Some Will, Some Won't, So What? NEXT!
My current relationship is not working. It hasn't been for some time. I've been chicken shit both because I don't want to be alone but more so because I'm worried that with the way our lives are so closely woven together that breaking up would be detrimental to any happiness achieved by breaking up.
I've explained to several people that I'm just not ready to let go yet. Partially, that is true. A part of me knows I will regret it somewhat in the short run. In the long run, though, it is absolutely the best decision. It's not like we haven't had the conversation... we have, he is just in denial. He asks me to explain why I feel the way I do - he proceeds to tell me (whatever I say) it doesn't make sense to him - I delve deeper and give him specific examples of what I have problems with - I'm told I can't let stuff go and I should - I explain to him why I can't - He says, "Why didn't you just say that in the first place? You used 1,000 words when you could've used 100." *sighs*
I have eyes for others. I know I'm ready to move on when a couple of things are true:
1) The thought of me with someone else makes me happy
2) The thought of seeing him at a social gathering is okay
3) The thought of him with another girl doesn't make me sick to my stomach
Quite truthfully, the first and second are pretty quick to be determined. I usually reach those first and it's very easy to get to those points. The third is a little more difficult and explains why my lack-luster relationship with Michael lasted 2 years - about 1 year longer than it should've.
I'm feeling good lately - got a lot to be thankful for and happy about. I'm taking some personal time off work - a "stay"cation, if you will. I've got the cruise coming up. I'm playing volleyball 2-3 times a week. I'm getting much better at it, people actually think I'm MVP material :) I need to continue on this path because these are the things that will attract another human being to me. When I was in middle/high school, it was my laissez faire attitude and upbeat disposition that made me attractive. Being around people who SUCK THE FUN OUT OF LIFE makes me a worse person. I'm highly influenceable, always have been so I might as well come to terms with it. *sighs*
My good friend from ECI told me that her brother has a motto he's passed through his family and she felt she needed to pass it to me... "Some will, some won't, So what? NEXT!" Meaning that all things, no matter what they are, are subject your decision of whether they work for you or not. If not, bring on the next. SOme things will work out in your favor ($5 lottery ticket winnings, finding a great bathing suit, having friends that are there when you're hurt or in trouble) and some things won't (cheating lovers, scratched DVDs, total wipeouts in front of very important people)... whether "things" are positive or negative, you have to look toward the next. If things don't work out with a lover, PERFECT, that means you know what doesn't work and the next relationship should be stronger because of that. LEARN SOMETHING!
At the Skyline Chili by my work the sign says, "Back to school time, LEARN SOMETHING PLEASE!" I love that. Please, children, learn some thing.
P.S. Personal Overshare of the Night: I love to sleep butt naked but am always terrified that there's going to be a fire and I'm going to have to run outside naked. Petrifying...seriously.
I've explained to several people that I'm just not ready to let go yet. Partially, that is true. A part of me knows I will regret it somewhat in the short run. In the long run, though, it is absolutely the best decision. It's not like we haven't had the conversation... we have, he is just in denial. He asks me to explain why I feel the way I do - he proceeds to tell me (whatever I say) it doesn't make sense to him - I delve deeper and give him specific examples of what I have problems with - I'm told I can't let stuff go and I should - I explain to him why I can't - He says, "Why didn't you just say that in the first place? You used 1,000 words when you could've used 100." *sighs*
I have eyes for others. I know I'm ready to move on when a couple of things are true:
1) The thought of me with someone else makes me happy
2) The thought of seeing him at a social gathering is okay
3) The thought of him with another girl doesn't make me sick to my stomach
Quite truthfully, the first and second are pretty quick to be determined. I usually reach those first and it's very easy to get to those points. The third is a little more difficult and explains why my lack-luster relationship with Michael lasted 2 years - about 1 year longer than it should've.
I'm feeling good lately - got a lot to be thankful for and happy about. I'm taking some personal time off work - a "stay"cation, if you will. I've got the cruise coming up. I'm playing volleyball 2-3 times a week. I'm getting much better at it, people actually think I'm MVP material :) I need to continue on this path because these are the things that will attract another human being to me. When I was in middle/high school, it was my laissez faire attitude and upbeat disposition that made me attractive. Being around people who SUCK THE FUN OUT OF LIFE makes me a worse person. I'm highly influenceable, always have been so I might as well come to terms with it. *sighs*
My good friend from ECI told me that her brother has a motto he's passed through his family and she felt she needed to pass it to me... "Some will, some won't, So what? NEXT!" Meaning that all things, no matter what they are, are subject your decision of whether they work for you or not. If not, bring on the next. SOme things will work out in your favor ($5 lottery ticket winnings, finding a great bathing suit, having friends that are there when you're hurt or in trouble) and some things won't (cheating lovers, scratched DVDs, total wipeouts in front of very important people)... whether "things" are positive or negative, you have to look toward the next. If things don't work out with a lover, PERFECT, that means you know what doesn't work and the next relationship should be stronger because of that. LEARN SOMETHING!
At the Skyline Chili by my work the sign says, "Back to school time, LEARN SOMETHING PLEASE!" I love that. Please, children, learn some thing.
P.S. Personal Overshare of the Night: I love to sleep butt naked but am always terrified that there's going to be a fire and I'm going to have to run outside naked. Petrifying...seriously.