(no subject)

[duct_hype]

i got a kitten today. the last time i had a kitten was when i had six toes in the cabin. the last time i had a kitten was when my mom went back to her high school sweetheart and we lived on a horse farm. the last time i had a kitten me and mom lured the feral mother onto our porch with table scraps in the late summer and we watched her eagerly purr down that chicken grease or those hamburger bits. i had two kittens but one got hit by a big truck before school one day. i watched the man come out of his truck with apologies and stuff and shrugging shoulder movemnts. well, my mother got her garden trowel (the one with the wood handle) and a cold slate stone and we covered that stiff cat up with dirt. mom taught me what rigor mortis meant that day.....so now i have a cat and it made me cry today when my mom came home to visit (she's been working long long hours far away from home to pay for my college) with her hands looking like work... she held that little kitten and i said 'oh now mom c'mon he's really small be careful not to squish him!' and she looked at me patiently and told me that all babies are the same + they sleep when they hear a heartbeat.... i want to hear a heartbeat close near me when i'm getting sleepy and i want to nod off with my ear on the chest of a talking person and hear that buzzy sound of words going through the voicebox and i just want living proof that i'm alive.

in other news i have been working steadily the past few days and have acquired quite a nice rouge on my midthighs and calves (i guess my shins are a no go). i had to take a cpr recert today at seven o clock in the morning after a telephone call that went until about three <3). i haven't slept much, really. i'm sticky with sweat and watching the kitties little breaths like a metronome.
goodnight.