Thank you
Am taking this moment to personally thank my ex-husband for all the shit that I am dealing with. If it weren't for him - our daughter would not be the hot angry mess that she is right now. So once more I would like to thank you.
Thank you for continuing to be an active alcoholic - rather than a recovering alcoholic.
Thank you for NOT getting some help and not realizing that it's not only not healthy but not the best thing to do in front of your child.
Thank you for drinking in front of her for years and completely terrifying her.
Thank you for NOT finally growing up after 45 years and realizing that you have a responsibility.
Thank you for being so self centered and selfish that you can't see beyond your own needs and wants.
Thank you for being in denial of your problems - it has taught her to deny things too.
Thank you for your lack of communication with her.
Thank you for failing to understand that in additional to her emotional upset, she is a teenager.
Thank you for flat out denying that she might have just a few issues of her own.
Thank you for not realizing that at your age there's really no fucking excuse anymore.
Thank you for irreparibly fucking with her life and then leaving me to pick up the pieces.
Not that I won't pick up the pieces - and not that you care because you really never have - but I'm exhausted and eventually I won't be able to. But then again maybe that's what your waiting for. It occurs to me that perhaps a lot of people are waiting for that.
An apology because I really was upset when I wrote this - however it is my daughter that he really needs to get his act together for. Not that he will, but the fact that he refuses makes it very difficult for her only other care-giver - me. And there is no amount of prayer or praising of God that is going to help me pay bills when he is almost 3 months in arrears on his child support. Last time I checked God doesn't have a bank, and while there are those who have always repeated to me that "god gave people free will" - my ex's free will to not do as ordered by the court with regards to his child support and the splitting of his 401K - the consequences of this - AND of his drinking "also free will from what I've been told" - have been thrust almost entirely on his young daughter. Not me. However, I am tired of having to pick up the pieces. She is unbelievably angry with him, and while I have told her - and even given her the same line that others gave me years ago - that people have free will to do as they choose - she simply does not understand why he would do what he continues to do to her. It has upset her, depressed her, made her angry with me because this is something that mom can't fix. She is a teenager and does not have the same capacity to understand that adults have. She is very intelligent however, she wants her dad to actually be a real dad - but because he won't or can't for whatever his reasons are - she can't fathom why, so she is angry. She had her grandfather to be a dad for a while - but he died in 2005 - so she lost yet another "dad". Eventuially she will see that there is nothing she can do to change him or the circumstance of her grandfather's death - but for now, she is simply an angry teenager. And I don't blame her in the least.
Thank you for continuing to be an active alcoholic - rather than a recovering alcoholic.
Thank you for NOT getting some help and not realizing that it's not only not healthy but not the best thing to do in front of your child.
Thank you for drinking in front of her for years and completely terrifying her.
Thank you for NOT finally growing up after 45 years and realizing that you have a responsibility.
Thank you for being so self centered and selfish that you can't see beyond your own needs and wants.
Thank you for being in denial of your problems - it has taught her to deny things too.
Thank you for your lack of communication with her.
Thank you for failing to understand that in additional to her emotional upset, she is a teenager.
Thank you for flat out denying that she might have just a few issues of her own.
Thank you for not realizing that at your age there's really no fucking excuse anymore.
Thank you for irreparibly fucking with her life and then leaving me to pick up the pieces.
Not that I won't pick up the pieces - and not that you care because you really never have - but I'm exhausted and eventually I won't be able to. But then again maybe that's what your waiting for. It occurs to me that perhaps a lot of people are waiting for that.
An apology because I really was upset when I wrote this - however it is my daughter that he really needs to get his act together for. Not that he will, but the fact that he refuses makes it very difficult for her only other care-giver - me. And there is no amount of prayer or praising of God that is going to help me pay bills when he is almost 3 months in arrears on his child support. Last time I checked God doesn't have a bank, and while there are those who have always repeated to me that "god gave people free will" - my ex's free will to not do as ordered by the court with regards to his child support and the splitting of his 401K - the consequences of this - AND of his drinking "also free will from what I've been told" - have been thrust almost entirely on his young daughter. Not me. However, I am tired of having to pick up the pieces. She is unbelievably angry with him, and while I have told her - and even given her the same line that others gave me years ago - that people have free will to do as they choose - she simply does not understand why he would do what he continues to do to her. It has upset her, depressed her, made her angry with me because this is something that mom can't fix. She is a teenager and does not have the same capacity to understand that adults have. She is very intelligent however, she wants her dad to actually be a real dad - but because he won't or can't for whatever his reasons are - she can't fathom why, so she is angry. She had her grandfather to be a dad for a while - but he died in 2005 - so she lost yet another "dad". Eventuially she will see that there is nothing she can do to change him or the circumstance of her grandfather's death - but for now, she is simply an angry teenager. And I don't blame her in the least.