So happy for once...
I haven't updated in so long, so here goes...
Everything in my life right now is going pretty OK. It doesn't matter though because I'm with someone who makes everything better. There's a comfort that I find in being with him that I can't explain to anyone. It makes me so happy to know that no matter what's going on in my life, I'm not alone. I have him and I will always have him. I honestly never realized that one person could make me soooooo happy!! He wrote this in his blog Thursday, the day after his birthday...I thought I would share because it really means a lot to me...
Thursday, September 15, 2005
OLDER...OUCH
So I'm 26 now...
I actually do feel older...thats the first time I have felt that way...
I did get a pretty good birthday present from a very special person...
It was not wrapped up in paper and it didn't come with a bday bow...
It was the simple presence of some one being there when I needed them...
I've met some one who is the person I would love to be...actaully she is the person that I use to be...I can't explain to you how this inspires me...
I've changed a lot along the way to being 26.
I've been many different people. I guess its just part of getting older.
Now to get to this point and to realize I never had to change. She was waiting for me all this time, ready to except me for who I really am. It makes me happy in so many different ways.
Why did everything happen this past year?
You have to really know what its like to lose love to understand how special and important it is...end of story...
and
everytime you lose the "love of your life", you end up bouncing back better then before. Somehow your able to love more...funny how that works.
for my Bday I realized that I now have some one who cares. REALLY cares. A person I would be proud to introduce to my mother, father and sisters.
A person who is happiest when helping other people, and strong enough to not give in to others. Overall a really GOOD person...That is hard to find these days.
This person is BEAUTIFUL...and WONDERFUL...in every way possible...
My gift this year was the revelation that I'm in love with a person who REALLY loves me too...Every part of me, the good and the bad...
So yeah, I feel older, but thats ok, because for the first time in a long time I feel loved...
I love you Markie...
It's weird how much I've learned this summer. Now that I’m out of school and out of my circle of friends, I’ve realized what’s important to me…and what’s important to me has nothing to do with my so called “friends”. I’ve spend my WHOLE life trying to please people…and trying to make people happy, even if they didn’t like me. I’ve always cared what people thought of me…but suddenly, I’ve realized that I need to take care of myself to be truly happy. I’m the one that gets to decide what makes me happy. I’ve had a lot of people who have told me they love me also be critical of my and Ross’ relationship. If you love me then you should want me to be happy. This guy has never tried to pressure me into anything, he has never hurt me, he has been absolutely amazing. He has showed me what tenderness and love can really be like. He is so different than the guys I’ve dated before. He tells me what he wants…doesn’t beat around the bush or play games. We don’t fight over stupid silly things. He’s not materialistic…he is so appreciative of all he has. I see him everyday go out of his way to help other people. He is always there to listen to his friends’ problems, and to lend a helping hand to those in need…even if it’s just a kind word. He treats me so wonderful. Always wanting to make me happy and show me off. He doesn’t just hang out with me when we’re alone. He loves to take me out and he loves for people to know we’re together. Everything about him is amazing and I wish everyone could see that and be supportive. But the truth is, most of the people I know still don’t realize half the things I have. They’re still immature, still wanting to play games, still trying to start drama…still getting into everyone else’s business. Until a couple of months ago I really honestly cared about what these people thought about me and the things that I did. But I’ve recently realized that I’m in charge of my life now. When my mom leaves in 9 months I’m officially going to be out in the real world by myself. And the choices that I make in my life don’t have anything to do with most of the people who have gone out of their way to bring me down in the past. The people who are important to me have been supportive and that’s what matters. I’ve lost a lot of people I thought loved me in the past few months, but I’m really ok with that. My mom has changed a lot too…she’s getting married soon and we’re nothing like we use to be. We use to be best friends, but lately she seems stuck up. And my best friend and I don’t talk hardly at all anymore. That’s why I’m so glad to have Ross right now. It’s nice to know that it’s not just me against the world. I still love Stacie to death! But she has a whole new life at Valdosta, and she has John. I’m so glad everything in her life is going well right now. And I understand why we can’t be like we use to. My love and appreciation for her will never change. I just need someone close by to lean on for right now. I just want her to always be there and supportive of me. Cause I am of her! I guess my whole point is just to vent and just let people know what’s going on with me right now. I’m lucky enough to realize what I want with my life and where I want it to go already. Thank you to everyone who has been there for me. I couldn’t ask for more! Love you!