(no subject)
Guess what. I'm doing ok.
My gut is constantly battling the front of my pants, but that's ok. That can be worked with.
Living with my parents can sometimes be unbearable, but they're there for me. I can drive away. I can remember I'll make it on my own one day.
Romantically speaking I'm in somewhat of a drought, but I could honestly give a shit. Sure, love brings wonderful things to a person's life. But it isn't meant to be for a while. And I say, "Fine, God. Or whatever you are. Fine."
I'm down to go to Coachella with Kathy this year. I'm down to listen to Sheryl Crow and dance by myself in my bedroom. I'm down to play guitar poorly until my fingers start to blister. I'm down to get a drafting table upstairs and draw into the wee hours of the morning.
School's going to start soon and I'm going to attempt to do something I've never done before and throw myself into it, completely.
Socially speaking, I haven't been the brightest of the witty, fluttery, giggly butterflies. Instead I choose to use my fingers to pick parmesan cheese up off my plate, onto my fork, and then have my voice wildly crack when the waiter at corner bakery unexpectedly decides to approach me and ask me something other than how my sandwich tastes. Uh...yeah.
So I do think about who I'll meet next, guy-wise, often. Most of my friends have come to the conclusion that they don't know what I'm looking for. And I'd have to agree with them, and say, "I don't really know what I'm looking for, either. Hopefully somebody's got it, though."
How about I make a little list of things that aren't completely idealistic, just something I can check back on in the future and either agree or disagree with, depending on how things turn out.
1. I've decided that guys who are completely unobtainable are a waste of precious time and create an increase of unnecessary stress. Sure, the next guy I find has got to have a spine of his own and make things interesting, but he's also got to have a heart, and want me just as much as I secretly want him. Games are fun. But I'm done with the preschool, Maury shit.
2. New dude should be kind. Someone that my friend's approve of. Someone that won't send my heart on a terrifying trapeze act. Of course I love those swings of emotion, they bring a spice to life, and I'm sure true love couldn't exist without them. But my heart has experienced the immature, indecisive, and incredulous swings brought about by a number of idiots. I am, how you say? "Over it."
3. I should be completely and totally comfortable talking with him. He should be a true friend, if anything else; someone that honestly listens and is fascinated by me. Someone that discovers things about my own personality that even I haven't been consciously aware of. And he will love these things. He will be supportive and will question me if i should ever question myself. A true test to see if I am comfortable with him and can trust him, is if I can take a nap with him. I'll feel safe sleeping by him.
4. This dude should have a collection of flannel that I can borrow.
5. Although my parents drive me crazy, they're the only family I have, and I love them completely. I'm also protective of them, and if some socially inept asshole wants to walk in and be a completely rude moron in front of them, all I have to say is "later." I'm not expecting a knight to come and sweep my parents of their feet, along with me. But would a simple hello, a confident handshake, and some polite conversation kill you?
6. I want to learn things from him. I want him to have a curiosity about the world, and an intelligence to understand more than what is just black and white. He should push me to do things that are outside of my comfort zone with the intent of helping me; of giving me a broader perspective and an excitement for life again.
7. I want to make him laugh. I want him to make me laugh.
8. I want my skin to electrify when he touches me.
9. And, finally, I want him to take care of himself. I don't expect him to be some straight edge priest with morals through the ceiling. But being drunk or high every night just isn't attractive to me. Once in a while I'd like to stumble around with him, and be happy knowing he only has eyes for me. But come on. Have a little more respect for your liver, your lungs, and yourself. There's more to life than getting shitfaced.
Of course this guy probably doesn't exist. But I think these are healthy, reasonable things to expect from someone. Who knows, maybe this list will change in a couple months.
I want him to have his flaws. Perfect people bore me, and are intimidating. Oh yeah, and they don't exist.
Maybe I won't find this dude until it's time to settle down. Until then, I guess I'll just be running into more assholes.
Oh well. I can wait.
My gut is constantly battling the front of my pants, but that's ok. That can be worked with.
Living with my parents can sometimes be unbearable, but they're there for me. I can drive away. I can remember I'll make it on my own one day.
Romantically speaking I'm in somewhat of a drought, but I could honestly give a shit. Sure, love brings wonderful things to a person's life. But it isn't meant to be for a while. And I say, "Fine, God. Or whatever you are. Fine."
I'm down to go to Coachella with Kathy this year. I'm down to listen to Sheryl Crow and dance by myself in my bedroom. I'm down to play guitar poorly until my fingers start to blister. I'm down to get a drafting table upstairs and draw into the wee hours of the morning.
School's going to start soon and I'm going to attempt to do something I've never done before and throw myself into it, completely.
Socially speaking, I haven't been the brightest of the witty, fluttery, giggly butterflies. Instead I choose to use my fingers to pick parmesan cheese up off my plate, onto my fork, and then have my voice wildly crack when the waiter at corner bakery unexpectedly decides to approach me and ask me something other than how my sandwich tastes. Uh...yeah.
So I do think about who I'll meet next, guy-wise, often. Most of my friends have come to the conclusion that they don't know what I'm looking for. And I'd have to agree with them, and say, "I don't really know what I'm looking for, either. Hopefully somebody's got it, though."
How about I make a little list of things that aren't completely idealistic, just something I can check back on in the future and either agree or disagree with, depending on how things turn out.
1. I've decided that guys who are completely unobtainable are a waste of precious time and create an increase of unnecessary stress. Sure, the next guy I find has got to have a spine of his own and make things interesting, but he's also got to have a heart, and want me just as much as I secretly want him. Games are fun. But I'm done with the preschool, Maury shit.
2. New dude should be kind. Someone that my friend's approve of. Someone that won't send my heart on a terrifying trapeze act. Of course I love those swings of emotion, they bring a spice to life, and I'm sure true love couldn't exist without them. But my heart has experienced the immature, indecisive, and incredulous swings brought about by a number of idiots. I am, how you say? "Over it."
3. I should be completely and totally comfortable talking with him. He should be a true friend, if anything else; someone that honestly listens and is fascinated by me. Someone that discovers things about my own personality that even I haven't been consciously aware of. And he will love these things. He will be supportive and will question me if i should ever question myself. A true test to see if I am comfortable with him and can trust him, is if I can take a nap with him. I'll feel safe sleeping by him.
4. This dude should have a collection of flannel that I can borrow.
5. Although my parents drive me crazy, they're the only family I have, and I love them completely. I'm also protective of them, and if some socially inept asshole wants to walk in and be a completely rude moron in front of them, all I have to say is "later." I'm not expecting a knight to come and sweep my parents of their feet, along with me. But would a simple hello, a confident handshake, and some polite conversation kill you?
6. I want to learn things from him. I want him to have a curiosity about the world, and an intelligence to understand more than what is just black and white. He should push me to do things that are outside of my comfort zone with the intent of helping me; of giving me a broader perspective and an excitement for life again.
7. I want to make him laugh. I want him to make me laugh.
8. I want my skin to electrify when he touches me.
9. And, finally, I want him to take care of himself. I don't expect him to be some straight edge priest with morals through the ceiling. But being drunk or high every night just isn't attractive to me. Once in a while I'd like to stumble around with him, and be happy knowing he only has eyes for me. But come on. Have a little more respect for your liver, your lungs, and yourself. There's more to life than getting shitfaced.
Of course this guy probably doesn't exist. But I think these are healthy, reasonable things to expect from someone. Who knows, maybe this list will change in a couple months.
I want him to have his flaws. Perfect people bore me, and are intimidating. Oh yeah, and they don't exist.
Maybe I won't find this dude until it's time to settle down. Until then, I guess I'll just be running into more assholes.
Oh well. I can wait.