Yes, I am alive. Oh my God, I feel so alive.
Let me reveal something to you all. The whole purpose behind this trip to the United States and Canada was not entirely so that I could meet my friends and see another country and absorb myself in its culture and spend nearly half a year with someone I love dearly. It was also meant to be a journey of self-discovery, to re-evaluate myself and to refocus on what actually means the most to me, and re-motivate myself into doing those things.
I have learnt many things on this trip, sometimes easily, sometimes hard. I have learnt that, despite not being able to get what I want necessarily, I have been able to enjoy what I have and what comes my way. I have learnt that there is more to life than worrying about what comes afterwards: I no longer fear death because of what will happen to me, but because it will stop me from living. I have learnt that whatever someone says about their self that it is not always the whole package, and some parts of that package have unsightly putty held in place by dirty sellotape - some people are made up entirely of that. I have learnt that just because I have a great idea and want to go ahead with it, it doesn't mean that someone else automatically will or should.
And now I have learnt that perhaps I have been too non-confrontational. It has been mentioned to me from time to time that I am a doormat. I have been trying to make friends with everybody. I have been sweeping all the shit under the carpet, including the elephants in the rooms. However, as anyone with half an imagination can see, if you sweep an elephant under the rug, you have a great big elephant-shaped lump. And one of the things that has allowed me to do this for so long is my patience.
I am a fount of patience. At least, I would like to consider myself one. The analogy I often use is that my patience is that of a sand dune. It moves very slowly, but eventually it gets to the other end of the desert. I've been taught all my life that patience is a virtue. And it is.
There is a limit to virtue, however, and now I realise that I set that limit too high for me to sustain. So, guess what? The sand dune has reached the other end of the desert. A gale of sorts came along and blew it there, reforming it into a different shape. That gale helped me realise that, and remoulded me. Chase, I love you for breaking down all of my barriers and for helping me to realise that I can be a better person.
I acknowledge that, due to my complex of avoiding conflict, I have lied through my teeth and pushed issues and people aside, allowing them to fester and seethe. I'm sure there's pots simmering in a number of kitchens right now, and I acknowledge that I am probably going to be scalded a few times. I'm fine with this. I accept that I have been infantile in my actions here.
But, you know what? I'm working on changing that, and this journal post is part of that process. I'm a man, unlike some people around my age. I'm a man, despite sharing Billy Connolly's philosophy of growing older without growing up - really, it means to keep in touch with the things that makes you young, and is not an excuse for infantilism. That's something else I've learnt.
Lich, the Yoshi, as many of you know me, exists only in my fiction. That persona doesn't really suit me anymore - Yoshies are squishable, passive creatures that serve means to ends. Whenever Yoshi stars in any sort of Nintendo game, it is always infantile: Yoshi's Story is a case in point, and the Yoshi's Island games involve carting babies around in worlds that looks reminiscent of a child's colouring book. Whenever a Yoshi is a secondary character, it's because he's under Mario's arse, or needs Mario to do something for him: he doesn't take control of the situation. The impression that the games give me, theorising and my cleverly crafted universe aside, is that Yoshi life basically consists of going around and guzzling down fruit and everything is Super Happy as a result of inaction. A Yoshi is merely there for the "Ohhhh, iddn't it kyew-woot" factor. That's not to say that I'm going to stop writing him and using him in roleplay, because it's still fun. But that's the extent of it.
I am Dyluck. You may continue to call me Lich, because it is a very suitable title as I wrote in the past: "Call me that, and you’re basically recognising the metaphor of my life - I ‘die’, and I come back even more powerful." I AM A DRAGON. See me there in my user icon? My mouth is open, my teeth are showing. I am far more powerful than a mere Yoshi. I am far more resilient. And I'm sure you can see the irony that I'm introducing myself by my "other name" when Lich the Yoshi did exactly the same thing the other way around. It's a justified irony. That's just the beginning.
The time for the passive, inactive Yoshi is over. This is the time for the forthright, active dragon. And for my first act, I am going to kick a few elephants' arses.
If you do something to unjustly hurt one of my friends or one of my loved ones, you also hurt me. And I'm sure that you know that you shouldn't meddle in dragon's affairs, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup; in some cases, it's the ketchup flowing through your veins. I am looking at a few persons right now, and as soon as I finish writing this journal entry, they're going to hear from me.
I also issue a warning out to everybody out there: before you all knew me on the internet, I was a little, seething ball of rage. It got me into a lot of trouble at school because I didn't know how to control it. And over the course of the years, it has seemed to gone away. That's a lie, because it's still down there, buried away. I've learnt to control it. It can still come out if you push all the right buttons.
I'm like Pandora's Box, and all of you have boltcutters. Don't be the one who snips the lock open. Remember that I am a dragon. I can be both your friend and your foe. Don't be a douche to me and my friends, and I won't bite your head off.
Oh, and one last thing. I don't make threats. I make promises.
I have learnt many things on this trip, sometimes easily, sometimes hard. I have learnt that, despite not being able to get what I want necessarily, I have been able to enjoy what I have and what comes my way. I have learnt that there is more to life than worrying about what comes afterwards: I no longer fear death because of what will happen to me, but because it will stop me from living. I have learnt that whatever someone says about their self that it is not always the whole package, and some parts of that package have unsightly putty held in place by dirty sellotape - some people are made up entirely of that. I have learnt that just because I have a great idea and want to go ahead with it, it doesn't mean that someone else automatically will or should.
And now I have learnt that perhaps I have been too non-confrontational. It has been mentioned to me from time to time that I am a doormat. I have been trying to make friends with everybody. I have been sweeping all the shit under the carpet, including the elephants in the rooms. However, as anyone with half an imagination can see, if you sweep an elephant under the rug, you have a great big elephant-shaped lump. And one of the things that has allowed me to do this for so long is my patience.
I am a fount of patience. At least, I would like to consider myself one. The analogy I often use is that my patience is that of a sand dune. It moves very slowly, but eventually it gets to the other end of the desert. I've been taught all my life that patience is a virtue. And it is.
There is a limit to virtue, however, and now I realise that I set that limit too high for me to sustain. So, guess what? The sand dune has reached the other end of the desert. A gale of sorts came along and blew it there, reforming it into a different shape. That gale helped me realise that, and remoulded me. Chase, I love you for breaking down all of my barriers and for helping me to realise that I can be a better person.
I acknowledge that, due to my complex of avoiding conflict, I have lied through my teeth and pushed issues and people aside, allowing them to fester and seethe. I'm sure there's pots simmering in a number of kitchens right now, and I acknowledge that I am probably going to be scalded a few times. I'm fine with this. I accept that I have been infantile in my actions here.
But, you know what? I'm working on changing that, and this journal post is part of that process. I'm a man, unlike some people around my age. I'm a man, despite sharing Billy Connolly's philosophy of growing older without growing up - really, it means to keep in touch with the things that makes you young, and is not an excuse for infantilism. That's something else I've learnt.
Lich, the Yoshi, as many of you know me, exists only in my fiction. That persona doesn't really suit me anymore - Yoshies are squishable, passive creatures that serve means to ends. Whenever Yoshi stars in any sort of Nintendo game, it is always infantile: Yoshi's Story is a case in point, and the Yoshi's Island games involve carting babies around in worlds that looks reminiscent of a child's colouring book. Whenever a Yoshi is a secondary character, it's because he's under Mario's arse, or needs Mario to do something for him: he doesn't take control of the situation. The impression that the games give me, theorising and my cleverly crafted universe aside, is that Yoshi life basically consists of going around and guzzling down fruit and everything is Super Happy as a result of inaction. A Yoshi is merely there for the "Ohhhh, iddn't it kyew-woot" factor. That's not to say that I'm going to stop writing him and using him in roleplay, because it's still fun. But that's the extent of it.
I am Dyluck. You may continue to call me Lich, because it is a very suitable title as I wrote in the past: "Call me that, and you’re basically recognising the metaphor of my life - I ‘die’, and I come back even more powerful." I AM A DRAGON. See me there in my user icon? My mouth is open, my teeth are showing. I am far more powerful than a mere Yoshi. I am far more resilient. And I'm sure you can see the irony that I'm introducing myself by my "other name" when Lich the Yoshi did exactly the same thing the other way around. It's a justified irony. That's just the beginning.
The time for the passive, inactive Yoshi is over. This is the time for the forthright, active dragon. And for my first act, I am going to kick a few elephants' arses.
If you do something to unjustly hurt one of my friends or one of my loved ones, you also hurt me. And I'm sure that you know that you shouldn't meddle in dragon's affairs, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup; in some cases, it's the ketchup flowing through your veins. I am looking at a few persons right now, and as soon as I finish writing this journal entry, they're going to hear from me.
I also issue a warning out to everybody out there: before you all knew me on the internet, I was a little, seething ball of rage. It got me into a lot of trouble at school because I didn't know how to control it. And over the course of the years, it has seemed to gone away. That's a lie, because it's still down there, buried away. I've learnt to control it. It can still come out if you push all the right buttons.
I'm like Pandora's Box, and all of you have boltcutters. Don't be the one who snips the lock open. Remember that I am a dragon. I can be both your friend and your foe. Don't be a douche to me and my friends, and I won't bite your head off.
Oh, and one last thing. I don't make threats. I make promises.