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Waaa, I still cant sleep. Even after over writing a response post in one of Han Hans Entries, Again. "Yo Face is so Ugly you could make Onions Cry!" Hey you! Yah you, reading this junk. I'll bet your sitting down aren't you. Who stands at a computer? Dont tell me, you got one of those Cell phones that connects to anything and everything
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I wouldn't worry about everyone else's view about you. That shouldn't be what you base your person on anyway.
But in any case, everyone loves you.
You should be more worried about trying to make yourself happy then trying to please everyon else.
I'm not saying you should be totally selfish. I just know that sometimes we choose to only live to please others. That's just how some people are. And after awhile, you forget to take care of you. You need to remember to keep yourself a priority.
Sometimes what you do will bother others, and you need to see if what you're doing is truly making you happy, or if it's just something those people will have to deal with.
Maybe you just need to find that balance where you are doing what you want to be happy, and people affected by it are happy as well.
If you can't find that balance, then maybe all you need is live in a way that pleases you, and find somebody to share that with.
That's what I'm doing right now, and a lot of people critisize me for it, I'm sure. I'm not going to waste any energy on worrying though. I'm too busy living my life. I'm happy with it. I like where I'm going with my life, even though there are people displeased with what I'm doing.
And about fear. I can attest to fear being a bad thing. It's what had held me back for so long. I was afraid of failing all the time. So sometimes, I wouldn't step up to the plate, you know? I wouldn't even try to accomplish some things. I don't think I'm explaining it too well, but fear impedes progress. We need to eliminate it if we want to move on in the right direction. I've been slowly getting rid of fear. Not just fear in certain aspects, but fear in general. If I stop fearing that maybe I will fail at something, then I will no longer be afraid to attempt to accomplish whatever task it at hand.
I've been trying to change a lot in my life. And it started with that haircut. Then I got a new car. Then I got a new job. Now I have a new place to live.
I'm turning everything around that needs to be changed in order to find happiness.
I'm not afraid to be myself, and you shouldn't be either. Live. . .
So, yeah....what a rant.
I think what I'm really trying to get at here is, find your happiness and let it grow. I think maybe that's what you're doing with Amy....I'm pretty sure that's your honey's name. I think that's beautiful though. Let it grow Brad. If it makes you happy, then that's terrific. I hope to hear more about what's going on there.
Take care home skillet.
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I cant make myself happy Brian, neither can I make anyone else happy. And the concpet of selfishness is inascapable! How does one live with out being selfish. Impossible, IMPOSSIBLE I SAY! I could never take care of myself either, thats why I have God in my life as well as Amy. Dont forget Amy! On my prioity list id say Im rock bottom. Though dont see this as a bad thing. If I was above the prioritys above them I would be ashamed for loving myself more then them. Shame=Bad. What makes you happys? Dont you think thats a bit dagnerous. Do what will make you happy. Dont happy pills make you happy? I dont think I'd want to try any of those..though I have always wanted to try Riddilin! You have any idea how crazy that sounds. You know what would make me happy. Taking Amy to vegas and getting married right then and there. Thats crazy! BUt what a Wild ride that would be eh? Also, I dont want to be happy all the time. How can a constant happy person have a broken heart for others? That would make me happy, to dig a hole and bury myself in it when broken hearts are crying out. Id rather not do that either though.
Yah I dont doubt there are people displeased with what your doing. Please dont crash again when the happiness dries up. Your aren't always going to be happy all the time. Stop falling so hard when it dries up. Stop impaling yoru self with guilt when you do something wrong.
I think your wrong, you could have been happy at any time. Espeically with that awsome haircut, WHY DID YOU DONE CUT YOUR HAIR BOB! WHYYY! Its not that hard to be happy is it? Do you really think a change of setting and materials will make you happy. Maybe they are all just a disguse for the change in your heart that you've made. After all, True to your heart. You gotta be True to your heart..cuz if your not ture to your heart..Then eh..your being a liar to your heart! "EH Heh Heh Heh Heh GONNA EAT YOU ALL UP!"
Not afraid to be yourself huh, who are you then. Tell me this. Can you? Can anybody tell anyone who they are HA! CAN YOU! AH HA! Whats this Live business you speak of also hmm. Every Man dies not every man lives and all that Jazz?
Yes quite a rant. Biggest response ever I've gotten I think..well maybe Han Han has responded largely befor. Id have to check. Either way you get the biggest response award SHA NA NA! Yes Amy makes me happy, shes great. Shes not hear though, this burden of distance is a giant weight on my heart. My broken heart, and to think that Id be over and happier if I had ended it all months ago. Though would I still be madly in love if I had. I dont think so. Happiness isn't always the best way to go about things, I dont think. I know in the years to come I'll look back at this broken heart and rejoice that I had the help to be carried through it all. I couldn't ever get through the horrors and sadness of this world with out. With out God by my side especially when things are bad. I guess im just afraid that when things aren't happy for you or times when things are hectic and bad you'll fall so low and despair again. You dont have to you know. Anyways, my rant is getting very long to so. I love you my firend, and take good care of yourself and MICHA! And im sorry for all the ill feelings I've felt towards you, HA with out even telling you until now.
"I was sure by now That you would have reached down And wiped our tears away Stepped in and saved the day But once again, I say 'Amen' and its's still raining. As the Thunder rolls I barely hear you whipser through the rain "im with you" and as your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives..and takes away. I'll praise you in this storm and I will life my hands For you are who you are No Matter where I Am Every tear I've cried you hold in your hand you never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise you in this storm"
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