SPN 10.05: don't you cry no more.
After rewatching 10.05: Fan Fiction, I’ve drawn the following inference-
What Supernatural is about:
Two brothers, on an open road, fighting evil;
What Supernatural isn’t about:
Two brothers, on an open road, fighting evil.
(SPOILERS ahead)
1. I wondered for some time what this episode must be like for a casual viewer, or someone just tuning in to see what the fuss was about; SPN’s come a long, long way from the days when it was promoted as a monster show. It’s self-referential to the point where entire episodes are inside jokes; its quiet, stuttering drama where men stifle tragedy with long silences and rock music has taken precedence over its fantastic antagonists; its heroes are so incredibly larger than life that not only does the universe mirror their dynamic repeatedly, but has no qualms about being open about it. It started off with shadowed shots and endless rain and gloom to add ugliness to a crisp new world with two boys; now it’s bright and colourful to hide the ugliness of a world moulded by these two weary men.
Through it all, I think, it’s been one long demonstration of how holding onto images, talismans-not ideals or principles, mind-and striving to go back to this distorted, too-perfect version of what you believed things were, what you think they should be… is a corrupting, self-destructive journey. There are so many images that the girls cherish in this episode-SamnDean, driving down a long road in a shiny black car, chasing the sunrise, rock music thundering in the background. Sam, handing over the amulet to Dean as a symbol of trust and Dean saying I love it. You and me against the world, Sammy, Dean says in the play, and the words hang in the air, a strong closing line to a wonderful story. There is no talk about the apocalypse, the fighting, the claustrophobia, the blood, cycling through life and death and back again-Supernatural the Musical is SPN shorn of the shadows and horror that shaped the beautiful images that it worships. Which is fine-it’s a musical, after all. But then-when SamnDean actually come up and introduce themselves as the characters, the girls can’t believe them. They are unrecognisable. They are too old, too grumpy, too weary. Which is funny, because SamnDean-Dean in particular-have spent the better part of the last ten years chasing the very images that these girls so prominently featured. They have given up their lives, their sanity, their principles, their humanity in their quest. I felt gobsmacked when Marie called Dean’s description of s6+ as the “worst fanfiction ever”. YES. Here’s Show saying, this is the line between canon and fanon. It was GLORIOUS.
2. This isn’t to say that those images weren’t powerful. I was numb and emotional through most of the episode, and I unabashedly cried during two scenes: the one where Marie talks about “sweet, brave, selfless Sam” and the final cover of Carry On Wayward Son. As a tribute, this episode was absolutely wonderful. Marie was brilliant. The songs were awesome. It was funny yet respectful. I was so so scared of this episode but given the premise, it was handled really, really well.
3. Dean was predictably awful, and I’m not sure watching the musical (or listening to fake!Sam singing about how much he thought his brother was flawless “under the manly sheen” lol) did him much good. When Dean narrates the events of s6+ to Marie, he skips over all the terrible things he was responsible for and takes a bit of a pride in his special snowflake position as a knight of hell. Which-is understandable; one tends to make oneself look good while talking to strangers. That he knows he was wrong to do the stuff he did is old news; he knew exactly what he’d done the moment he did them. It was wonderful that Marie made him take a replica of the Samulet-it was a nice way to go about the Samulet fixit, well done, Show!-but then again, it’s just reinforcing what Dean wants to establish anyway: I hang this symbol in the car, and we move past everything that’s happened. No. It comes nowhere close to repairing the deliberate hurt Dean inflicted on his brother by throwing away the amulet in front of him and in a hundred other ways. It’s a step, though. … Somewhere.
4. SAAAAAAM. Of course he was a theatre kid and of course he worked as a stage manager. He was so sweet and so enthusiastic and after the initial shock, took everything in his stride and managed Dean’s churlishness like the magnificent man that he is. He was spirited and polite and god he was trying out ship names, he was shipping himself with Castiel and no I will never get over that. While Dean got tossed around on stage (hilariously), Sam was working behind the scenes to kill the monster. He wanted to sit and down reminisce about his theatre days but Dean kept telling him to shut up (yeah, fuck off, sir) and the stage manager (understandably) brushed him off. Sam was so utterly beautiful in this ep, inside and out, and so it broke my heart that the message that was once again drilled into him was to continue living this fruitless life.
Sam is a highly intelligent man; he has learnt a lot over the last couple of years that he knows that there are deep festering problems that they can’t paper over. But even a man like him, or perhaps, especially a man like him, needs belief. And that moment he saw the Samulet swinging from the rearview mirror-there’s still something to aspire to, a reason to wake up and pile into this cramped little metal box with his potentially-fratricidal brother one more morning. Just-one more morning.
5. The MotW was super-weak. Not the point of the episode, I understand, but just noting it anyway.
6. Holy shit. Eight fucking years I’ve been watching this goddamned show and it’s such a part of my life that I keep wondering why it never fucking ends, and then, in the next moment, quail at the thought of how bereft I would feel if it did. Stupid show. I love you, too.