Annual Yom Kippur entry
Every year on Yom Kippur, I like to update on my life-- reflect on the past year, and look to what's coming next. I think this year, that's especially important. Usually, every year I write a letter to myself to be answered by Future Brianna. But last year, I didn't do that. All I wrote to myself was: "I just want to know three things: where are you, what are you doing, and who are you with? I find that's the most appropriate way to deal with the nebulous future that lies ahead of me after graduation."
Well, there is a lot to those questions. Let me see if I can answer them.
1. Where are you?
Right now, I'm at home in Dresher. This is the first Yom Kippur I've spent at home in four years, and I am missing my school friends with whom I used to break the fast, but I'll talk more about that a little later. I'm in Dresher still because I have not yet started my job. The Brianna who wrote last year's entry had not yet begun the ridiculous process of putting together a portfolio and subsequently putting that portfolio to the test in the sucky job market, so she couldn't know-- could only hope, rather-- what the answer to that question might be. If Yom Kippur was happening in a few weeks, I could be updating from Maryland, where my new job is. Specifically my sister's house, which is where I will be living until I find a place of my own. In fact, yesterday afternoon I drove home from a pre-start-of-work retreat with my coworkers and boss to be home in time for Kol Nidre. So physically, I am in my house, but mentally, I'm a few weeks ahead of myself, waiting for my job to start.
2. What are you doing?
This is another interesting one. Currently, I'm sitting here fighting the urge to gnaw my own fingers off. But in the grander scheme of things, I'm getting used to the idea of a full-time job, and feeling utterly grateful for the opportunity to a) have been offered a job in the first place given the economic situation and b) work in an office where my boss really cares about her clients and her designers, and where everyone else shares that sense of loyalty. I think Last Year's Brianna would have expected Present Brianna to be writing about having a sweet job in, say, New York City. But after having spent the past three days, I know that the place where I'm working is the place where I'm supposed to be working. (A full update on the retreat will come soon, but not today.) And for the next couple of weeks, I'll be continuing to mentally and physically ready myself for the big move, with a trip up to Syracuse to see Chris and some other buddies included.
3. Who are you with?
This is perhaps the hardest of all three to answer, and to reconcile. After graduation, every friend I made scattered-- all across the East Coast, to the Midwest, and to the West Coast as well. Some even overseas. That has been the toughest part about graduating: working to keep connections with people when they've always been so effortless because they've always been contained to the radius of a campus. With some people, I do well. I talk with Kate, who is home on Long Island, almost every week. Allie, who is home in Ohio, and I talk a little less frequently than that, but we are still caught up on each other's lives. Meg moved out to Los Angeles with her boyfriend and a couple other friends, and got a job out there. I miss her every day. We text, Skype, and email, but nothing is the same as having her right next door. A couple other friends and I keep in touch through LJ, through Facebook, and the occasional phone call. Emotionally, I am still very attached, but physically, I have been lonely since the minute I came back to Dresher.
To further answer the question, this will be changing soon. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful sister (who has a wonderful fiance) who does not mind-- in fact, is excited about-- me moving in with her in Maryland. So I will be with her, which will definitely help with the adjustment to the new place. And I am also lucky to be coming into a very welcoming office environment once I start my job. So that, on top of something to do every day, will also help with the loneliness. Though I know it won't be totally the same, I will have the chance to make new friends and forge new connections.
And of course, because I am me, I know what else Past Brianna was referencing with this: "Who are you with?" also means "are you in a relationship, and if so, with whom?" Past Brianna will be happy to know that Present Brianna is still with Chris. Though of course, with the distance, that will be harder to maintain. But I hope Next Year's Brianna will tell me that we've made it through all of these changes okay.
Well that concludes the answers to last year's questions. As for posing questions for next year, I think instead of asking specifics I will just ask the same things: where are you, what are you doing, and who are you with? Because, even with some things settling, I don't know what to expect entirely out of the coming year. But I have been so blessed so far-- I only hope that will continue into this new year.
Well, there is a lot to those questions. Let me see if I can answer them.
1. Where are you?
Right now, I'm at home in Dresher. This is the first Yom Kippur I've spent at home in four years, and I am missing my school friends with whom I used to break the fast, but I'll talk more about that a little later. I'm in Dresher still because I have not yet started my job. The Brianna who wrote last year's entry had not yet begun the ridiculous process of putting together a portfolio and subsequently putting that portfolio to the test in the sucky job market, so she couldn't know-- could only hope, rather-- what the answer to that question might be. If Yom Kippur was happening in a few weeks, I could be updating from Maryland, where my new job is. Specifically my sister's house, which is where I will be living until I find a place of my own. In fact, yesterday afternoon I drove home from a pre-start-of-work retreat with my coworkers and boss to be home in time for Kol Nidre. So physically, I am in my house, but mentally, I'm a few weeks ahead of myself, waiting for my job to start.
2. What are you doing?
This is another interesting one. Currently, I'm sitting here fighting the urge to gnaw my own fingers off. But in the grander scheme of things, I'm getting used to the idea of a full-time job, and feeling utterly grateful for the opportunity to a) have been offered a job in the first place given the economic situation and b) work in an office where my boss really cares about her clients and her designers, and where everyone else shares that sense of loyalty. I think Last Year's Brianna would have expected Present Brianna to be writing about having a sweet job in, say, New York City. But after having spent the past three days, I know that the place where I'm working is the place where I'm supposed to be working. (A full update on the retreat will come soon, but not today.) And for the next couple of weeks, I'll be continuing to mentally and physically ready myself for the big move, with a trip up to Syracuse to see Chris and some other buddies included.
3. Who are you with?
This is perhaps the hardest of all three to answer, and to reconcile. After graduation, every friend I made scattered-- all across the East Coast, to the Midwest, and to the West Coast as well. Some even overseas. That has been the toughest part about graduating: working to keep connections with people when they've always been so effortless because they've always been contained to the radius of a campus. With some people, I do well. I talk with Kate, who is home on Long Island, almost every week. Allie, who is home in Ohio, and I talk a little less frequently than that, but we are still caught up on each other's lives. Meg moved out to Los Angeles with her boyfriend and a couple other friends, and got a job out there. I miss her every day. We text, Skype, and email, but nothing is the same as having her right next door. A couple other friends and I keep in touch through LJ, through Facebook, and the occasional phone call. Emotionally, I am still very attached, but physically, I have been lonely since the minute I came back to Dresher.
To further answer the question, this will be changing soon. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful sister (who has a wonderful fiance) who does not mind-- in fact, is excited about-- me moving in with her in Maryland. So I will be with her, which will definitely help with the adjustment to the new place. And I am also lucky to be coming into a very welcoming office environment once I start my job. So that, on top of something to do every day, will also help with the loneliness. Though I know it won't be totally the same, I will have the chance to make new friends and forge new connections.
And of course, because I am me, I know what else Past Brianna was referencing with this: "Who are you with?" also means "are you in a relationship, and if so, with whom?" Past Brianna will be happy to know that Present Brianna is still with Chris. Though of course, with the distance, that will be harder to maintain. But I hope Next Year's Brianna will tell me that we've made it through all of these changes okay.
Well that concludes the answers to last year's questions. As for posing questions for next year, I think instead of asking specifics I will just ask the same things: where are you, what are you doing, and who are you with? Because, even with some things settling, I don't know what to expect entirely out of the coming year. But I have been so blessed so far-- I only hope that will continue into this new year.