(no subject)
I am sitting at work. I am not actually doing my work, but I am sitting here just the same. I will do my work in a minute I suppose, but right now I really don't care. If Andrew downloads any more porn onto my laptop he is going to find a foot shoved up his meaty ass. For cripes sake, I know she just died and everything, but I really don't want to see Anna Nicole's naked ass all over my computer. I didn't care for her in life, and now it's just creepy in death.
Of course I yelled at him. For fuck's sake, could he be any more of a fucking moron?? Not only did he not think about the possibility of me getting a virus on my still fairly new lappy, but HELLO!!! I am pregnant, and already feeling very insecure over my rounding shape over here! And that's not helping things when I know he's whacking off to Anna Nicole's dead and decaying ass!
You know what? Just fuck it. I don't even care. Whatever. He can do whatever the fuck he wants. I feel like I am alone in my pregnancy anyways. Whenever he's out in public or someone brings it up, he acts like a proud dad, but in private he pretty much acts like me and the baby are a nuisance. If I am upset, I am being a bitch. If I am tired all the time, I am being a lump. If I ask for something, I am being needy.
I feel like crying right now, but I am at work, and somebody might see. Then I'll just be the pregnant woman who get's emotional over stupid stuff! Dammit, I can't keep my eyes from tearing up anyways. Hold on, lemme get a tissue.
I just don't know what to do. I always thought this would be a happy time for me. I never imagined getting pregnant again after what happened last time, and I feel like I am all alone. I know I am no longer attractive. I am getting fatter and fatter, and things are swelling, and hurty. Yet still, I am trying to think about my baby, and talk to him or her (I have a strong suspicion it's a girl, but don't know yet), and focus my time and attention on making sure he or she is healthy and getting the best there is in care for proper development.
It's not the baby's fault, and I don't regret my pregnancy, but I wish . . . . . . . .
hell I don't even wish anymore. It's pointless. I am just going to have to deal with the fact that I have nothing to offer anyone anymore. I can't even keep Andrew attracted to me. God I feel so alone!
Of course I yelled at him. For fuck's sake, could he be any more of a fucking moron?? Not only did he not think about the possibility of me getting a virus on my still fairly new lappy, but HELLO!!! I am pregnant, and already feeling very insecure over my rounding shape over here! And that's not helping things when I know he's whacking off to Anna Nicole's dead and decaying ass!
You know what? Just fuck it. I don't even care. Whatever. He can do whatever the fuck he wants. I feel like I am alone in my pregnancy anyways. Whenever he's out in public or someone brings it up, he acts like a proud dad, but in private he pretty much acts like me and the baby are a nuisance. If I am upset, I am being a bitch. If I am tired all the time, I am being a lump. If I ask for something, I am being needy.
I feel like crying right now, but I am at work, and somebody might see. Then I'll just be the pregnant woman who get's emotional over stupid stuff! Dammit, I can't keep my eyes from tearing up anyways. Hold on, lemme get a tissue.
I just don't know what to do. I always thought this would be a happy time for me. I never imagined getting pregnant again after what happened last time, and I feel like I am all alone. I know I am no longer attractive. I am getting fatter and fatter, and things are swelling, and hurty. Yet still, I am trying to think about my baby, and talk to him or her (I have a strong suspicion it's a girl, but don't know yet), and focus my time and attention on making sure he or she is healthy and getting the best there is in care for proper development.
It's not the baby's fault, and I don't regret my pregnancy, but I wish . . . . . . . .
hell I don't even wish anymore. It's pointless. I am just going to have to deal with the fact that I have nothing to offer anyone anymore. I can't even keep Andrew attracted to me. God I feel so alone!