4x21: When the Levee Breaks
1. Dude
Dean: 0
Sam: 0
2. "I've been everywhere, man."
Dean: 0
Sam: 0
3. "Jerk." "Bitch."
Dean: 2
I am on call, in my car, on my way to murder the bitch.
Demon bitch is a deal breaker. You kiss her goodbye, we can go right now.
Sam: 0
Bobby Bonus: 1
Correct me if I'm wrong, but you willingly signed up to be the angels' bitch?
4. Jinx: 0
5. Fence-jumpin', Lock-pickin', Gun-shootin', and Door-kickin'.
Number of times a fence is jumped (by Sam, Dean, or both): 0
Number of times a lock is picked (by Sam or Dean): 1 (Bobby's car), one can assumed that Sam picked 2 other car locks since 2 cars were stolen in another town
Number of times a gun is fired (by Sam or Dean): 0
Number of times a door is kicked in (by Sam or Dean): 0
BONUS: broken furniture when the boys fight each other
6. When is "Sam" a "Sammy" and other pressing name questions.
Number of times Dean says, "Sam.": 3 (+ 3 from Hallucination!Dean)
Hallucination!Dean: Tell me something Sam, why did you do this to yourself?
Hallucination!Dean: I know why you really drink that blood, Sam.
Hallucination!Dean: Monster, Sam. You're a monster.
Dean: She's poison, Sam! Sam: It's not what you think, Dean.
Sam, you're lying to yourself.
No. You don't know what you're doing, Sam.
Number of times Dean says, "Sammy.": 1
Congrats Sammy, you've just bought yourself a benchwarmer seat to the Apocalypse.
It doesn't enter the count, but I thought I'd add it:
(while talking to Cas) If I do this, Sammy doesn't have to?
Number of times Sam says, "Dean.": 17 - back to average counts then ;-)
Dean. Come on. This is crazy.
Dean, I'm not drinking the demon blood for kicks.
Dean, look... come back here. Dean, let me out of here! Dean, let me out! LET ME OUT! DEAN!
Bobby! Dean! Help!...(more screaming) DEAN! (offscreen, after the black veins appear)
(to Hallucination!Dean) No, you're wrong Dean.
Hallucination!Dean: Monster, Sam. You're a monster. (to H!Dean) Dean, no.
Dean, I'm glad you're here.
Dean: She's poison, Sam! Sam: It's not what you think, Dean.
Dean: That's French for manipulating your ass ten ways from Sunday. Sam: You're wrong, Dean.
Come with us, Dean. We'll do this together.
Dean, I need her. To help me kill Lilith.
I'm the only one who can do this, Dean.
Stop bossing me around, Dean.
BONUS (since we've decided to add new criteria for next season, I'll start now):
CRYING BOYS
Dean: 1 man-tear of doom
Sam: glistening eyes, no tear
No eating, hugging or calling Bobby in this episode.
Let me know if you think I've missed anything.