(no subject)
There's been quite a bit of problems these days. More conflict with jermaine. fustrating to know that she's having fun outside while i'm stuck in army. life gives you shit and you just have to eat it up. she tells me stuff and thats good. Just feel stranger, like our bodies/speech/way of life doesn't connect. Felt very familiar when we finally laughed together at ming hong's face. had a small party at brian's house, it was bloody awesome. chicken wings were awesome! Jermaine's dad found out she smokes. Everything is scary. Future is scary. I dont want to lose her. I'm quite prepared though, if she does tell me she doesn't want me anymore. I feel replaceable, like I'm just another guy who made your day good at times. I'm scared, but i'm sick of feeling scared. now i just want to let everything flow and follow my heart. Live fast, die young. I just don't want to look back in anger. Wasted youth, decadence. Let it roll, let me feel whatever there is to feel. Everything will be okay in the end.