notes and Soundtrack
NOTES!
Oh, holy hell, I cannot believe I am here. Okay, so this story is born from the fact that I cannot see, read, or hear any story anymore without thinking J2. For a bookclub I was reading Fahrenheit 451, and immediately thought of the boys, one an actor who draws the other into his world. Maybe on purpose, maybe not, but either way it was absolutely the most interesting thing I had considered in a long time - fanfic or not. So I just went with it, and as I thought about it, as I wrote the prologue, I realized that this could really be an emotional story and not just something that slides right by the readers. And in that, I wanted it to be emotional and tense and really raw with the possibility of what Jared goes through - opening yourself up to new things, experiencing the emotions and raw power of what media can really do for people. So, the descriptions get a bit too whimsical sometimes, but imagine going your whole life with never seeing a single TV show and suddenly you do ... you'd be blown away. I kind of played the dialogue this way, too. There's not a whole lot of swearing, and if anyone, Jensen does it more. I felt like he'd be more open with the emotions in speech because he's spoke those words. I feel pretty good about that part.
So this story is born from those feelings, of being moved by TV and film and music, being inspired by the emotions they bring - happy, sad, funny, contemplative. Because we all see these things and they all hit us differently. In short, this is my love letter to media and a big ass kiss on the lips for all it's ever made me feel.
About a week ago, as I started this thing up, I began to feel overwhelmed and it scared me, the scale at which I saw this story (not that I'm egotistical, but I saw the possibilities and wanted to do it right). So I asked a handful of people that I really enjoy reading, and in the end timehasa_way stepped up and volunteered to help however time would allow her. And my word, is she fantastic. She beta-ed/edited/whatever this monstrosity in four, five stages, going along as I wrote, and her cheerleading and gushing was what kept me moving forward to make the story as good as I could. I didn't want to disappoint her because she was just as invested as I was. So THANK YOU. You have no idea how happy you made me feel when I received those rambly emails. I'd read them a few times over before I'd start writing, just to feel positive about what I was doing, where it was going, how it was being done. Add onto this the fact that I don't go anywhere without my phone and psychotically check my email on it, and I was like REFRESH REFRESH REFRESH for hours after sending files because I was DYING for the feedback. It was so helpful and clearly made this thing better in ways I couldn't imagine. Some of the stuff you'd explain out and it all opened my own eyes to how I could play certain emotions or where I could really take the story (when I didn't think I could). I love you so much, I promise you a gold diamond ring. It's on order.
Additionally, just to the flist and those who constantly commented with me about this thing? You are awesome. I'm so new, SO NEW, to this whole world and you're all making it so easy to dive right in and feel welcome. So this is to you all as well, because I want you to be entertained here, and I want us to have things to talk about. And most of all, I want to share all these awe-inspiring fics that we write for all of fandom (I'm so schmoopy sometimes, it's gross).
SOUNDTRACK, DOWNLOAD HERE, YO
While I was driven by all the TV and movies I've seen in my life, music really carried me through this all. I watched Foo Fighters @ Wembley nearly every time I wrote, playing it in the background and letting the angst and ferociousness of Dave "Emeffing" Grohl lead the way. So many other songs spoke to me when I wasn't using FF, and I compiled them all here. It's all in the link above, and I apologize but most of them are iTunes and I didn't bother to convert any. Mmhmm. Anyway, below is the track list and a few choice lyrics that really fed me.
"White Room" by Cream
You said no strings could secure you at the station
Platform ticket, restless diesels, goodbye windows
I walked into such a sad time at the station
As I walked out, felt my own need just beginning
"Call the Police" by James Morrison
And all I see is a less-good version
Of a man I don't want to be
All I feel is you tying me down
To something that just isn't real
And all I need is some truth, God help me
Before the devil buries me
"This Boy" by James Morrison
I'm still here
But it hasn't been easy
I'm sure
That you had your reasons
I'm scared
Of all this emotion
For years I've been holding it down
"Gravity" by John Mayer
Oh twice as much
Ain’t twice as good
And can't sustain
Like one half could
It's wanting more
It's gonna send me to my knees
"I Feel Free" by Cream
I can walk down the street, theres no one there
Though the pavements are one huge crowd
I can drive down the road; my eyes dont see
Though my mind wants to cry out loud
I feel free
"Love" by Sugarland
Um, pretty much the whole song, because I felt like the emotions would match how Jared suddenly felt about everything once he experienced media.
"Stay" by Sugarland
Absolutely Jensen's song, even when we're not sure what he really feels until Jared shows up in the middle of the night.
And I'll be begging you, baby
Beg you not to leave
But I'll be left here waiting
With my Heart on my sleeve
"Something" by George Harrison
So I shamelessly put this in the story, but also, I felt like it's how Jared feels about Jensen, too. An inexplicable love.
I dont want to leave her now
You know I believe and how
"Vultures" by John Mayer
Down to the wire
I wanted water but
I'll walk through the fire
If this is what it takes
To take me even higher
Then I'll come through
Like I do
When the world keeps
Testing me, testing me,testing me
"The Pretender" by Foo Fighters
What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
You're the pretender
What if I say I will never surrender?
"All My Life" by Foo Fighters
Again, pretty much the whole song.
"Home" by Foo Fighters
SO, initially "Echoes and Silence, Patience and Grace" was going to be the title, but it felt way too pompous. I still adore this song and now that the story's done, I feel like it fits Jensen more than anything. Hrm.
Echoes and silence
Patience and grace
All of these moments
I'll never replace
No fear of my heart
Absence of faith
"Wonderful World" by James Morrison
And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me
"One" by Bono and Mary J. Blige
One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Anyway, thank you for reading this far, for giving this little story a chance. I hope it hits you the same way it did me, and more. Because that's the whole point of this monstrosity - how everyone is affected differently by the same piece of "art." Aww, I'm adorable.