The Reaper (and other updates)
With the exception of talking a bit about the new girl, I haven't written with any substance all year. It would seem I've been saving it up. In the order it comes out...
I'm shit out of shape. But this must be fixed. I'm supposed to run the NYC Marathon this year. I'm automatically eligible to run in 2009 and I have a score to settle with that marathon. There might be a small hitch in the plan (more on that later), but I'm back on the training wagon. I've started back on long runs and I have firm goals. I have a ways to go, but the point is I'm doing it. For me, running is mostly about the battle against inertia. Once I'm in motion I tend to stay in motion. Remind me not to let silly reasons squash my momentum. It's so easy to let myself get derailed.
One of my computers caught its first virus in, like, ever. Follow some simple rules and there's really no need for AV software, right? Well, I broke one of those rules. And paid for it by catching Virtumonde, Smitfraud, and a super nasty unidentified virus that was great at hiding itself. Sweet jesus I had a bitch of a time getting rid of those. Virii are getting pretty wily (I was simultaneously pissed off and impressed). I got rid of 90% of the components manually, when I got lazy and took a shortcut that bricked my laptop. That happened while I was on the road. I just flew back home as of a couple of hours ago. Time to fix it. I just got a big crash course in all the crap that has changed in Windows over the past decade. And why I hate it. And why I'm so much more comfortable in Unix. BTW: Best. Tool. EVER!
At the same time, I'm aiming to drop some extra pounds. I got sloppy, lazy, and fat. I saw it all starting to happen too and did nothing (for silly reasons). But I'm back in the gym pretty regularly now. And the results have been startling. I started a HST cycle of weight-training. The only thing I regret is not taking a full set of measurements for a baseline when I started because I can see the difference and would like hard numbers to prove it. But I bulked up for a bit, so now it's time to cut the fat. I'm feeling pretty determined. I kinda got my head out of my arse about a few things. I'm constantly amazed at how a small shift in perspective can revamp an entire mindset.
The final steps have started at work. One by one, my remaining responsibilities are being nixed. By month's end I should have only one responsibility left. I'm starting to think that they might actually be able to pull of April. I think it might be in part due to the company feeling some squeeze and there's yet another round of layoffs coming (to which I am now, ironically, immune). Then again, I've been wrong before. My inbox is ridiculously quiet. So it begins. Or is that ends? This was all fun and games before the economy went down in flames. My poking at the market has been a bit... unsettling. But that may be a bit of a moot point. There's change in my future (shocking!).
Things with the new girl have taken center stage a bit. Summing up the girl in 10 words or less: Jackpot! Wow. Seriously? But wait, there's more! Wow? Seriously. Okay! It's weird. But good. Beyond good. I no longer have any frame of reference to compare it to type good. It's jolted my reality in a startling way. I don't entirely know what we have or for how long we have it (does anyone ever, really?), but whatever we have I can tell you this: it will be a defining chunk of my life and what's to come. Scary. But not.
Which leads me to: a whole lot of death. Maybe I'm just looking more for it now, but it seems to be happening in my immediate circles as well. Phil passed in December. Right before I took off to Austin, both Stillwind and Lou passed away as well. Three shining stars extinguished before we were ready to stop receiving their light. Lou hit me especially hard. Maybe that's because I knew that was coming and didn't want to believe it. But their absence serves to remind me that life is too short. Don't wait. For anything you might want to do, want to have, or want to be. We don't know how long we will be here. If something is important, do it. Have it. Be it. Now. Move on. Let things go. Forgive.
I read a beautiful idea tonight while flying somewhere over New Mexico. It said that in order for atonement to occur, we need to preserve the past in purified form only. Remember only the good things. Learn what you must then selectively remember only that which is worth holding on to. This was part of a much larger idea; dying before you die. In other words, shedding the superfluous so that the spirit may continue unburdened. Doing that for yourself, before the physical does it for you, to enable one's spirit. Live. Now. For the things that matter.
I know that time to reflect like this is a luxury. I've been afforded quite a bit. And I thank my lucky stars for that. But I also thank shedding fear and not letting that stop me from making bold decisions. Do yourself a favor if you haven't in a while: make some time to stop and listen to your soul. It's probably trying to tell you something. And the longer it's been since you listened, the more it's trying to tell you.
Live today.
Free yourself.
Start now.
I'm shit out of shape. But this must be fixed. I'm supposed to run the NYC Marathon this year. I'm automatically eligible to run in 2009 and I have a score to settle with that marathon. There might be a small hitch in the plan (more on that later), but I'm back on the training wagon. I've started back on long runs and I have firm goals. I have a ways to go, but the point is I'm doing it. For me, running is mostly about the battle against inertia. Once I'm in motion I tend to stay in motion. Remind me not to let silly reasons squash my momentum. It's so easy to let myself get derailed.
One of my computers caught its first virus in, like, ever. Follow some simple rules and there's really no need for AV software, right? Well, I broke one of those rules. And paid for it by catching Virtumonde, Smitfraud, and a super nasty unidentified virus that was great at hiding itself. Sweet jesus I had a bitch of a time getting rid of those. Virii are getting pretty wily (I was simultaneously pissed off and impressed). I got rid of 90% of the components manually, when I got lazy and took a shortcut that bricked my laptop. That happened while I was on the road. I just flew back home as of a couple of hours ago. Time to fix it. I just got a big crash course in all the crap that has changed in Windows over the past decade. And why I hate it. And why I'm so much more comfortable in Unix. BTW: Best. Tool. EVER!
At the same time, I'm aiming to drop some extra pounds. I got sloppy, lazy, and fat. I saw it all starting to happen too and did nothing (for silly reasons). But I'm back in the gym pretty regularly now. And the results have been startling. I started a HST cycle of weight-training. The only thing I regret is not taking a full set of measurements for a baseline when I started because I can see the difference and would like hard numbers to prove it. But I bulked up for a bit, so now it's time to cut the fat. I'm feeling pretty determined. I kinda got my head out of my arse about a few things. I'm constantly amazed at how a small shift in perspective can revamp an entire mindset.
The final steps have started at work. One by one, my remaining responsibilities are being nixed. By month's end I should have only one responsibility left. I'm starting to think that they might actually be able to pull of April. I think it might be in part due to the company feeling some squeeze and there's yet another round of layoffs coming (to which I am now, ironically, immune). Then again, I've been wrong before. My inbox is ridiculously quiet. So it begins. Or is that ends? This was all fun and games before the economy went down in flames. My poking at the market has been a bit... unsettling. But that may be a bit of a moot point. There's change in my future (shocking!).
Things with the new girl have taken center stage a bit. Summing up the girl in 10 words or less: Jackpot! Wow. Seriously? But wait, there's more! Wow? Seriously. Okay! It's weird. But good. Beyond good. I no longer have any frame of reference to compare it to type good. It's jolted my reality in a startling way. I don't entirely know what we have or for how long we have it (does anyone ever, really?), but whatever we have I can tell you this: it will be a defining chunk of my life and what's to come. Scary. But not.
Which leads me to: a whole lot of death. Maybe I'm just looking more for it now, but it seems to be happening in my immediate circles as well. Phil passed in December. Right before I took off to Austin, both Stillwind and Lou passed away as well. Three shining stars extinguished before we were ready to stop receiving their light. Lou hit me especially hard. Maybe that's because I knew that was coming and didn't want to believe it. But their absence serves to remind me that life is too short. Don't wait. For anything you might want to do, want to have, or want to be. We don't know how long we will be here. If something is important, do it. Have it. Be it. Now. Move on. Let things go. Forgive.
I read a beautiful idea tonight while flying somewhere over New Mexico. It said that in order for atonement to occur, we need to preserve the past in purified form only. Remember only the good things. Learn what you must then selectively remember only that which is worth holding on to. This was part of a much larger idea; dying before you die. In other words, shedding the superfluous so that the spirit may continue unburdened. Doing that for yourself, before the physical does it for you, to enable one's spirit. Live. Now. For the things that matter.
I know that time to reflect like this is a luxury. I've been afforded quite a bit. And I thank my lucky stars for that. But I also thank shedding fear and not letting that stop me from making bold decisions. Do yourself a favor if you haven't in a while: make some time to stop and listen to your soul. It's probably trying to tell you something. And the longer it's been since you listened, the more it's trying to tell you.
Live today.
Free yourself.
Start now.