Starts with a "D"
Life truly is cyclical. And as I pass this fork in the road (for the umpteenth time), I am tempted to take the same turn (for the umpteenth time). If I haven't learned my lesson yet, making the same mistake again (even though this time i clearly know its a mistake) won't teach me anything. Despite the fact that I know what I want to do is a mistake, it seems to be the only available decision that allows my life to go somewhere, ANYWHERE. I can't help but think that the conditions may have changed, time has changed me- I'm jaded, closed off, I would say I'm overly cautious, others would say i'm rightfully so.
Maybe, somehow a wormhole has opened into this spot from THAT one. In some ways it has- this rude confrontation with the past could be what I need to become me again. The next twenty minutes will force me to settle a large part of my life once and for all- but how? Should I face my past and try to reconcile the person I was: a girl in love, a hopeless romantic who believed anything and everything was possible, anticipating the first of many things, looking forward to a promising and fulfilling future; or should I face that I cannot undo what I have become: a skeptic who yearns for love but no longer believes it exists for her, a person running from time itself with no place to hide- well there is always Canada, but that's beside the point. I know who I would like to be...but perhaps such resurrections are not meant to take place.
I've been so disappointed, time after time- i don't know if i could take that again; yet how will i feel if i don't give it one more try, when there's actually a valid shot.
This post is melodramatic shit- I apologize- i'm gonna go actively decide how to turn my life now.
Maybe, somehow a wormhole has opened into this spot from THAT one. In some ways it has- this rude confrontation with the past could be what I need to become me again. The next twenty minutes will force me to settle a large part of my life once and for all- but how? Should I face my past and try to reconcile the person I was: a girl in love, a hopeless romantic who believed anything and everything was possible, anticipating the first of many things, looking forward to a promising and fulfilling future; or should I face that I cannot undo what I have become: a skeptic who yearns for love but no longer believes it exists for her, a person running from time itself with no place to hide- well there is always Canada, but that's beside the point. I know who I would like to be...but perhaps such resurrections are not meant to take place.
I've been so disappointed, time after time- i don't know if i could take that again; yet how will i feel if i don't give it one more try, when there's actually a valid shot.
This post is melodramatic shit- I apologize- i'm gonna go actively decide how to turn my life now.