the joke is on me
i just want to live, love, make music, and be at peace. that becomes difficult when igorance, selfish greed, anger, and illusion rule the heart/mind.
I don't expect anyone to understand this but I just gotta say that I have some damn strong feelings for a good old friend and sometimes she seems to feel the same way but she is in a situation that makes me think it wouldn't happen - until i hang out with her and then it feels like we are really close and comfortable with each other. the only thing is she seems to have been blowing me off a little lately and i found myself getting kind of upset about it. having feelings for her feels more right than having feelings for any other girl around here, and she seems to be more fond of me than any other girl i am around.
I don't know what to do, i never know what to do. not with girls anyway. i just be myself but that doesn't always work out, and there have only been a couple of girls i've ever met that got me on a deep enough level that i felt truly connected to them. only one of them lives here and she's the one who has been confusing me lately. i suppose its possible she has just been drunk and flirty the last couple times i've seen her but we really do connect with each other, even if we have never connected with our connectors. but thats why i get so frustrated when i feel like we might be getting closer then all of a sudden she is hanging out drinking a few houses down from me on the night that i thought we had made plans to hang out and talk, one-on-one. that made me feel very...ignored. she said she was happy to see me when i went down there but i definitely felt like i was interrupting something. it would have been downright unpleasant if we hadn't had a great audio/visual distraction and some libations.
i guess it's pretty easy for me to get the wrong idea when it comes to girls - always has been. but i'm sick and tired of being misunderstood or ignored and i'm definitely tired of talking about all the freaking times i haven't gotten laid. This isn't necessarily about that girl, and she knows who she is, although a lot of unexpected frustration has come from my interactions with her (or lack thereof) lately. it's about me and my inability to escape my biological drives, and always thinking that slowing down, meditating, and finding someone who can join in was a really great idea. she could join in if she wanted but all i've heard so far is talk. come meditate with me, be REALLY REALLY REAL as often as possible. i'm like one of those weird ugly little frogs that you have to kiss before he transforms into a prince. except i'm tired of being a frog. people look at me and say 'aww what an adorable little ugly frog, look, he's all nervous' and then they put me back down and i make some weird sounds and hop back down to the college street ashram to get drunk and write a damn butt-hurt song about it.
I don't expect anyone to understand this but I just gotta say that I have some damn strong feelings for a good old friend and sometimes she seems to feel the same way but she is in a situation that makes me think it wouldn't happen - until i hang out with her and then it feels like we are really close and comfortable with each other. the only thing is she seems to have been blowing me off a little lately and i found myself getting kind of upset about it. having feelings for her feels more right than having feelings for any other girl around here, and she seems to be more fond of me than any other girl i am around.
I don't know what to do, i never know what to do. not with girls anyway. i just be myself but that doesn't always work out, and there have only been a couple of girls i've ever met that got me on a deep enough level that i felt truly connected to them. only one of them lives here and she's the one who has been confusing me lately. i suppose its possible she has just been drunk and flirty the last couple times i've seen her but we really do connect with each other, even if we have never connected with our connectors. but thats why i get so frustrated when i feel like we might be getting closer then all of a sudden she is hanging out drinking a few houses down from me on the night that i thought we had made plans to hang out and talk, one-on-one. that made me feel very...ignored. she said she was happy to see me when i went down there but i definitely felt like i was interrupting something. it would have been downright unpleasant if we hadn't had a great audio/visual distraction and some libations.
i guess it's pretty easy for me to get the wrong idea when it comes to girls - always has been. but i'm sick and tired of being misunderstood or ignored and i'm definitely tired of talking about all the freaking times i haven't gotten laid. This isn't necessarily about that girl, and she knows who she is, although a lot of unexpected frustration has come from my interactions with her (or lack thereof) lately. it's about me and my inability to escape my biological drives, and always thinking that slowing down, meditating, and finding someone who can join in was a really great idea. she could join in if she wanted but all i've heard so far is talk. come meditate with me, be REALLY REALLY REAL as often as possible. i'm like one of those weird ugly little frogs that you have to kiss before he transforms into a prince. except i'm tired of being a frog. people look at me and say 'aww what an adorable little ugly frog, look, he's all nervous' and then they put me back down and i make some weird sounds and hop back down to the college street ashram to get drunk and write a damn butt-hurt song about it.