It's Been Awhile .. Start of 2007
It's been almost 6 months since I've wrote in here. I saw that Dina updated hers so I figured I should do the same. My family especially my Grandmom is doing a lot better now dealing with the death of my Uncle Mikey. Things are slowly starting to get back to normal. They never will be normal again, but hopefully it will get close to it.
New years Eve was fun.. I celebrated this year at Hannah's with some friends. And a few days before that Dina had some parties like back to back which were pretty awesome because I don't always get to see her. Winter Break all together was a lot of fun, there wasen't a lot of drama, all my friends basically hung out by going out to eat or watching movies - it was nice. I really enjoyed just being in everyone's company and having a decent time. Shannon also had a "girl party" lol, they had some crazy stuff there haha but it was a lot of fun, it allowed us girls to have our bonding time, which I always miss. I can't believe it's already 2007. I turn 20 in less than a month. I remember when I was little I had like 9 years til I would be in the last grade of highschool and now I have only a few days and I'm going to be 20.. where is the time going?
I'm nervous about this upcoming semester, not because of the classes, I can handle them. I just don't know where I want to go for college. I want the best of both worlds, religious and not to strick of rules and I'm not going to find that. You cant have the best of both worlds. Jersey has a sucky selection of schools to choose from, especially if you want to go to a Catholic school. Everything is in Phila which is considered PA, which means more money. I don't want to go too far because I want to be able to see my Mother and Grandmom. I am a big family person. And I also want to maintain the friendships I already have because they are all I've got. But at the same time, I want to meet more friends, but the fact that I don't know if I'll make decent friends, scares me. The "unknown" is what frightens me or the "what ifs" Also, I don't know what the future holds for Eddie and I. No young couple does, you can say you love each other and you can say that you want to get married which is awesome, but you never know what tomorrow holds. I don't want to go to far away from him and us not work out and then never find someone like him again in my life. But at the same time I know I have to learn how to live on my own and I want him to learn to trust me by me being away. I duno, everything is just really stressful. I wish I didn't have to decide right now.
It's funny because at the beginning of Eddie/my relationship I wasen't the jealous one. I could care less about that stuff. But now that stuff gets to me and it bothers me that it does because jealousy is a bad thing to have. And sometimes I get scared because without trust, a relationship will fail. I think sometimes I get worried because I like him more than I did in the beginning and I just don't want to see nobody else with him... Or maybe it's because I don't trust girls because they can easily flirt and he is someone that enjoys attention.. I don't know. Like when I go away I know I'll be fine, I just don't trust girls. They can be very shady and fake. And I know he would never cheat on me, but it's the subtle cheating that makes me wonder like talking to a girl and then it leads to flirting and him not stopping the conversation. Or just someone running up to give him a hug but they are doing it not out of friendship but to be flirty. I guess it's just hard for him to trust people as it is me since we've both been fed bs in the past by people. I can't worry though, I just have to give it to God. What's meant to happen with us, will happen. I just hope God listens and helps !
New years Eve was fun.. I celebrated this year at Hannah's with some friends. And a few days before that Dina had some parties like back to back which were pretty awesome because I don't always get to see her. Winter Break all together was a lot of fun, there wasen't a lot of drama, all my friends basically hung out by going out to eat or watching movies - it was nice. I really enjoyed just being in everyone's company and having a decent time. Shannon also had a "girl party" lol, they had some crazy stuff there haha but it was a lot of fun, it allowed us girls to have our bonding time, which I always miss. I can't believe it's already 2007. I turn 20 in less than a month. I remember when I was little I had like 9 years til I would be in the last grade of highschool and now I have only a few days and I'm going to be 20.. where is the time going?
I'm nervous about this upcoming semester, not because of the classes, I can handle them. I just don't know where I want to go for college. I want the best of both worlds, religious and not to strick of rules and I'm not going to find that. You cant have the best of both worlds. Jersey has a sucky selection of schools to choose from, especially if you want to go to a Catholic school. Everything is in Phila which is considered PA, which means more money. I don't want to go too far because I want to be able to see my Mother and Grandmom. I am a big family person. And I also want to maintain the friendships I already have because they are all I've got. But at the same time, I want to meet more friends, but the fact that I don't know if I'll make decent friends, scares me. The "unknown" is what frightens me or the "what ifs" Also, I don't know what the future holds for Eddie and I. No young couple does, you can say you love each other and you can say that you want to get married which is awesome, but you never know what tomorrow holds. I don't want to go to far away from him and us not work out and then never find someone like him again in my life. But at the same time I know I have to learn how to live on my own and I want him to learn to trust me by me being away. I duno, everything is just really stressful. I wish I didn't have to decide right now.
It's funny because at the beginning of Eddie/my relationship I wasen't the jealous one. I could care less about that stuff. But now that stuff gets to me and it bothers me that it does because jealousy is a bad thing to have. And sometimes I get scared because without trust, a relationship will fail. I think sometimes I get worried because I like him more than I did in the beginning and I just don't want to see nobody else with him... Or maybe it's because I don't trust girls because they can easily flirt and he is someone that enjoys attention.. I don't know. Like when I go away I know I'll be fine, I just don't trust girls. They can be very shady and fake. And I know he would never cheat on me, but it's the subtle cheating that makes me wonder like talking to a girl and then it leads to flirting and him not stopping the conversation. Or just someone running up to give him a hug but they are doing it not out of friendship but to be flirty. I guess it's just hard for him to trust people as it is me since we've both been fed bs in the past by people. I can't worry though, I just have to give it to God. What's meant to happen with us, will happen. I just hope God listens and helps !