when your life is so so deary, dream

[dubiousecstasy]

ok, don't hate me
don't think i'm a psycho
don't lock me up

i have a fear of neglecting/killing my children
i'm no where near the age to be having kids but it is something that has bothered me ever since i can remember
since i was little

i ahve these nightmares that i will be at home looking after my babies, and i will jsut have a breakdow and neglect them
jsut leave them in thier crib crying
crawl into a corner and rock myself into oblivion
i have dreams that i get sod epressed i cut
and my babies end up taking care of the mommy not the mommy taking care of the babies
nad i have dreamss that i will just snap
go into some psychotic stage nad kill them
for no reason
no explanation nothing
i seriously think ia m capable of this
and i hate that
HATE it
i dont want these thoughts
its not so much the thouhts that frghten me
but the fear that i would actually follow through
the feelings that i coudl do it