Update!
I have had a very busy week and so I thought while I had some down time I would get on and let ya'll know I am doing ok. I went into pre-term labor last Tuesday and had to be rushed to the hospital where luckily they were able to give me a shot to stop my contractions (which were only 4 minutes apart). It was terrifying, but Emma is doing just fine, and I have been trying to modify my stress levels at work so it doesn't happen again.
Also, I have had to come to terms with the fact that my father is a painkiller drug addict, and although he is seeking treatment in some form or another, I have had to face the stark reality that my father isn't infallible. He won't take the medicine that the counselor prescribes because he says it makes him sick, but he the "withdrawls" are making him sick anyways, so I dunno what's going on anymore. My stepmom says he won't even get out of bed much anymore. She says she doesn't know what happened to the man she married. When she started crying I didn't know what to say. I used to be so good at helping to solve problems, but now I am simply overwhelmed.
Joel moved into his own place on Friday with his gf and another couple. He called me yesterday to ask me if I would take him grocery shopping sometime in the coming week. I told him I would. My brother and i have never been particulary close, especially in the last year or so with him being busy all the time and doing his own thing. So it was surprising to hear him open up to me about his missing my parents house, and how he is sad that he isn't around to be with Dad and stuff. Once again, I just didn't know what to say. I tried to tell him that it get's better, but does it really? Do things ever really get better? Or is it just the same shit, a different day? I dunno anymore.
My mom calls me the other day with news that my grandmother on her side isn't doing too well, and she wishes for me to call her so that she can make peace before she passes away. I haven't seen or have had any contact with this women since i was a little kid. She pretty much wrote Joel, my mom, and myself out of her life years ago. As a matter of fact, my mom's whole side of the family pretty much disowned us, though I haven't the faintist idea why. They never cared enough to call or write, or send us any birthday cards or emails or anything. Why should I have to call her so she can make peace? What have any of them done to make amends for the way they treated us? Absolutely fucking nothing! Just leave me alone, I have done fine without you for over a decade, I don't need you now.
My only saving grace lately had been the baby, and Andrew. I have tried to draw my strength from the fact that I love them both dearly, and I have to try my best not to get upset or angry at the situations unfolding around me. I can't afford to, it might send me into labor again, and I need her to stay in me for as long as possible to give her the best chance at life that I can. Only 9 more weeks to go. Andrew has been so loving and supportive. I don't know what I would do without him. He is my rock and my strength right now. Everything else seems to be falling apart, but he has been there for me, and I love him more now than I ever have before. He will be a wonderful Daddy!
Also, I have had to come to terms with the fact that my father is a painkiller drug addict, and although he is seeking treatment in some form or another, I have had to face the stark reality that my father isn't infallible. He won't take the medicine that the counselor prescribes because he says it makes him sick, but he the "withdrawls" are making him sick anyways, so I dunno what's going on anymore. My stepmom says he won't even get out of bed much anymore. She says she doesn't know what happened to the man she married. When she started crying I didn't know what to say. I used to be so good at helping to solve problems, but now I am simply overwhelmed.
Joel moved into his own place on Friday with his gf and another couple. He called me yesterday to ask me if I would take him grocery shopping sometime in the coming week. I told him I would. My brother and i have never been particulary close, especially in the last year or so with him being busy all the time and doing his own thing. So it was surprising to hear him open up to me about his missing my parents house, and how he is sad that he isn't around to be with Dad and stuff. Once again, I just didn't know what to say. I tried to tell him that it get's better, but does it really? Do things ever really get better? Or is it just the same shit, a different day? I dunno anymore.
My mom calls me the other day with news that my grandmother on her side isn't doing too well, and she wishes for me to call her so that she can make peace before she passes away. I haven't seen or have had any contact with this women since i was a little kid. She pretty much wrote Joel, my mom, and myself out of her life years ago. As a matter of fact, my mom's whole side of the family pretty much disowned us, though I haven't the faintist idea why. They never cared enough to call or write, or send us any birthday cards or emails or anything. Why should I have to call her so she can make peace? What have any of them done to make amends for the way they treated us? Absolutely fucking nothing! Just leave me alone, I have done fine without you for over a decade, I don't need you now.
My only saving grace lately had been the baby, and Andrew. I have tried to draw my strength from the fact that I love them both dearly, and I have to try my best not to get upset or angry at the situations unfolding around me. I can't afford to, it might send me into labor again, and I need her to stay in me for as long as possible to give her the best chance at life that I can. Only 9 more weeks to go. Andrew has been so loving and supportive. I don't know what I would do without him. He is my rock and my strength right now. Everything else seems to be falling apart, but he has been there for me, and I love him more now than I ever have before. He will be a wonderful Daddy!