Caged Animals
Title: Caged Animals
Author: dubukisses
Genre: Humor
Pairing: ot5, some ontae and a wee bit of jongkey
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Locking 5 wild and anxious boys in a van together is a good idea, right?
“Just wait here. I’ll only take one minute.”
Famous Last Words.
The manager had gone saying that parting sentence 15 minutes ago to a van full of rambunctious and hyper young adults whom were too excited to sit still for one second.
By the time 16 minutes had passed, the youngest was sprawled out in the backseat across 3 different laps, kicking his feet while waving his hands around and simultaneously jabbering away at how the color blue was a lot better than the color red and other such nonsense while the oldest tried to pretend he cared, Jonghyun not caring at all and was not afraid to show it, and Minho who sat stoically but inside desperately wanted to strangle the maknae. It was only Taemin’s self-proclaimed umma sitting in the front that chided him for being obnoxious.
“Can’t you just sit still? You’re acting like a wild animal stuck in a cage.”
Taemin stilled for a second before sticking out his tongue and resuming to wiggle. “I AM in a cage. Manager-shii locked us in here”
“It’s so the rabid fans don’t try to come in!” Key reasoned.
“Neh. Neh.” Taemin waved him off dismissively. “It’s so WE don’t leave. If our fans really wanted to get in here they would break a window or something.”
Key glared at the teenager. “Well maybe we wouldn’t have to be locked in here if someone hadn’t have run out and almost gotten themselves killed!”
“Oh please,” Taemin waved his hands dramatically, accidentally hitting Jonghyun in the face and promptly getting a smack on the head. He continued, “That was hardly dangerous Key-hyung.”
“…You walked into oncoming traffic.”
“ONLY TO PROVE A POINT!”
“And what point was that?”
“That crazy drivers won’t stop for pedestrians, even the idol kind.”
Key’s eye started to twitch. “They DID stop. Just barely, thank God.”
Taemin wriggled his finger in front of his hyung’s face. “Nuh uh. They stopped because I was a kid, not because I was a celebrity.”
“Then it didn’t prove your point!”
“It did too! Crazy drivers won’t stop for celebrities!”
“Honestly…sometimes you just-“
“OKAY!” Onew, who had finally decided he’d had enough of this fight, interrupted waving his arms about in wild abandon (managing to smack both Minho who was sitting right next to him and himself). “Enough. Can’t you two just be quiet? Jonghyun is sleeping!”
Jonghyun’s head shot up, looking at the leader confused. “No…I’m…not?”
Onew cocked his head to the side, examine him. “My mistake. I can never tell since you always have your eyes wide open.”
“You little--!” Jonghyun tried reaching over the middle body to strangle the elder but Taemin’s head was settled like cement on his lap and he couldn’t move much. All he accomplished was hitting Minho in the face with his elbow.
“WHAT THE HELL, JONGHYUN?!” Minho threw his hand over his face, crying out with pain and anger.
“Sowry.” Two big chocolate puppy eyes tried to win over the tall boy but to no avail.
“Screw you. I might actually have to get plastic surgery on my nose since you broke it!” Minho’s eyes were alit were tiny flames, burning holes into his hyung’s skin hoping to Shisus that he would suffer a painful tragedy.
Jonghyun looked nonplussed. “Seems like I did you a favor then. You have a chance to get rid of that honker you call a nose.”
“AT LEAST MY NOSTRILS ARE NORMAL SIZE!”
“OH! LOW BLOW HO! LOW BLOW!” Jonghyun’s mouth went into a pout, crossing his arms across his chest while trying to look enraged but inside he wanted to cry.
Taemin, who currently had front row tickets to the Jjong Nostril Show agreed with Minho but curiosity struck him, “Why is one bigger than the other?”
The entire van went still, the only sound coming deep within Jonghyun’s throat.
Alarmed, Taemin sat up, seating himself fully on Minho’s lap and looked around at the other members. Onew reminded him of a deer in headlights, Minho seemed to be slowly moving away from Jonghyun, while Key kept shaking his head at the young one as if trying to send a message. Trying to lighten the mood, Taemin made a comical frowny face and said, “Why so serious?” That face quickly turned into pure horror as one hyung, whom had murder written all over his face, seemed to be getting closer and closer.
Taemin gulped loudly, wriggling himself off of Minho’s lap and over Onew’s until his back hit the van frame. “Don’t come near me!” he warned. “I have a sword!” He pointed at Onew’s crotch.
Jonghyun’s eyes kept piercing daggers into the youngest’s skin as he stealthily crawled over Minho’s lap and stared into two huge innocent eyes crazily. “If you ever mention my nostrils ever, EVER again this dinosaur will tear you to shreds.”
With that, Jonghyun sat back in his seat and hummed to himself. “ALRIGHTY. How about we play a game or something?” He smiled brightly as if he had not been ready to murder two seconds ago.
From the seat in front of him, Key snorted. “You cheat.”
“I do not!” Jonghyun countered. “Minho’s the one to watch since he’s so competitive.”
Minho’s lips formed a scowl. “I may be competitive but I always am honest…unlike you.”
“YOU DID NOT JUST CALL ME A CHEATER!” Jonghyun looked ready to kill once more.
“Key did it first.”
Jonghyun continued to stare at Minho. “Yeah. But… He can get away with it… because he’s…special… AND YOUR NOT SO I’LL JUST-“
The person who remained the quietest, but honestly should have been the one to step up long before, still remained silent, absorbing the scene enfolding like a tennis match. It wasn’t until the two started slapping each other when Onew figured he should do something.
“Uh…Minho…Jonghyun…please stop.” Onew’s voice was so soft it could not be heard over the ruckus that was being made. Key rolled his eyes in indignation.
“Honestly, how can you be a leader if you can’t even break up this bitch fight?” Key reached back and smacked his hyung upside the head. “You do it like this…”
Key turned on his Imma-slap-a-bitch-if-you-don’t-listen-to-me and added his I-always-get-what-i-want-so-don’t-even-try-to-argue face and threw it in the direction of the two fighting boys. Very loudly, he yelled, “You two bitches better knock it the fuck off before I come back there and show you how a real diva fights!”
Jonghyun’s fingers that had weaved itself into Minho’s hair slowly loosened and dropped back into his lap. The arm around Jonghyun’s neck also relaxed and settling on the back of the seat.
Key smiled brightly. “That’s better.” He glared at Onew, “That’s how you do it!” His smile was back on his face before anyone saw that it had gone (except Onew whom was slack-jawed at the immense power Key exhumed).
Out of nowhere, Taemin started giggling hysterically, trying to hide them in Onew’s neck but to no avail. The four others resigned themselves to the fact that Taemin was going to be in another one of his fits and there was nothing they could do but take it.
Still smiling, Taemin crawled out of Onew’s lap, making his way to the front seats and sat himself on the empty one next to Key. The others watched as he fidgeted and giggled, knowing whatever was about to happen next they would not like.
Wanting to get this ‘Tae-fit’ over, Jonghyun let out a loud sigh and said, “OKAY. What the hell is so funny Taemin?”
Taemin kept giggling and shook his head. “Uh uh.”
Jonghyun rolled his eyes and played along. “Come on…you can tell hyung.”
Taemin twisted around so he faced the others. His eyes were wide and his body was shaking excitedly. “I can’t!” he giggled out.
Calming himself, Jonghyun tried once more. “Please, Taeminnie? You’ll tell your hyungs won’t you?”
The young one started bouncing in his seat. “I can’t~~”
“THAT’S IT!” Jonghyun lurched forward grasping at the maknae’s shirt before shaking him uncontrollably. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR SHIT! EITHER TELL US OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL BREAK THAT NECK OF YOURS!”
Taemin quit laughing and glared at Jonghyun, his ‘innocence’ disappearing. “Get the fuck back before I break your hand, Nostril-Boy.”
Hurt and slightly shocked, Jonghyun pulled away as if burned and curled himself back into his seat, deciding trying to sleep through this was better than the alternative.
Onew had already prepared himself for the maknae’s outburst by burrowing his head inside his shirt as if that would shield him from the devil child. Taemin smirked as he pulled down his hyung’s shirt, smiling somewhat evilly as his head popped out from the hole. “Hello, Leadah.” Onew looked around nervously.
“H..H..Hey Taemin. What’s up?” He smiled one of 1000 watt smiles hoping Taemin would stop looking at him like he looks at a piece of chicken.
Instead of letting up like the elder wanted, Taemin literally crawled over the top of his seat landed gracefully onto Onew’s lap. His hyung turned red and started stuttering nonsense as Taemin licked from the tip of his chin to the crevice between his ear and face leaving a hot trail of saliva behind. Onew felt soft and plump lips curl into a smirk before they began attacking his neck. Conflicted, Onew grasped at the thin arms not sure if he should push or pull.
“What a whore.” Key made a disgusted face and turned away from the public display of affection…or molestation.
“Uh…Uh…. Someone help…?” Onew squirmed around as deft hands tried to undo his belt. “Minho?” The boy called sat calmly, staring straight ahead. Dejected, Onew turned back to Key, hoping the umma instincts would kick in. “Key ah? You’re just going to let this happen?” Key stared out the window. “Jjong-ah?” No response either.
Onew shot up off his seat as a hand grazed across the bulge in his pants. “OH! OH NO.” He desperately tried to pry off those skinny fingers working their way into his pants. “SOMEONE PLEASE?!”
As if answering his prayers, the driver’s side door opened up and their manager slid into the van. “SO SORRY it took so long!” He didn’t even bother looking at the boys as he turned the key and began to drive off swearing at the traffic.
If it were possible, Taemin’s grin got even bigger. Onew was doomed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Personally, I think Onew is one lucky guy ;)
Author: dubukisses
Genre: Humor
Pairing: ot5, some ontae and a wee bit of jongkey
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Locking 5 wild and anxious boys in a van together is a good idea, right?
“Just wait here. I’ll only take one minute.”
Famous Last Words.
The manager had gone saying that parting sentence 15 minutes ago to a van full of rambunctious and hyper young adults whom were too excited to sit still for one second.
By the time 16 minutes had passed, the youngest was sprawled out in the backseat across 3 different laps, kicking his feet while waving his hands around and simultaneously jabbering away at how the color blue was a lot better than the color red and other such nonsense while the oldest tried to pretend he cared, Jonghyun not caring at all and was not afraid to show it, and Minho who sat stoically but inside desperately wanted to strangle the maknae. It was only Taemin’s self-proclaimed umma sitting in the front that chided him for being obnoxious.
“Can’t you just sit still? You’re acting like a wild animal stuck in a cage.”
Taemin stilled for a second before sticking out his tongue and resuming to wiggle. “I AM in a cage. Manager-shii locked us in here”
“It’s so the rabid fans don’t try to come in!” Key reasoned.
“Neh. Neh.” Taemin waved him off dismissively. “It’s so WE don’t leave. If our fans really wanted to get in here they would break a window or something.”
Key glared at the teenager. “Well maybe we wouldn’t have to be locked in here if someone hadn’t have run out and almost gotten themselves killed!”
“Oh please,” Taemin waved his hands dramatically, accidentally hitting Jonghyun in the face and promptly getting a smack on the head. He continued, “That was hardly dangerous Key-hyung.”
“…You walked into oncoming traffic.”
“ONLY TO PROVE A POINT!”
“And what point was that?”
“That crazy drivers won’t stop for pedestrians, even the idol kind.”
Key’s eye started to twitch. “They DID stop. Just barely, thank God.”
Taemin wriggled his finger in front of his hyung’s face. “Nuh uh. They stopped because I was a kid, not because I was a celebrity.”
“Then it didn’t prove your point!”
“It did too! Crazy drivers won’t stop for celebrities!”
“Honestly…sometimes you just-“
“OKAY!” Onew, who had finally decided he’d had enough of this fight, interrupted waving his arms about in wild abandon (managing to smack both Minho who was sitting right next to him and himself). “Enough. Can’t you two just be quiet? Jonghyun is sleeping!”
Jonghyun’s head shot up, looking at the leader confused. “No…I’m…not?”
Onew cocked his head to the side, examine him. “My mistake. I can never tell since you always have your eyes wide open.”
“You little--!” Jonghyun tried reaching over the middle body to strangle the elder but Taemin’s head was settled like cement on his lap and he couldn’t move much. All he accomplished was hitting Minho in the face with his elbow.
“WHAT THE HELL, JONGHYUN?!” Minho threw his hand over his face, crying out with pain and anger.
“Sowry.” Two big chocolate puppy eyes tried to win over the tall boy but to no avail.
“Screw you. I might actually have to get plastic surgery on my nose since you broke it!” Minho’s eyes were alit were tiny flames, burning holes into his hyung’s skin hoping to Shisus that he would suffer a painful tragedy.
Jonghyun looked nonplussed. “Seems like I did you a favor then. You have a chance to get rid of that honker you call a nose.”
“AT LEAST MY NOSTRILS ARE NORMAL SIZE!”
“OH! LOW BLOW HO! LOW BLOW!” Jonghyun’s mouth went into a pout, crossing his arms across his chest while trying to look enraged but inside he wanted to cry.
Taemin, who currently had front row tickets to the Jjong Nostril Show agreed with Minho but curiosity struck him, “Why is one bigger than the other?”
The entire van went still, the only sound coming deep within Jonghyun’s throat.
Alarmed, Taemin sat up, seating himself fully on Minho’s lap and looked around at the other members. Onew reminded him of a deer in headlights, Minho seemed to be slowly moving away from Jonghyun, while Key kept shaking his head at the young one as if trying to send a message. Trying to lighten the mood, Taemin made a comical frowny face and said, “Why so serious?” That face quickly turned into pure horror as one hyung, whom had murder written all over his face, seemed to be getting closer and closer.
Taemin gulped loudly, wriggling himself off of Minho’s lap and over Onew’s until his back hit the van frame. “Don’t come near me!” he warned. “I have a sword!” He pointed at Onew’s crotch.
Jonghyun’s eyes kept piercing daggers into the youngest’s skin as he stealthily crawled over Minho’s lap and stared into two huge innocent eyes crazily. “If you ever mention my nostrils ever, EVER again this dinosaur will tear you to shreds.”
With that, Jonghyun sat back in his seat and hummed to himself. “ALRIGHTY. How about we play a game or something?” He smiled brightly as if he had not been ready to murder two seconds ago.
From the seat in front of him, Key snorted. “You cheat.”
“I do not!” Jonghyun countered. “Minho’s the one to watch since he’s so competitive.”
Minho’s lips formed a scowl. “I may be competitive but I always am honest…unlike you.”
“YOU DID NOT JUST CALL ME A CHEATER!” Jonghyun looked ready to kill once more.
“Key did it first.”
Jonghyun continued to stare at Minho. “Yeah. But… He can get away with it… because he’s…special… AND YOUR NOT SO I’LL JUST-“
The person who remained the quietest, but honestly should have been the one to step up long before, still remained silent, absorbing the scene enfolding like a tennis match. It wasn’t until the two started slapping each other when Onew figured he should do something.
“Uh…Minho…Jonghyun…please stop.” Onew’s voice was so soft it could not be heard over the ruckus that was being made. Key rolled his eyes in indignation.
“Honestly, how can you be a leader if you can’t even break up this bitch fight?” Key reached back and smacked his hyung upside the head. “You do it like this…”
Key turned on his Imma-slap-a-bitch-if-you-don’t-listen-to-me and added his I-always-get-what-i-want-so-don’t-even-try-to-argue face and threw it in the direction of the two fighting boys. Very loudly, he yelled, “You two bitches better knock it the fuck off before I come back there and show you how a real diva fights!”
Jonghyun’s fingers that had weaved itself into Minho’s hair slowly loosened and dropped back into his lap. The arm around Jonghyun’s neck also relaxed and settling on the back of the seat.
Key smiled brightly. “That’s better.” He glared at Onew, “That’s how you do it!” His smile was back on his face before anyone saw that it had gone (except Onew whom was slack-jawed at the immense power Key exhumed).
Out of nowhere, Taemin started giggling hysterically, trying to hide them in Onew’s neck but to no avail. The four others resigned themselves to the fact that Taemin was going to be in another one of his fits and there was nothing they could do but take it.
Still smiling, Taemin crawled out of Onew’s lap, making his way to the front seats and sat himself on the empty one next to Key. The others watched as he fidgeted and giggled, knowing whatever was about to happen next they would not like.
Wanting to get this ‘Tae-fit’ over, Jonghyun let out a loud sigh and said, “OKAY. What the hell is so funny Taemin?”
Taemin kept giggling and shook his head. “Uh uh.”
Jonghyun rolled his eyes and played along. “Come on…you can tell hyung.”
Taemin twisted around so he faced the others. His eyes were wide and his body was shaking excitedly. “I can’t!” he giggled out.
Calming himself, Jonghyun tried once more. “Please, Taeminnie? You’ll tell your hyungs won’t you?”
The young one started bouncing in his seat. “I can’t~~”
“THAT’S IT!” Jonghyun lurched forward grasping at the maknae’s shirt before shaking him uncontrollably. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR SHIT! EITHER TELL US OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL BREAK THAT NECK OF YOURS!”
Taemin quit laughing and glared at Jonghyun, his ‘innocence’ disappearing. “Get the fuck back before I break your hand, Nostril-Boy.”
Hurt and slightly shocked, Jonghyun pulled away as if burned and curled himself back into his seat, deciding trying to sleep through this was better than the alternative.
Onew had already prepared himself for the maknae’s outburst by burrowing his head inside his shirt as if that would shield him from the devil child. Taemin smirked as he pulled down his hyung’s shirt, smiling somewhat evilly as his head popped out from the hole. “Hello, Leadah.” Onew looked around nervously.
“H..H..Hey Taemin. What’s up?” He smiled one of 1000 watt smiles hoping Taemin would stop looking at him like he looks at a piece of chicken.
Instead of letting up like the elder wanted, Taemin literally crawled over the top of his seat landed gracefully onto Onew’s lap. His hyung turned red and started stuttering nonsense as Taemin licked from the tip of his chin to the crevice between his ear and face leaving a hot trail of saliva behind. Onew felt soft and plump lips curl into a smirk before they began attacking his neck. Conflicted, Onew grasped at the thin arms not sure if he should push or pull.
“What a whore.” Key made a disgusted face and turned away from the public display of affection…or molestation.
“Uh…Uh…. Someone help…?” Onew squirmed around as deft hands tried to undo his belt. “Minho?” The boy called sat calmly, staring straight ahead. Dejected, Onew turned back to Key, hoping the umma instincts would kick in. “Key ah? You’re just going to let this happen?” Key stared out the window. “Jjong-ah?” No response either.
Onew shot up off his seat as a hand grazed across the bulge in his pants. “OH! OH NO.” He desperately tried to pry off those skinny fingers working their way into his pants. “SOMEONE PLEASE?!”
As if answering his prayers, the driver’s side door opened up and their manager slid into the van. “SO SORRY it took so long!” He didn’t even bother looking at the boys as he turned the key and began to drive off swearing at the traffic.
If it were possible, Taemin’s grin got even bigger. Onew was doomed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Personally, I think Onew is one lucky guy ;)