Bad news.
You know, I was finally starting to feel like my life was getting back on track.
I haven't cut in almost a year, I stopped using drugs, and until recently, I stopped binge drinking.
Well folks, I'm once again on the downward spiral.
Not only did I drink an insane amount of tequila last night, but today I managed to down an entire bottle of hypnotique in about fifteen minutes. The sad thing is that I fucking hate vodka.
Oh, but it doesn't stop there. I just got back from the store with a pack of razor blades, and I've already done a number on myself. How fucking pathetic am I?
The drinking and cutting is a concern, yes. But what concerns me more is the fact that I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. I mean, I know I'm sad, and I know these days I've been really lonely and had a general feeling of emptiness, but jesus, I sure would like to pinpoint the problem.
I feel like I let Amber down today. She called me, crying, and in need of support. Unfortunately, I was drunk. Really drunk. After I told her I was, there was a definite change in the flow of our conversation.
Man, do I feel like a piece of shit. I want to call her right now. I want to call and apologize. But I won't. You know why? Because if I apologize, chances are I'll start to feel even worse. Hell, I might even cry. And it will all be downhill from there.
She told me we're not going to be friends if I go back to being a full blown alcoholic. That actually made me feel good. I mean, she must care enough to not want to sit idly by as I totally ruin myself.
Jesus, what am I going to do?
I haven't cut in almost a year, I stopped using drugs, and until recently, I stopped binge drinking.
Well folks, I'm once again on the downward spiral.
Not only did I drink an insane amount of tequila last night, but today I managed to down an entire bottle of hypnotique in about fifteen minutes. The sad thing is that I fucking hate vodka.
Oh, but it doesn't stop there. I just got back from the store with a pack of razor blades, and I've already done a number on myself. How fucking pathetic am I?
The drinking and cutting is a concern, yes. But what concerns me more is the fact that I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. I mean, I know I'm sad, and I know these days I've been really lonely and had a general feeling of emptiness, but jesus, I sure would like to pinpoint the problem.
I feel like I let Amber down today. She called me, crying, and in need of support. Unfortunately, I was drunk. Really drunk. After I told her I was, there was a definite change in the flow of our conversation.
Man, do I feel like a piece of shit. I want to call her right now. I want to call and apologize. But I won't. You know why? Because if I apologize, chances are I'll start to feel even worse. Hell, I might even cry. And it will all be downhill from there.
She told me we're not going to be friends if I go back to being a full blown alcoholic. That actually made me feel good. I mean, she must care enough to not want to sit idly by as I totally ruin myself.
Jesus, what am I going to do?