Mmmmm, peanuts
I have decided that I like our infirmary here. Although right now it is in an awkward location, and perhaps the unfinished drywall is not the most warm welcome decor but the people make me want to sit in there just to look at the national geographic magazines, snack on the bowl of peanuts (still in the shells mind you), and top of my quiet get away with a nicely wrapped peppermint. Granted that was the only thing good about having the flu but I suppose, on a Monday, if it's not the flu then it's just facing the horrors of the actual Monday. Even though it was the "Interlochen Monday", starting on Tuesday was definitely better. Peace finds me now and again throughout the day and perhaps by the end of the week, I will be able to take the entire ballet class without being conscious of where the theacher is looking. For some unexplained odd reason, women teachers always take me longer to get used to and feel like they don't hate me or at least for ballet. What is even stranger, her name is Cynthia. She is nothing like my CD whom I miss and I doubt I will ever be ever so confident in her company as I am with C. I wonder what happened to all of the self-ownership I had before I left the Hogwarts for the Arts? My modern teacher seems to think that my obsession with the aesthetics comes from I-loch but little does he know, they actually helped me get past some of that. I don't really like it when people decide on you before they actually listen or explore you although, he did say that I was much better today. Perhaps in order to dance well in modern, I have to feel like crap and not give a damn. Believe it or not, the not giving a damn part is actually going to be harder. *sigh* I need to be fixed. I keep wondering when I will feel at ease again and so far, most of the people I have met and gotten to know aren't helping. There is one room in particular where I feel particularly drawn to. It has a good karma and a member with familiar roots. They have their system but they don't over emphasize on it, they're optimistic, and they don't fill my time with empty laughter. Unfortunately, I have yet to gather up the gumption (well the gumption I don't really have so I suppose it should be labeled as "pretend gumption" or something more suitable like that) to just knock on their door to see what they're up to and I doubt they would really enjoy someone like myself invading their space. I AM AN INCONVENIENCE! Wow, I have been dying to say that for a while. That's what it is, I feel like an inconvenience. Please don't tell me I am not because then I actually am because you are having to reassure me. Ugh! That was such a female moment. Mmmmm, shower sounds good. Then again, so does the smell of snow but I suppose that is no longer meant for me. Squirkle! What I don't understand is, how am I truly so brighter and calm when I am still confused and really nothing has changed? Perhaps/obviously something is different. Now what is it and where did I put my stability? Hmmmmm......