twenty-six

[dudeyaylatona]

i do not know what i'm doing anymore. i'm in a brand new city that's nothing like home. i mean, vegas is called sin city, and i feel like a pagan just breathing the air. i have no idea what i have to offer that isn't sex-related, and i have no idea what Jesus has in store for me, and i am just feeling incredibly lost and small and vulnerable right about now. my playlist right now alternates back and forth between "stronger" and "lucky," and my mood keeps flip-flopping with it. no one can empower me like britney does, and nothing in the world can depress me like a song about a girl who cry-cry-cries in her lonely heart. i am so scared that i'm never going to be more than the girl i am right now, and that's not fair, i'm not enough yet. when i lost my dad, i promised myself that from now on, i would live life without regrets, but i am not as confident in my decision to move out here as i was planning on being.

i love you so much, howie d. thank you for reminding me that i'm never completely on my own, no matter where in the world i am. i miss you, nic. once things settle down, i'll try to be around more.

this day is making me incredibly paranoid, is it midnight yet?