First Day of Spring

[duggerhed]

I was really looking forward to Spring. I guess I thought something really wonderful would happen when it turned into spring - I don't know why. Instead I have had nothing but unpleasant experiences all day today and most of the day yesterday

Comments

[duggerhed]

I appreciate the offer but it really would be easiest for me at this point to stay here and finish out my degree. My parents have invested a lot in my education and I feel somewhat obligated to respect their efforts toward it. Besides that I don't often feel as negatively as I did the other day. With respect to Oklahoma and being happy - 90% of the time I feel content here... and I am trying to maintain the attitude that it's not our outside surroundings that ultimately determine our happiness. Our state of mind is completely responsible for that. And we are completely responsible for our state of mind. Now I will admit that if we are not in great control of our state of mind then changing our surroundings can help us achieve a sense of peace - but the real work still lies in taking control of our own minds. You know that inner voice that never shuts up? That's what I'm talking about. That voice is our ego telling us what we want and what we should do and keeps us bogged down in selfish habits. When we are constantly searching for comfort through our ego we are never satisfied. The ego always wants more. True joy doesn't equal pleasure. The ego desires things, feels pleasure, and can experience a sense of comfort, control, and separateness from the outside world. The truth is the ego is an illusion - we are not separate from anything in the universe though we often feel that way when we are caught up in self-centered thinking. We are never in control of the outside world, the only thing we can truly control is our own minds. We must use this ego-identity to interact with other people and the rest of our environment but we need not let the ego use us (by 'us' I mean that conscious awareness which lies at the heart of all of human experience) to fulfill its neverending quest for selfish pleasure and childish emotions and behaviors. As I said in my post I don't look down upon anyone for wanting or feeling the need to leave Oklahoma. This is a difficult place for people like us to be - mostly because there is so much social adversity. Norman is full of zombies and zombies make us sick! You may well be a lot happier moving to Minneapolis but ultimately your true sense of inner peace and genuine joy will come from within - not from anything outside of yourself.

I could probably go on for hours on this tangent but I've got reading to do for class that's an hour and a half away. See ya soon!