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First I would like to say I have updated my Avatar.
Secondly I dont think that many people have gotten a chance to bask in the glory of Chuck Norris. So here are all the reason that you should love and respect the man that can kill you in one round house kick.
( An LJ cut because there are so many reason to admire Chuck Norris. )
Secondly I dont think that many people have gotten a chance to bask in the glory of Chuck Norris. So here are all the reason that you should love and respect the man that can kill you in one round house kick.
( An LJ cut because there are so many reason to admire Chuck Norris. )
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris' penis is so large that it actually warps the fabric of space-time. Indeed some physicists now theorise that the passage of time is mearly a byproduct of Norris' colossal erections. This is known as the "Chuck Norris' big cock theory of space-time".
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever the fuck he wants.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
The Tower of Pisa leans because Chuck Norris kicked it once while on vacation.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to stop bullets becuase they know better
Chuck Norris once had a contest with The Cookie Monster to see who could eat the most cookies. Halfway through the contest, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Cookie Monster for no apparent reason.
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Chuck Norris can put his arm back on, but you can't. So play safe.
If Chuck Norris had a dime for every man that didn't die from his roundhouse kick, he would have no dimes.
Chuck Norris created a circle with corners
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked cancer so hard he gave it AIDS
The symbol for Chuck Norris in sign language is a middle finger on fire
Every year, in accordance with the Make a Wish Foundation, Chuck Norris uses a terminally ill child as a football to kick a Super Bowl winning field goal. Norris is both making and granting the wishes
The Eighth Amendment (no cruel and unusual punishment) was created specifically because of Chuck Norris. This effort was in vain, however, since Chuck Norris is the supreme law of the land
Chuck Norris sent each of the judges at the Academy Awards a giftbasket of mini-muffins and assorted treats to sway them to vote for Sidekicks as Best Picture of the Year. Although it did not win, Chuck is not discouraged and has been filming Sidekicks 2 for 11 years in his basement apartment.
When a fire department couldn't put out a house that was on fire, Chuck Norris happened to walk by and promptly whipped out his monstrous penis to extinguish the flames with his urine. He then made love to every fireman's wife and college daughters
Earthquakes occur when Chuck Norris wants to make a milkshake
Chuck Norris once said, "A strong man can fight, but a real man will end a fight; I am that real man," to a retarded child
Chuck Norris banged Rosie O'Donnell just to prove that no man can resist Chuck Norris.
The only person that can kill Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. He is waiting until he runs out of other people to kill.
A man was standing on the edge of the Empire State Building threatening to jump to his death. Chuck Norris was called in to talk the man down. After successfully persuading the man not to jump, Chuck Norris sucker punched him right off the building
Chuck Norris once took part in a Civil War reenactment. It was the bloodiest day in American history
Chuck Norris was recently credited with finding a new race of people living in his chest hair.
In Vulcan, the same word is used for both "Awesome" and "Chuck Norris".
The "Chuck" in Chuck Norris is not short for Charles, it's short for Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once went back in time to the pre historic era, to exact revenge on a T-Rex that ate an ancestor. On seeing how perfect and round his roundhouse kick was, the cave men were inspired to invent the wheel.
If Chuck Norris asks you to play “Pin the tale on the donkey” you have to play. Just know that Chuck doesn’t play by the same rules you remember from childhood. It’s almost a given that your sternum will be caved in by the end of the game
Chuck Norris spent the first 4 years of World War II strapped to the back of General Patton. He spent this time doodling pictures of himself punching the atom bomb
Everytime a waitress doesn't return with your food ontime, its because Chuck Norris is secretly having sex with her -- and all of the other waitresses -- in a back room. That's also why the food tastes extra good when it finally arrives
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Chuck Norris' left testicle is comprised entirely of beef jerky. Teriyaki style.
A Tsunami is water fleeing from Chuck Norris
Moses did not receive the 10 Commandments from God, they were merely a stone that had been stuck in Chuck Norris' sandal.
Mothers warn their kids not to play with themselves by telling them that Chuck Norris will grow on their palms and roundhouse kick their balls off.
Chuck Norris once fought God. Who won? People are still trying to find God, and Chuck Norris is on a perpetual worldwide victory lap.
Chuck Norris has had sex with every single female on the planet. No, of course that doesn't include his mother, Chuck Norris is coming over in five minutes to kill you for thinking that
Chuck Norris performs back alley abortions with his beard
During the 15th century Chuck Norris became tired of sailors complaining about falling off the edge of the Earth. Chuck Norris then round housed the Earth and made it round. He then created scientology so that one day he could have a reason to hate Tom Cruise.
Chuck Norris believes strongly in ending world hunger. He plans to do this by terminating the populations of all third world countries.
Because of his love for the environment, Chuck Norris doesn't run his vehicles on fossil fuels, but instead heats live cats to 600 degrees Fahrenheit, then uses the remains as a potent bio-fuel. Norris claims he averages 40 miles to a cat.
The reason dogs walk in a circle before laying down is to check for Chuck Norris
If Superman and the Flash were to race to the egde of space you know who would win: Chuck Norris.
One gram of Chuck Norris will power the entire universe for 17 years if placed in a nuclear reactor instead of uranium or plutonium.
President Bush DID have a sure fire plan to end the war in Iraq, However Chuck Norris was busy that day.
When Chuck Norris stares in the sky, clouds sweat out of fear. We call this rain.
Chuck Norris can make a grown man cry with interpretive dance
Chuck Norris versus God, who would win? Trick question! Chuck Norris is God.
Chuck Norris is the reason why you touch yourself at night.
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