Endearments standardly express not just momentary enthusiasm but affection; the contact of eyes, lips, skin conveys some openness, acceptance, and trust (often enough much more); embrace conveys a commitment which goes beyond a momentary clinging. These are potent gestures of human emotional life. If insufficient trust and commitment are present to warrant such expression, then those who use these endearments and gestures risk giving false messages about feelings, desires, and even commitments. But perhaps, we may think, at least in sexual relationships which are... very casual or largely formal, it is well understood by all concerned that these expressions have been decontextualized and no longer express the underlying intentions or attitudes or principles that they might express in a more wholehearted relationship. But if such expressions are fully decontextualized, what part are they playing in an entirely casual or commercial or formalized encounter? If the expressions are taken at face value, yet what they would standardly express is lacking, each is likely to deceive the other.... [R]elationships and encounters which standardly combine superficial expression of commitment with its underlying absence are particularly vulnerable to deception. Where too much is unexpressed, or misleadingly expressed, each risks duping the other and using him or her as a means. ("
Between Consenting Adults," by
Onora O'Neill, p.
269)