(no subject)
Yo no sé lo que ha sucedido a mí en los últimos 3 días. This makes no sense, much like that just made no sense. I think I'm going insaine, and I'm not kidding. Life has thrown me some weird curve balls --best friends, boy friends, dead boyfriends, music, talent, friends. But I'm not sure what to think anymore. It's like I think I'm no longer myself. Like I'm playing some character in a play that I was able to research really well. So Angel's mom called me today and wanted to talk about him and what happened, but bc I've already been having such a weird week, I didn't need it right then, but i spoke to her anyway about him, bc he is --well was-- her son and she has a right to know about what happened. He sent me a letter in the mail telling me why he did what he did, and I felt I should tell her, but he was being rediculous, it's like how I was my sophmore year at berry. But I can't believe what he did that next January!!! WHAT A F@CKER! I didn't think i'd ever loose him, well not yet.....
I think that life happens to us... we don't control it no matter what... if we did I would never have lost Angel and Christopher, and Davin and Jason... Mark, Elizabeth... and the list goes on and on. Maybe it's some bing joke that's being played on me.... maybe some day I'll wake up from a horrible dream and I'll be 13 again.... I don't know....
See I can't even organize my thoughts correctly, I just spent the last 15 minutes reading what I just wrote and it makes no sense......AH! Maybe i need to see Dr. Ashley again... but for what... CONFUSION!
Life just is and I have to get used to it....
Maybe God and the Devil are playing for me, but come on WTF! I can't beleive that The utilmate good in the world would allow shit to happen...
OH... i broke a castmate of mine a few days ago, and I really feel bad about it... plus, I have to go and get drug tested at work too, sometime this week, but I don't know when....
I hope things turn around soon... that's why I've begun to write here again, when I had a journal things were ok... and I went 5 months without a suicidal thought, so I think it's time to start again.... It's all about focus... focus... focus.....
A wise man once wrote:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
Fromthe dust, I will grow. From pebbles water flows. And from a deadend soul, new life will begin again.
I think that life happens to us... we don't control it no matter what... if we did I would never have lost Angel and Christopher, and Davin and Jason... Mark, Elizabeth... and the list goes on and on. Maybe it's some bing joke that's being played on me.... maybe some day I'll wake up from a horrible dream and I'll be 13 again.... I don't know....
See I can't even organize my thoughts correctly, I just spent the last 15 minutes reading what I just wrote and it makes no sense......AH! Maybe i need to see Dr. Ashley again... but for what... CONFUSION!
Life just is and I have to get used to it....
Maybe God and the Devil are playing for me, but come on WTF! I can't beleive that The utilmate good in the world would allow shit to happen...
OH... i broke a castmate of mine a few days ago, and I really feel bad about it... plus, I have to go and get drug tested at work too, sometime this week, but I don't know when....
I hope things turn around soon... that's why I've begun to write here again, when I had a journal things were ok... and I went 5 months without a suicidal thought, so I think it's time to start again.... It's all about focus... focus... focus.....
A wise man once wrote:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
Fromthe dust, I will grow. From pebbles water flows. And from a deadend soul, new life will begin again.