New Fic: A Time to Heal Part Thirteen
Title: A Time to Heal
Author: Twilight
Summary: What the hell just happened? One minute he was holding his gun on Davis and the next he was on the ground with Danny bleeding all over him.
Rated: Pg 13
Feedback: Always welcome
Part One
Part Thirteen
Danny knew he was dreaming…
And yet he could feel his physical body and he hurt, his joints were aching and his limbs were heavy and hot, his breathing was labored and he could feel tears burning behind his closed eyes.
When he had finally drifted into an uneasy sleep, he had had a fever, had had a fever for days and the strange landscapes of his mind must have been a product of his condition, because even though he knew he was dreaming, even though he had told himself over and over to just wake up, he couldn’t.
Hazy images and familiar voices, soft singing to strained shouting filled his wandering mind and he felt like he was bouncing from one memory to another…his mom holding him when he was very little, rubbing his back and whispering words of comfort in his ear…Rachel holding Grace on her lap as Danny drove like a mad man to the hospital, his baby’s broken arm tucked against her mom’s chest as she sobbed into Rachel’s shoulder…falling off his skateboard and breaking his own arm along with dislocating his shoulder and walking a couple of miles to his pop’s station, refusing to cry, because he didn’t want his pop to think he wasn’t the tough little bugger he claimed to be…Rachel hurling angry words at him, talking between her teeth because Gracie was only sleeping the next room over, yelling at him that she was done, that they were over…
His chest constricted and he felt his legs jerk, but the images rolled on.
He saw Gracie, lying next to him on the hospital bed, curled up to his side, her head resting on his shoulder and then he was tearing down packing boxes, tossing aside anything that separated him from his baby until he could see her, duck taped to a chair in a hot storage unit, her face streaked with dirt and tears…
And then he found himself standing on the wrong side of the fence, watching a fading image of his brother, Matt…walking away from him and out of his life, taking with him his friendship, just throwing away their brotherly bond and Danny was alone again…no matter what, he always ended up alone and lonely.
Fear surged through him, taking his breath and he shook his head.
Wake up…just wake up.
He was back in Steve’s garage, pointing his gun at the man…at Steve, who would go on to fill his life with frustration and friendship, who would make him crazy one second and surprised him with his kindness the next…
And then Danny was back in the shipping yard...
Steve stood several feet in front of him, gun pointed at Davis, a creepy smirk on the felon’s face.
He looked around, because he knew what was going to happen next, started to launch himself at Steve when a shot rang out, but Danny was not fast enough this time, was too late because Steve went down.
Danny ran forward, wildly looking around for help, for Chin or Kono or any other officer that he knew had been there that day, but they were gone, even Davis had disappeared …and they were all alone.
Steve was in a heap when Danny reached him, face down and blood pooling around his head and Danny knew this wasn’t right…this hadn’t happened, yet he was afraid to touch Steve, to turn his partner over because if he did, maybe this nightmare place would some how become reality and Steve would be dead…Danny could tell that Steve was dead, his body unmoving and pale, but he had to know for sure, so he reached tentatively forward, his hands trembling as he grasped Steve’s shoulder to turn him over and Steve was…
No! Nononono…Steve?
Hollowed blue eyes stared up at Danny.
A small hole on Steve’s forehead, right between his eyes oozed blood and Steve’s mouth drooped open, like he wanted to tell Danny one last thing.
It’s not real…it’s not. Steve’s not dead.
Danny’s breath caught and his chest clinched and his shoulders shook in a silent sob.
And when he opened his eyes for real, ran a shaking hand up to scrub at them, they were dry, but his body still shook and shuddered and heaved to the remembered hurts.
It took him a few minutes to realize he was really awake and for the strange dreams to start to fade, for the shaking of his body to settle and for his heart to calm to a more normal rhythm.
He carefully moved his head on the flat pillow, feeling his headache flare as he looked around the room.
He was still in the ICU…still in pain and sick…still bone tired.
He didn’t know what time it was, because his view never changed.
The lights were bright in the windowless room and the curtain by his bed was pulled, so he couldn’t see the sliding glass door or out to the hall and not being able to see started his heart to racing again.
He knew there were people out there, a nurse or doctor, other patients, but his mind gibbered that he was all alone...there was no one else out there beyond this room…
When he was younger, he was always anxious about being alone…left alone in his house or even left to wait by the shopping cart while his ma went to get the family car.
One time his pop was working nights and so he wouldn’t have come home until after the kids were all on the bus and his mom had gone into work. Danny had been sick, the last in his family to catch a bug that had made the rounds with the neighborhood kids and his class mates and his ma had let him skip school, had let him sleep in while she went on to work with a promise that his pop would be home soon.
Laying here now, Danny could still remember slipping from his bed and watching his ma back her station wagon out of the drive and pull away and down the street, turning the corner and out of his view.
The street was empty, not another car or kid waiting to go to school…
He had stayed by the front window, cold and miserable, feeling like he needed to puke, and waiting for his pop, watching the clock tick past the time his dad should be home. He split his time watching the street and watching the clock and with each passing minute it had become harder and harder to breathe.
He could remember his stomach twisting and sweat breaking out on his skin and the panic that pumped through his veins…he had felt a lot like he felt right now.
But he couldn’t push the irrational fear away, couldn’t reason with himself to think clearly, to assure himself that he was an adult now and that he didn’t need to be afraid of being alone, and all the while his heart rattled on in his chest and his breaths came in short, aborted pants.
His legs moved sluggishly against the sheets and he felt the leads and wires pull on his chest and back as he shifted, trying to get up, because he had to get up…he had to get out, he needed to find someone…find Steve or he was going to…
He had been afraid, so afraid...since he had heard the shot and had felt the bullet rip into him…since starting this…whatever it was with Steve…
What if it didn’t work out between them?
It never worked out…
Rachel, Matt, and Gabby…people always left him…
What if Steve gets tired of me…my attitude and my big mouth…my messiness…Steve is such a neat freak…
What about my complaining and and the food I like?
What if I don’t get better and never get the chance to find out?
What if…
What if…
Danny suddenly reached up and slapped at the machine by his bed, turning it off like he had seen the nurses do when they had gotten him up to walk. He yanked the wires from the machine, trying to get the safety rail out of the way, managing to swing his legs down so he could sit up, because he had to…go…the walls were closing in all around him and he needed to get out of this room…
He gripped the side of the bed and pulled upright, leaning forward over his achy belly, trying to hold onto his incision.
Spasms rippled through his pelvis and he really needed to pee, but that would have to wait until…until he found Steve.
He needed to find Steve...Steve said he had wanted Danny…anyway he could get him, so if that were true, than Danny wouldn’t be alone anymore and Steve would help him…Steve would take him away from here, away from the pain and sickness, away from the uncertainty.
Because Danny was tired of worrying, tired of being scared about…well, about everything.
He knew if he could just find Steve, he wouldn’t have to worry, because Steve would have his back, Steve would take care of Danny so that Danny wouldn’t have to worry anymore.
Danny tried to shake off the dizziness that swirled through his head, chasing his disjointed thoughts round and around.
He managed to reach for the IV pole and roll it toward him, because he was still connected, still had lines in his arm, fluids and antibiotics and who new what else and the catheter was still in his back, even though they had been weaning him from it’s use, offering him oral pain management and muscle relaxants.
He leaned heavily on the pole, sliding to his bare feet, huffing for breath and hung on, needing the support.
He took a tentative step toward the door, heard harried voices coming down the hall and the drawn curtain ripping back on squeaky gliders, but before he could bring his eyes up from his planted feet his knees unlocked and he was falling, pulling the IV pole over as he went.
Shouting echoed round the room, spun around his head and someone was leaning over him, whispering urgently into his ear, telling him to hold still, “Lie still, Danno…don’t try to move.”
Danny didn’t think he was trying to move.
“Slow you’re breathing, babe…slow down…”
He was still huffing, but he took in a deep breath and held it, trying to ease his racing heart, feeling a warm wetness seep into the front of his gown and realized he had pissed himself and then just who it was that was on the floor with him.
He pushed back, pushed at the hands that tried to sooth him. “No, Steve…no…”
Someone else was talking…someone was telling him he was having a panic attack and that they were going to give him something to help him calm down, but he didn’t want anything. His teeth were chattering, but he managed to squeak out. “No…I, umm, I, I…”
He felt the brush of something cool and damp near his shoulder and then a pinch as a needle pierced his skin.
A warm flush spread outward, consuming his body, relaxing his muscles and easing his breathing and Steve’s face finally swam into view, or maybe he had just finally opened his eyes. “That’s it, Danno…relax and let the medicine help you.”
“Umm,” he locked eyes with Steve and then gripped weakly at Steve’s polo. “I ah…I,” and he didn’t know what he was going to say, but Steve hushed him anyway.
“It’s okay, babe…you don’t need to worry…just relax. Did you hurt yourself?”
Danny didn’t think so, except for maybe his pride because he could feel the cooling pee he was sitting in and the material of the gown that lay sodden against his legs.
“I think you’re gonna have a shiner, Danno.”
And his face didn’t hurt until Steve had mentioned it. He uncurled his fingers from Steve’s shirt and lifted his hand toward his right eye, feeling a tenderness around his cheek bone before Steve’s hand joined his and twined their fingers together, moving Danny’s hand to rest against Steve’s chest again.
Amy knelt beside him, pulling the ties to his gown and Steve helped ease it from his shoulders, letting it pool in his lap and then she threaded his arm through a clean one, tucking it over the shoulder of the arm connected to the IV lines. “If you can get him into the bed, we’ll clean up and then you can help us get him settled. Doctor Hoy will be in soon and will look him over, but I think he’s fine, except for the eye.”
Danny heard them talking, talking about him, but he was too tired to care, feeling warm and comfortable…safe in the circle of Steve’s arms.
Steve shifted, getting an arm under Danny’s knees and scooped him up. Cool air caressed his flesh before Steve settled him onto the bed and covered him with the sheets and blanket, keeping a tight hold on Danny’s hand.
He could see both Tina and Amy working on a small puddle and a few smears of blood and he wondered where he was bleeding. The soiled gown got tossed into a clothes hamper and a pile of towels and fresh sheets were placed on the bed side table.
Amy came over while Tina finished with the clean up. “Do you hurt anywhere Danny?” she asked, moving the bedding to look at his healing incision and stoma, feeling around his belly, but he didn’t hurt there.
His voice still warbled, “my…my hips…little sore.” It had taken the brunt of his fall and somehow he had managed to smack his face on something too.
The IV pole had been righted and Amy looked over the bags and connections to be sure they were in working order before moving on to look at his reddening cheek bone. “I’ll get you an ice pack.”
She left them alone and Tina had stepped out too, pulling the curtain back to cover the sliding glass door and Danny tensed, an uneasy feeling niggled at the back of his brain, but he was able to push it down this time. “What time is it,” he asked, partly to distract himself from thinking about what had just happened and partly because he really wanted to know.
Steve glanced at his watch before answering, “It’s a little after six in the morning…did you get up to use the bathroom, Danno?”
He nodded, knowing by Steve’s raised brow that he wasn’t being totally truthful, but Danny wasn’t ready to tell Steve the real reason he had tried to flee the room, not yet at least.
And since he christened the floor, it was a plausible excuse.
He lifted his hips, feeling sticky and dirty and worried that he smelled. “What time is it,” he asked again and Steve frowned at him.
“It’s almost six fifteen, babe…”
“Oh…okay…in the morning?”
“Yes, Danno…its morning.”
“Oh…”
Tina slipped back into the room, wrapping a chemical ice pack into a wash cloth and holding it to his face, letting Danny press it over his cheek bone where he hurt the most. “How are you feeling, Danny? Still no unusual pains?”
He shook his head, feeling his eyes droop, but he didn’t want to go back to sleep…he might end up back in that place, so he fought to keep them open and slurred, “no…just sorta sore all over.”
“Okay…you need to tell me if anything doesn’t feel right, but I think you lucked out and didn’t seriously injure anything else.” She patted his arm and went on, “you need to get help though, if you want to get up and out of bed. Okay?”
“Kay,” he mumbled, still fighting to keep his eyes opened.
“Okay, I’m gonna get you cleaned up and then you can rest some before your breakfast gets here.”
Breakfast…
“What time is it?”
He saw the worried look Steve shot her, but he didn’t know why Steve would be worried.
“It’s early morning, Danny. It’s Wednesday and you’ve been here in the ICU a little over a week. I know it’s hard to keep track, so how about I talk with Steve and your parents about some ways to help you remember?”
He nodded, finally closing his eyes.
Steve squeezed his hand and he felt his fingers twitch in the lose grasp, but he was losing his battle to stay awake and alert.
“Okay…just rest while we do the work.’
He thought he nodded again, but he wasn’t sure.
He could feel something being spread over his blanket and then held in place by either Tina or Steve while his blanket and sheets were removed and he realized he had a bath sheet covering him.
The arm without the IV was exposed and the gown pulled away, but his body was still covered with the sheet.
His arm was lifted and a warm, damp cloth wiped downward, followed by a soft towel to dry him. The process was repeated with the other arm and then over and across his chest, careful of the sticky disks still attached to his skin.
His belly was next, lower and over the sticky parts and then down his legs, his feet and he drifted, only rousing when he was helped to his side and the cloth moved rhythmically down his back.
He cracked opened his eyes to see that Steve was standing in front of him, rubbing his shoulder as Tina continued to clean him. When she was done, she reattached the wires to the silenced machine, turning it back on before changing his bedding by flipping his body this way and that and then she and Steve helped get him into a fresh gown.
A new top sheet and blanket replaced the bath sheet and Tina tossed the soiled linens into the hamper, rolling it out in front of her when she left.
“Feeling better, babe?’ Steve’s hand moved up to Danny’s forehead, scratching through his unruly hair and Danny was secretly please Steve had figured out how much he liked for someone to rub and massage his head. It was one of his quirks and he was about to tell Steve not to stop and opened his eyes, but Steve was frowning. “You’re still pretty hot, Danno. Dr. Hoy said they were going to try something different if your fever hadn’t gone down some.”
Danny sighed, partly because of the head rub and partly because he was tired of having new meds introduced and having to deal with each new side effect and he was tired of needing new meds…he was so damned tired of being tired.
He was losing time, fitfully sleeping all hours of the day and night, missing visits from his parents and Steve, phone calls from Gracie…
He was suppose to be in a regular room by now, but because he already had a bladder infection and there was worry that the bacteria would spread to other organs Danny was being aggressively treated and Dr. Hoy had decided a few more days of monitoring in the ICU.
But Danny wasn’t sure how long ago that was, because time didn’t have a lot of meaning in his current state.
He sorta felt like he existed in a fishbowl, but then a fishbowl had a view and all he had to look at was the same three walls and the curtained window and sliding door to the hall.
The lights were always on, unless someone thought to dim them if he fell off to sleep, but it made it hard to determine the time of day and that made him anxious for some reason, especially if he woke to find himself alone.
Steve’s hand stilled in his hair and he peeled open his eyes to see a fellow carrying in a tray of food. “I have your breakfast, Mr. Williams.”
Steve stood and rolled the table over Danny’s lap as the tray was placed on it.
“Have a good day, sir.”
Steve took the lid off as Danny raised the head of the bed and adjusted the pillows. “What time is it,” he asked, because he knew Steve had come early and it shouldn’t be time for breakfast yet, unless he had actually fallen asleep.
“A little before nine in the morning…looks good,” Steve smiled at him, but Danny doubted that.
Steve unwrapped a plastic spoon and put it on top of the folded napkin, taking a little cap off a cup of black coffee and opened a carton of apple juice.
There was a bowl of something creamy looking, cereal…maybe cream of rice or runny oatmeal, a slice of lightly toasted bread and a pat of butter, a small cup of plain yogurt and a packet each of salt and pepper.
Danny’s taste buds missed bacon and sugary malasadas, but his belly was on the same page as his breakfast, sorta…he actually hadn’t been hungry since his surgery, but he ate what he could anyway.
“You’re not going to watch me eat, are you…that’s almost as creepy as when you watch me sleep.”
Steve smirked, but sat back in his seat, picking up a cup of coffee he must have gotten while Danny was drugged and sipped, nodding his head toward Danny’s breakfast. “Eat, babe…I swear I won’t stare…”
“Don’t you have to be at work or something?” and Danny used his plastic utensil to poke at the cereal. He put a tiny bit on the end of the spoon to taste it, missing the look that crossed Steve’s face.
“We are out of commission for awhile, remember?”
Danny dropped the spoon, remembering why they were out of commission, because three-fourths of the team was in the hospital, “I ah…I…”
“No worries, Danno…you’ve been sleeping so much, I wondered if you even remembered me telling you…now keep eating.”
Danny picked his spoon back up, trying to remember Steve actually telling him. He recalled the smell of smoke and Steve’s bruised torso and he knew that Chin was recovering from surgery and that Kono had to stay over night, but how long ago had that been?
“Are they doing alright?” and he wondered if he had asked that question before, because Steve quirked an eyebrow at him.
“Everyone’s fine. The other injured have all already been released…Kono’s hearing is getting better and Chin’s getting sprung sometime today. He might need some rehab, but he was pretty lucky, all things considered.”
Danny nodded; dropping the butter into his cereal and sprinkled it with the salt and pepper, trying to coax some flavor, taking another small bite. “What’s happening with the case if we’re done for an unforeseeable future?”
“Denning has some analyst looking over the evidence along with Homicide…seems that Wilson had a connection with Kapule. Both the husbands were military. They’re trying to track the gun used in the attempted murder of Kapule and how it got into Wilson’s hands…fire inspector determined the explosion was intentional. A pipe behind the stove was disconnected. Wilson had to be identified using dental records, but Davis’ body was in better shape. Max told me he had drugs in his system, one bullet wound to each knee and had somehow managed to crawl toward the front of the house.”
Danny sipped his cooling coffee, wishing he could sweeten it, but sugar was out for awhile, anyway. “I’m trying to work up some sympathy here, but…”
“Karma’s a bitch,” Steve supplied.
Danny agreed, “Got what was coming his way, I guess…but what if Kapule was involved with his wife’s attempted murder, shouldn’t…”
“Nah,” Steve stood, putting his coffee on the table next to Danny’s. “Let homicide take care of it…now, stop stalling and eat.” He dipped the spoon into the cereal and raised it toward Danny’s lips.
“Seriously,” Danny complained, but he opened his mouth and did his best to choke down the bite of food. His stomach was already unsettled and the cereal sat in his gut in a solid lump, but he knew he had to eat anyway, had to get his strength back so he could get the hell out of here.
But being hand fed was never one of his fantasies, so he grabbed the spoon before Steve could force another on him.
He managed two or three more bites of the cereal and then tried the yogurt, nibbling on the dry toast hoping it would help ease his stomach.
“You’re looking a little green, Danno…” and Steve rubbed his fingers through his hair again, smiling like a loon when Danny groaned, leaning into the touch.
“I think I’m done…okay? I can’t eat anymore…”
“It’s okay. Dr. Hoy said it’ll take awhile to get your appetite back and for your digestion to come back on line…eat some more yogurt though…you need the live cultures.”
“Ewww…” Danny thickly swallowed, “I did not need that visual, thank you very much.”
“Morning, Danny…” Speaking of Dr. Hoy… “I heard you tried to take a walk this morning?”
Danny raised his hand to probe at his cheek bone, wondering where the ice pack had gone. It hurt, was a little tender, but he had had worse.
“You’re definitely gonna have a black eye, Danno.”
That was just great!
The doctor leaned on the raised bed rail, saying, “Tina told me you were a little confused…a little anxious too…and that happens when patients are with us for more than a few days, so there are some things we can do to help you feel more comfortable.
Things like only dimming the lights in the evening, turning most of them off at night and leaving them on during the day, even if you do take a nap. That way your body can get back into a more normal Circadian rhythm, which can help with your sleep patterns and blood pressure, your over all sense of well being…
“Anything else we can do, Doc?” Steve leaned along the other side of the bed, resting his hands near Danny’s head.
“Well, we can bring in an alarm clock with a low light display so Danny can always see for himself the time and time of day. We have them here, so I’ll inform Tina…I see you didn’t eat very much. How’s your belly feeling?’ The doctor pulled back his sheets and lifted his gown, feeling around his stomach.
Danny answered, “I don’t feel hungry, so sometimes it’s hard to eat.”
The doctor nodded, moving on to look at the read outs before taking the thermometer out of the bed side drawer and sticking it in Danny’s ear until it beeped. “One zero two point two…how’s your pain?”
“It’s manageable…I’m mostly sore and achy…”
“Okay, here’s what we are going to do. I’m gonna remove the PCA tubing and we’ll control your pain with the oral meds and muscle relaxants. You need to stay in bed unless someone is here to help you…” Dr. Hoy looked him in the eye until Danny nodded in agreement. “And we are going to continue to monitor and do some testing today. I’ll have one of the nurses come in to do a urine test. Basically you pee in the hand held urinal and once you’re done, she’ll pass a catheter up into your bladder to drain and measure whatever you can’t pass on your own. We’ll send it to be cultured and see what grows, it’ll help us have a better idea on how to treat the infection and keep it from spreading to the kidneys.”
Danny could feel his face heating, a flush working its way up to his cheeks.
“You need to eat when you can.
The stoma specialist will be by later today to take a look at you and make some suggestions on foods that might be more appealing and you don’t need to stick to the hospital schedule, eat when you feel hungry and what you like on the list of approved foods…you can also have flavored protein shakes if you want.”
“Kay…”
“Let’s sit you up a bit and get this tube out of your back.”
Steve took an arm too and they got Danny up, a pillow in his lap to lean on. He was a little worried about the actual removal of the tube, but it turned out the tape pulling on his skin hurt worse then the tube snaking out. Dr. Hoy looked around inside the bedside table, coming up with a tiny round Band-Aid that he took great care in opening and pressing over the puncture on Danny’s back.
“So, once the test analysis is done, we’ll talk about options for continual treatment and try to get you out of here before the end of the week. Sound good?”
“Yeah, sounds perfect…” Danny let Steve help him back against the bed, fluffing his pillows and he was pleasantly surprised not to feel the pulling and pinching at his back now that it was gone.
“Okay, I’ll be around later to check in…get some rest.”
“Thanks Doc,” Danny called after the man.
“You want to try to finish your yogurt while it’s still cool…maybe drink your juice?” Steve rolled the table parallel with the bed, picking up Danny's spoon, like maybe he was thinking about feeding him again.
“Maybe the juice…” and he watched while Steve struggled with opening the little straw that came with the juice box.
“Need some help there, Super SEAL? I can see the plastic is putting up a pretty good fight…”
“Ha ha, Daniel…but I,” the plastic gave way under Steve’s teeth and Danny wondered if he should be grossed out or not. “Got it…I got it,” and Steve poked a hole in the box top and handed it over to Danny.
He sipped it, because at least it tasted like something and he was thirsty, thirstier than he had thought, since the sides of the little box were caving in as it emptied.
“More?” Steve asked, standing to go get Danny some more and as usual, Steve’s timing was perfect, because Luka, one of the ostomy specialist came strolling in as Steve slipped out the door and Danny knew he would stay gone until Luka was done with him.
“Morning, Danny,” Luka sat in the chair Steve vacated, relaxed, not rushing through like some of the other specialist that had been in to see Danny since his surgery. “I hear you’re having a problem with your appetite, brah." And Luka was so laid back, Danny was sure he could just curl up where he was and take a nap. “I brought you a list of foods you can try…Your folks or Steve can bring you in food as long as it’s on the list and I have some protein shakes coming too. If you can’t eat what you have at least drink the shakes…the chocolate is nasty, I’m just being honest here, man…but the strawberry and vanilla are both pretty good…”
Luka’s dark eyes were so sincere and then he straightened in his seat, “Hey, I’m sorry man…I shouldn’t have said anything about the chocolate…I mean, maybe it’s your favorite flavor, maybe you’ll like it…”
“Don’t worry about it, Luka,” Danny told him. “I’m not a huge fan of chocolate anyway…would probably go for the strawberry…”
“Cool…okay, that’s cool…how about we take a little walk to the bathroom and take care of business?”
Danny swung his legs over the edge of the bed once Luka had lowered the rail and used the controls to lower the bed. He kept a hand at Danny’s elbow, but let Danny get to the toilet under his own steam and Danny was happy to see he hadn’t felt as shaky as he had earlier.
“Do you need me…”
“Nah…I’m good…”
“Kay, I’ll wait out here.” And Luka pushed the door closed all but a sliver.
Danny turned and sat on the toilet, lifting the hem of the blue gown to see his bag. A clean collection container sat on a shelf on the other side of him and it took a second to get it opened and positioned at the bottom of the bag, where he unfastened the clip.
He tried not to look as he emptied the contents into the container, but once it was emptied and securely refastened, he checked for signs of blood, the consistency and other things he had been taught.
“Temporary,” he mumbled to himself, startling when Luka asked if he was okay through the partially opened door. “Yeah…I’m almost done.”
“Take your time…and do your exercises.”
Danny nodded, even though Luka couldn’t see him. He put the container on the shelf, since his crap was still being studied. Once they didn’t need to look at it anymore, he could just empty it into the toilet and flush it away.
He took a second to flex and squeeze the muscles in his pelvis, his sphincters, because he took the warning seriously and wanted to be able to control his bowel once the reversal was done.
He used some tissue to wipe, knowing that he could have a little mucus, but the paper came away clean, so he stood and flushed the toilet, washed his hands and made his way back to his bed while Luka went into the room. A short time later, the toilet flushed again and Luka came out, disposing of the container and stripping off his gloves. “Looks good, brah…”
Danny hated this…hated everything about it, but he had to deal with it anyway and it seemed, at least this part of his recovery was going right.
“Do you think your bag needs changed?” Luka pulled more gloves from the box by the door, walking toward him.
“I think it’s good.”
“Let me check…” he studied the bag and the skin around it and then he nodded, “looks good...everything looks good, so I’ll be back in a few days to check in on you.”
“Thanks, Luka…see ya in a few.” Danny sunk back into the bedding, exhaustion enveloping him like a warm blanket, so he closed his eyes to wait for Steve to return.
It could have only been a few minutes later, but someone opened the door and put something down on the table near Danny, sank into the chair by Danny’s bed.
Hand’s smoothed through his hair again and Danny couldn’t help the little sigh that escaped.
“Like that, huh?”
“Umhmm…” Danny opened his eyes to see Steve watching him, leaning his chin on the arm that rested on the rail.
“You scared me earlier…Tina called to tell me you were restless again, so I decided to come early and we were talking when your heart monitor was turned off…”
Danny shifted closer, touching Steve’s face. “I’m sorry, babe…I just…I was having some vivid dreams…probably from the new medicine and I…I just got panicky and had to…I don’t know, I just wanted to get out of this room…”
“Is that all…” Steve stood up a little, leaning closer to kiss Danny on the forehead and then his nose before dotting the side of his mouth with tiny pecks. “You were talking, saying some things…”
Danny’s eyes crossed as Steve leaned in closer and kissed his mouth again and when they pulled apart, Steve plopped back into his chair.
“I ah…I don’t know what I was saying, but its fine…I’m fine…”
Steve looked like he was going to say more, but Tina came in, carrying some supplies.
“You want me to…” Steve started to stand, but Danny grabbed his arm before he could get too far away.
“No…Stay…I want you to stay…”
Tina set up her supplies and Steve stayed in the chair, holding Danny’s hand, but kept his eyes on Danny’s face instead of what was happening down below. He told Danny he had been to visit Chin and that Kono had called to say she would be by for a visit later. His ma and pop were on their way in.
The nurse worked quickly and efficiently and it was over much faster than Danny expected with a minimal of pain and discomfort. She patted his ankle on her way out, promising to let him alone for the next few hours at least.
They sat in comfortable silence for a bit, Steve settling back, settling in and Danny tried to find a comfortable spot. His hip hurt and he rubbed at it with his hand.
“Do you need a pain pill?”
“Nah…I’m good.” and his eyes drooped, closing.
He heard pages rustling as he drifted, knowing that Steve had grabbed his library book and was reading the adventures of Odd Thomas and just before he fell completely asleep, he felt Steve's fingers in his hair again, and Steve's hot breath on his cheek as he whispered, "You're not alone, Danno...never again...I'm right here, babe...so you don't have to worry...I'm not going anywhere."
Danny's breathing evened out and he sighed, letting go of his uncertainty, his worry and fear.
"Sweet dreams, babe..."
Because no matter what else Steve might be, the man always kept his word.
Part Fouteen
Author: Twilight
Summary: What the hell just happened? One minute he was holding his gun on Davis and the next he was on the ground with Danny bleeding all over him.
Rated: Pg 13
Feedback: Always welcome
Part One
Part Thirteen
Danny knew he was dreaming…
And yet he could feel his physical body and he hurt, his joints were aching and his limbs were heavy and hot, his breathing was labored and he could feel tears burning behind his closed eyes.
When he had finally drifted into an uneasy sleep, he had had a fever, had had a fever for days and the strange landscapes of his mind must have been a product of his condition, because even though he knew he was dreaming, even though he had told himself over and over to just wake up, he couldn’t.
Hazy images and familiar voices, soft singing to strained shouting filled his wandering mind and he felt like he was bouncing from one memory to another…his mom holding him when he was very little, rubbing his back and whispering words of comfort in his ear…Rachel holding Grace on her lap as Danny drove like a mad man to the hospital, his baby’s broken arm tucked against her mom’s chest as she sobbed into Rachel’s shoulder…falling off his skateboard and breaking his own arm along with dislocating his shoulder and walking a couple of miles to his pop’s station, refusing to cry, because he didn’t want his pop to think he wasn’t the tough little bugger he claimed to be…Rachel hurling angry words at him, talking between her teeth because Gracie was only sleeping the next room over, yelling at him that she was done, that they were over…
His chest constricted and he felt his legs jerk, but the images rolled on.
He saw Gracie, lying next to him on the hospital bed, curled up to his side, her head resting on his shoulder and then he was tearing down packing boxes, tossing aside anything that separated him from his baby until he could see her, duck taped to a chair in a hot storage unit, her face streaked with dirt and tears…
And then he found himself standing on the wrong side of the fence, watching a fading image of his brother, Matt…walking away from him and out of his life, taking with him his friendship, just throwing away their brotherly bond and Danny was alone again…no matter what, he always ended up alone and lonely.
Fear surged through him, taking his breath and he shook his head.
Wake up…just wake up.
He was back in Steve’s garage, pointing his gun at the man…at Steve, who would go on to fill his life with frustration and friendship, who would make him crazy one second and surprised him with his kindness the next…
And then Danny was back in the shipping yard...
Steve stood several feet in front of him, gun pointed at Davis, a creepy smirk on the felon’s face.
He looked around, because he knew what was going to happen next, started to launch himself at Steve when a shot rang out, but Danny was not fast enough this time, was too late because Steve went down.
Danny ran forward, wildly looking around for help, for Chin or Kono or any other officer that he knew had been there that day, but they were gone, even Davis had disappeared …and they were all alone.
Steve was in a heap when Danny reached him, face down and blood pooling around his head and Danny knew this wasn’t right…this hadn’t happened, yet he was afraid to touch Steve, to turn his partner over because if he did, maybe this nightmare place would some how become reality and Steve would be dead…Danny could tell that Steve was dead, his body unmoving and pale, but he had to know for sure, so he reached tentatively forward, his hands trembling as he grasped Steve’s shoulder to turn him over and Steve was…
No! Nononono…Steve?
Hollowed blue eyes stared up at Danny.
A small hole on Steve’s forehead, right between his eyes oozed blood and Steve’s mouth drooped open, like he wanted to tell Danny one last thing.
It’s not real…it’s not. Steve’s not dead.
Danny’s breath caught and his chest clinched and his shoulders shook in a silent sob.
And when he opened his eyes for real, ran a shaking hand up to scrub at them, they were dry, but his body still shook and shuddered and heaved to the remembered hurts.
It took him a few minutes to realize he was really awake and for the strange dreams to start to fade, for the shaking of his body to settle and for his heart to calm to a more normal rhythm.
He carefully moved his head on the flat pillow, feeling his headache flare as he looked around the room.
He was still in the ICU…still in pain and sick…still bone tired.
He didn’t know what time it was, because his view never changed.
The lights were bright in the windowless room and the curtain by his bed was pulled, so he couldn’t see the sliding glass door or out to the hall and not being able to see started his heart to racing again.
He knew there were people out there, a nurse or doctor, other patients, but his mind gibbered that he was all alone...there was no one else out there beyond this room…
When he was younger, he was always anxious about being alone…left alone in his house or even left to wait by the shopping cart while his ma went to get the family car.
One time his pop was working nights and so he wouldn’t have come home until after the kids were all on the bus and his mom had gone into work. Danny had been sick, the last in his family to catch a bug that had made the rounds with the neighborhood kids and his class mates and his ma had let him skip school, had let him sleep in while she went on to work with a promise that his pop would be home soon.
Laying here now, Danny could still remember slipping from his bed and watching his ma back her station wagon out of the drive and pull away and down the street, turning the corner and out of his view.
The street was empty, not another car or kid waiting to go to school…
He had stayed by the front window, cold and miserable, feeling like he needed to puke, and waiting for his pop, watching the clock tick past the time his dad should be home. He split his time watching the street and watching the clock and with each passing minute it had become harder and harder to breathe.
He could remember his stomach twisting and sweat breaking out on his skin and the panic that pumped through his veins…he had felt a lot like he felt right now.
But he couldn’t push the irrational fear away, couldn’t reason with himself to think clearly, to assure himself that he was an adult now and that he didn’t need to be afraid of being alone, and all the while his heart rattled on in his chest and his breaths came in short, aborted pants.
His legs moved sluggishly against the sheets and he felt the leads and wires pull on his chest and back as he shifted, trying to get up, because he had to get up…he had to get out, he needed to find someone…find Steve or he was going to…
He had been afraid, so afraid...since he had heard the shot and had felt the bullet rip into him…since starting this…whatever it was with Steve…
What if it didn’t work out between them?
It never worked out…
Rachel, Matt, and Gabby…people always left him…
What if Steve gets tired of me…my attitude and my big mouth…my messiness…Steve is such a neat freak…
What about my complaining and and the food I like?
What if I don’t get better and never get the chance to find out?
What if…
What if…
Danny suddenly reached up and slapped at the machine by his bed, turning it off like he had seen the nurses do when they had gotten him up to walk. He yanked the wires from the machine, trying to get the safety rail out of the way, managing to swing his legs down so he could sit up, because he had to…go…the walls were closing in all around him and he needed to get out of this room…
He gripped the side of the bed and pulled upright, leaning forward over his achy belly, trying to hold onto his incision.
Spasms rippled through his pelvis and he really needed to pee, but that would have to wait until…until he found Steve.
He needed to find Steve...Steve said he had wanted Danny…anyway he could get him, so if that were true, than Danny wouldn’t be alone anymore and Steve would help him…Steve would take him away from here, away from the pain and sickness, away from the uncertainty.
Because Danny was tired of worrying, tired of being scared about…well, about everything.
He knew if he could just find Steve, he wouldn’t have to worry, because Steve would have his back, Steve would take care of Danny so that Danny wouldn’t have to worry anymore.
Danny tried to shake off the dizziness that swirled through his head, chasing his disjointed thoughts round and around.
He managed to reach for the IV pole and roll it toward him, because he was still connected, still had lines in his arm, fluids and antibiotics and who new what else and the catheter was still in his back, even though they had been weaning him from it’s use, offering him oral pain management and muscle relaxants.
He leaned heavily on the pole, sliding to his bare feet, huffing for breath and hung on, needing the support.
He took a tentative step toward the door, heard harried voices coming down the hall and the drawn curtain ripping back on squeaky gliders, but before he could bring his eyes up from his planted feet his knees unlocked and he was falling, pulling the IV pole over as he went.
Shouting echoed round the room, spun around his head and someone was leaning over him, whispering urgently into his ear, telling him to hold still, “Lie still, Danno…don’t try to move.”
Danny didn’t think he was trying to move.
“Slow you’re breathing, babe…slow down…”
He was still huffing, but he took in a deep breath and held it, trying to ease his racing heart, feeling a warm wetness seep into the front of his gown and realized he had pissed himself and then just who it was that was on the floor with him.
He pushed back, pushed at the hands that tried to sooth him. “No, Steve…no…”
Someone else was talking…someone was telling him he was having a panic attack and that they were going to give him something to help him calm down, but he didn’t want anything. His teeth were chattering, but he managed to squeak out. “No…I, umm, I, I…”
He felt the brush of something cool and damp near his shoulder and then a pinch as a needle pierced his skin.
A warm flush spread outward, consuming his body, relaxing his muscles and easing his breathing and Steve’s face finally swam into view, or maybe he had just finally opened his eyes. “That’s it, Danno…relax and let the medicine help you.”
“Umm,” he locked eyes with Steve and then gripped weakly at Steve’s polo. “I ah…I,” and he didn’t know what he was going to say, but Steve hushed him anyway.
“It’s okay, babe…you don’t need to worry…just relax. Did you hurt yourself?”
Danny didn’t think so, except for maybe his pride because he could feel the cooling pee he was sitting in and the material of the gown that lay sodden against his legs.
“I think you’re gonna have a shiner, Danno.”
And his face didn’t hurt until Steve had mentioned it. He uncurled his fingers from Steve’s shirt and lifted his hand toward his right eye, feeling a tenderness around his cheek bone before Steve’s hand joined his and twined their fingers together, moving Danny’s hand to rest against Steve’s chest again.
Amy knelt beside him, pulling the ties to his gown and Steve helped ease it from his shoulders, letting it pool in his lap and then she threaded his arm through a clean one, tucking it over the shoulder of the arm connected to the IV lines. “If you can get him into the bed, we’ll clean up and then you can help us get him settled. Doctor Hoy will be in soon and will look him over, but I think he’s fine, except for the eye.”
Danny heard them talking, talking about him, but he was too tired to care, feeling warm and comfortable…safe in the circle of Steve’s arms.
Steve shifted, getting an arm under Danny’s knees and scooped him up. Cool air caressed his flesh before Steve settled him onto the bed and covered him with the sheets and blanket, keeping a tight hold on Danny’s hand.
He could see both Tina and Amy working on a small puddle and a few smears of blood and he wondered where he was bleeding. The soiled gown got tossed into a clothes hamper and a pile of towels and fresh sheets were placed on the bed side table.
Amy came over while Tina finished with the clean up. “Do you hurt anywhere Danny?” she asked, moving the bedding to look at his healing incision and stoma, feeling around his belly, but he didn’t hurt there.
His voice still warbled, “my…my hips…little sore.” It had taken the brunt of his fall and somehow he had managed to smack his face on something too.
The IV pole had been righted and Amy looked over the bags and connections to be sure they were in working order before moving on to look at his reddening cheek bone. “I’ll get you an ice pack.”
She left them alone and Tina had stepped out too, pulling the curtain back to cover the sliding glass door and Danny tensed, an uneasy feeling niggled at the back of his brain, but he was able to push it down this time. “What time is it,” he asked, partly to distract himself from thinking about what had just happened and partly because he really wanted to know.
Steve glanced at his watch before answering, “It’s a little after six in the morning…did you get up to use the bathroom, Danno?”
He nodded, knowing by Steve’s raised brow that he wasn’t being totally truthful, but Danny wasn’t ready to tell Steve the real reason he had tried to flee the room, not yet at least.
And since he christened the floor, it was a plausible excuse.
He lifted his hips, feeling sticky and dirty and worried that he smelled. “What time is it,” he asked again and Steve frowned at him.
“It’s almost six fifteen, babe…”
“Oh…okay…in the morning?”
“Yes, Danno…its morning.”
“Oh…”
Tina slipped back into the room, wrapping a chemical ice pack into a wash cloth and holding it to his face, letting Danny press it over his cheek bone where he hurt the most. “How are you feeling, Danny? Still no unusual pains?”
He shook his head, feeling his eyes droop, but he didn’t want to go back to sleep…he might end up back in that place, so he fought to keep them open and slurred, “no…just sorta sore all over.”
“Okay…you need to tell me if anything doesn’t feel right, but I think you lucked out and didn’t seriously injure anything else.” She patted his arm and went on, “you need to get help though, if you want to get up and out of bed. Okay?”
“Kay,” he mumbled, still fighting to keep his eyes opened.
“Okay, I’m gonna get you cleaned up and then you can rest some before your breakfast gets here.”
Breakfast…
“What time is it?”
He saw the worried look Steve shot her, but he didn’t know why Steve would be worried.
“It’s early morning, Danny. It’s Wednesday and you’ve been here in the ICU a little over a week. I know it’s hard to keep track, so how about I talk with Steve and your parents about some ways to help you remember?”
He nodded, finally closing his eyes.
Steve squeezed his hand and he felt his fingers twitch in the lose grasp, but he was losing his battle to stay awake and alert.
“Okay…just rest while we do the work.’
He thought he nodded again, but he wasn’t sure.
He could feel something being spread over his blanket and then held in place by either Tina or Steve while his blanket and sheets were removed and he realized he had a bath sheet covering him.
The arm without the IV was exposed and the gown pulled away, but his body was still covered with the sheet.
His arm was lifted and a warm, damp cloth wiped downward, followed by a soft towel to dry him. The process was repeated with the other arm and then over and across his chest, careful of the sticky disks still attached to his skin.
His belly was next, lower and over the sticky parts and then down his legs, his feet and he drifted, only rousing when he was helped to his side and the cloth moved rhythmically down his back.
He cracked opened his eyes to see that Steve was standing in front of him, rubbing his shoulder as Tina continued to clean him. When she was done, she reattached the wires to the silenced machine, turning it back on before changing his bedding by flipping his body this way and that and then she and Steve helped get him into a fresh gown.
A new top sheet and blanket replaced the bath sheet and Tina tossed the soiled linens into the hamper, rolling it out in front of her when she left.
“Feeling better, babe?’ Steve’s hand moved up to Danny’s forehead, scratching through his unruly hair and Danny was secretly please Steve had figured out how much he liked for someone to rub and massage his head. It was one of his quirks and he was about to tell Steve not to stop and opened his eyes, but Steve was frowning. “You’re still pretty hot, Danno. Dr. Hoy said they were going to try something different if your fever hadn’t gone down some.”
Danny sighed, partly because of the head rub and partly because he was tired of having new meds introduced and having to deal with each new side effect and he was tired of needing new meds…he was so damned tired of being tired.
He was losing time, fitfully sleeping all hours of the day and night, missing visits from his parents and Steve, phone calls from Gracie…
He was suppose to be in a regular room by now, but because he already had a bladder infection and there was worry that the bacteria would spread to other organs Danny was being aggressively treated and Dr. Hoy had decided a few more days of monitoring in the ICU.
But Danny wasn’t sure how long ago that was, because time didn’t have a lot of meaning in his current state.
He sorta felt like he existed in a fishbowl, but then a fishbowl had a view and all he had to look at was the same three walls and the curtained window and sliding door to the hall.
The lights were always on, unless someone thought to dim them if he fell off to sleep, but it made it hard to determine the time of day and that made him anxious for some reason, especially if he woke to find himself alone.
Steve’s hand stilled in his hair and he peeled open his eyes to see a fellow carrying in a tray of food. “I have your breakfast, Mr. Williams.”
Steve stood and rolled the table over Danny’s lap as the tray was placed on it.
“Have a good day, sir.”
Steve took the lid off as Danny raised the head of the bed and adjusted the pillows. “What time is it,” he asked, because he knew Steve had come early and it shouldn’t be time for breakfast yet, unless he had actually fallen asleep.
“A little before nine in the morning…looks good,” Steve smiled at him, but Danny doubted that.
Steve unwrapped a plastic spoon and put it on top of the folded napkin, taking a little cap off a cup of black coffee and opened a carton of apple juice.
There was a bowl of something creamy looking, cereal…maybe cream of rice or runny oatmeal, a slice of lightly toasted bread and a pat of butter, a small cup of plain yogurt and a packet each of salt and pepper.
Danny’s taste buds missed bacon and sugary malasadas, but his belly was on the same page as his breakfast, sorta…he actually hadn’t been hungry since his surgery, but he ate what he could anyway.
“You’re not going to watch me eat, are you…that’s almost as creepy as when you watch me sleep.”
Steve smirked, but sat back in his seat, picking up a cup of coffee he must have gotten while Danny was drugged and sipped, nodding his head toward Danny’s breakfast. “Eat, babe…I swear I won’t stare…”
“Don’t you have to be at work or something?” and Danny used his plastic utensil to poke at the cereal. He put a tiny bit on the end of the spoon to taste it, missing the look that crossed Steve’s face.
“We are out of commission for awhile, remember?”
Danny dropped the spoon, remembering why they were out of commission, because three-fourths of the team was in the hospital, “I ah…I…”
“No worries, Danno…you’ve been sleeping so much, I wondered if you even remembered me telling you…now keep eating.”
Danny picked his spoon back up, trying to remember Steve actually telling him. He recalled the smell of smoke and Steve’s bruised torso and he knew that Chin was recovering from surgery and that Kono had to stay over night, but how long ago had that been?
“Are they doing alright?” and he wondered if he had asked that question before, because Steve quirked an eyebrow at him.
“Everyone’s fine. The other injured have all already been released…Kono’s hearing is getting better and Chin’s getting sprung sometime today. He might need some rehab, but he was pretty lucky, all things considered.”
Danny nodded; dropping the butter into his cereal and sprinkled it with the salt and pepper, trying to coax some flavor, taking another small bite. “What’s happening with the case if we’re done for an unforeseeable future?”
“Denning has some analyst looking over the evidence along with Homicide…seems that Wilson had a connection with Kapule. Both the husbands were military. They’re trying to track the gun used in the attempted murder of Kapule and how it got into Wilson’s hands…fire inspector determined the explosion was intentional. A pipe behind the stove was disconnected. Wilson had to be identified using dental records, but Davis’ body was in better shape. Max told me he had drugs in his system, one bullet wound to each knee and had somehow managed to crawl toward the front of the house.”
Danny sipped his cooling coffee, wishing he could sweeten it, but sugar was out for awhile, anyway. “I’m trying to work up some sympathy here, but…”
“Karma’s a bitch,” Steve supplied.
Danny agreed, “Got what was coming his way, I guess…but what if Kapule was involved with his wife’s attempted murder, shouldn’t…”
“Nah,” Steve stood, putting his coffee on the table next to Danny’s. “Let homicide take care of it…now, stop stalling and eat.” He dipped the spoon into the cereal and raised it toward Danny’s lips.
“Seriously,” Danny complained, but he opened his mouth and did his best to choke down the bite of food. His stomach was already unsettled and the cereal sat in his gut in a solid lump, but he knew he had to eat anyway, had to get his strength back so he could get the hell out of here.
But being hand fed was never one of his fantasies, so he grabbed the spoon before Steve could force another on him.
He managed two or three more bites of the cereal and then tried the yogurt, nibbling on the dry toast hoping it would help ease his stomach.
“You’re looking a little green, Danno…” and Steve rubbed his fingers through his hair again, smiling like a loon when Danny groaned, leaning into the touch.
“I think I’m done…okay? I can’t eat anymore…”
“It’s okay. Dr. Hoy said it’ll take awhile to get your appetite back and for your digestion to come back on line…eat some more yogurt though…you need the live cultures.”
“Ewww…” Danny thickly swallowed, “I did not need that visual, thank you very much.”
“Morning, Danny…” Speaking of Dr. Hoy… “I heard you tried to take a walk this morning?”
Danny raised his hand to probe at his cheek bone, wondering where the ice pack had gone. It hurt, was a little tender, but he had had worse.
“You’re definitely gonna have a black eye, Danno.”
That was just great!
The doctor leaned on the raised bed rail, saying, “Tina told me you were a little confused…a little anxious too…and that happens when patients are with us for more than a few days, so there are some things we can do to help you feel more comfortable.
Things like only dimming the lights in the evening, turning most of them off at night and leaving them on during the day, even if you do take a nap. That way your body can get back into a more normal Circadian rhythm, which can help with your sleep patterns and blood pressure, your over all sense of well being…
“Anything else we can do, Doc?” Steve leaned along the other side of the bed, resting his hands near Danny’s head.
“Well, we can bring in an alarm clock with a low light display so Danny can always see for himself the time and time of day. We have them here, so I’ll inform Tina…I see you didn’t eat very much. How’s your belly feeling?’ The doctor pulled back his sheets and lifted his gown, feeling around his stomach.
Danny answered, “I don’t feel hungry, so sometimes it’s hard to eat.”
The doctor nodded, moving on to look at the read outs before taking the thermometer out of the bed side drawer and sticking it in Danny’s ear until it beeped. “One zero two point two…how’s your pain?”
“It’s manageable…I’m mostly sore and achy…”
“Okay, here’s what we are going to do. I’m gonna remove the PCA tubing and we’ll control your pain with the oral meds and muscle relaxants. You need to stay in bed unless someone is here to help you…” Dr. Hoy looked him in the eye until Danny nodded in agreement. “And we are going to continue to monitor and do some testing today. I’ll have one of the nurses come in to do a urine test. Basically you pee in the hand held urinal and once you’re done, she’ll pass a catheter up into your bladder to drain and measure whatever you can’t pass on your own. We’ll send it to be cultured and see what grows, it’ll help us have a better idea on how to treat the infection and keep it from spreading to the kidneys.”
Danny could feel his face heating, a flush working its way up to his cheeks.
“You need to eat when you can.
The stoma specialist will be by later today to take a look at you and make some suggestions on foods that might be more appealing and you don’t need to stick to the hospital schedule, eat when you feel hungry and what you like on the list of approved foods…you can also have flavored protein shakes if you want.”
“Kay…”
“Let’s sit you up a bit and get this tube out of your back.”
Steve took an arm too and they got Danny up, a pillow in his lap to lean on. He was a little worried about the actual removal of the tube, but it turned out the tape pulling on his skin hurt worse then the tube snaking out. Dr. Hoy looked around inside the bedside table, coming up with a tiny round Band-Aid that he took great care in opening and pressing over the puncture on Danny’s back.
“So, once the test analysis is done, we’ll talk about options for continual treatment and try to get you out of here before the end of the week. Sound good?”
“Yeah, sounds perfect…” Danny let Steve help him back against the bed, fluffing his pillows and he was pleasantly surprised not to feel the pulling and pinching at his back now that it was gone.
“Okay, I’ll be around later to check in…get some rest.”
“Thanks Doc,” Danny called after the man.
“You want to try to finish your yogurt while it’s still cool…maybe drink your juice?” Steve rolled the table parallel with the bed, picking up Danny's spoon, like maybe he was thinking about feeding him again.
“Maybe the juice…” and he watched while Steve struggled with opening the little straw that came with the juice box.
“Need some help there, Super SEAL? I can see the plastic is putting up a pretty good fight…”
“Ha ha, Daniel…but I,” the plastic gave way under Steve’s teeth and Danny wondered if he should be grossed out or not. “Got it…I got it,” and Steve poked a hole in the box top and handed it over to Danny.
He sipped it, because at least it tasted like something and he was thirsty, thirstier than he had thought, since the sides of the little box were caving in as it emptied.
“More?” Steve asked, standing to go get Danny some more and as usual, Steve’s timing was perfect, because Luka, one of the ostomy specialist came strolling in as Steve slipped out the door and Danny knew he would stay gone until Luka was done with him.
“Morning, Danny,” Luka sat in the chair Steve vacated, relaxed, not rushing through like some of the other specialist that had been in to see Danny since his surgery. “I hear you’re having a problem with your appetite, brah." And Luka was so laid back, Danny was sure he could just curl up where he was and take a nap. “I brought you a list of foods you can try…Your folks or Steve can bring you in food as long as it’s on the list and I have some protein shakes coming too. If you can’t eat what you have at least drink the shakes…the chocolate is nasty, I’m just being honest here, man…but the strawberry and vanilla are both pretty good…”
Luka’s dark eyes were so sincere and then he straightened in his seat, “Hey, I’m sorry man…I shouldn’t have said anything about the chocolate…I mean, maybe it’s your favorite flavor, maybe you’ll like it…”
“Don’t worry about it, Luka,” Danny told him. “I’m not a huge fan of chocolate anyway…would probably go for the strawberry…”
“Cool…okay, that’s cool…how about we take a little walk to the bathroom and take care of business?”
Danny swung his legs over the edge of the bed once Luka had lowered the rail and used the controls to lower the bed. He kept a hand at Danny’s elbow, but let Danny get to the toilet under his own steam and Danny was happy to see he hadn’t felt as shaky as he had earlier.
“Do you need me…”
“Nah…I’m good…”
“Kay, I’ll wait out here.” And Luka pushed the door closed all but a sliver.
Danny turned and sat on the toilet, lifting the hem of the blue gown to see his bag. A clean collection container sat on a shelf on the other side of him and it took a second to get it opened and positioned at the bottom of the bag, where he unfastened the clip.
He tried not to look as he emptied the contents into the container, but once it was emptied and securely refastened, he checked for signs of blood, the consistency and other things he had been taught.
“Temporary,” he mumbled to himself, startling when Luka asked if he was okay through the partially opened door. “Yeah…I’m almost done.”
“Take your time…and do your exercises.”
Danny nodded, even though Luka couldn’t see him. He put the container on the shelf, since his crap was still being studied. Once they didn’t need to look at it anymore, he could just empty it into the toilet and flush it away.
He took a second to flex and squeeze the muscles in his pelvis, his sphincters, because he took the warning seriously and wanted to be able to control his bowel once the reversal was done.
He used some tissue to wipe, knowing that he could have a little mucus, but the paper came away clean, so he stood and flushed the toilet, washed his hands and made his way back to his bed while Luka went into the room. A short time later, the toilet flushed again and Luka came out, disposing of the container and stripping off his gloves. “Looks good, brah…”
Danny hated this…hated everything about it, but he had to deal with it anyway and it seemed, at least this part of his recovery was going right.
“Do you think your bag needs changed?” Luka pulled more gloves from the box by the door, walking toward him.
“I think it’s good.”
“Let me check…” he studied the bag and the skin around it and then he nodded, “looks good...everything looks good, so I’ll be back in a few days to check in on you.”
“Thanks, Luka…see ya in a few.” Danny sunk back into the bedding, exhaustion enveloping him like a warm blanket, so he closed his eyes to wait for Steve to return.
It could have only been a few minutes later, but someone opened the door and put something down on the table near Danny, sank into the chair by Danny’s bed.
Hand’s smoothed through his hair again and Danny couldn’t help the little sigh that escaped.
“Like that, huh?”
“Umhmm…” Danny opened his eyes to see Steve watching him, leaning his chin on the arm that rested on the rail.
“You scared me earlier…Tina called to tell me you were restless again, so I decided to come early and we were talking when your heart monitor was turned off…”
Danny shifted closer, touching Steve’s face. “I’m sorry, babe…I just…I was having some vivid dreams…probably from the new medicine and I…I just got panicky and had to…I don’t know, I just wanted to get out of this room…”
“Is that all…” Steve stood up a little, leaning closer to kiss Danny on the forehead and then his nose before dotting the side of his mouth with tiny pecks. “You were talking, saying some things…”
Danny’s eyes crossed as Steve leaned in closer and kissed his mouth again and when they pulled apart, Steve plopped back into his chair.
“I ah…I don’t know what I was saying, but its fine…I’m fine…”
Steve looked like he was going to say more, but Tina came in, carrying some supplies.
“You want me to…” Steve started to stand, but Danny grabbed his arm before he could get too far away.
“No…Stay…I want you to stay…”
Tina set up her supplies and Steve stayed in the chair, holding Danny’s hand, but kept his eyes on Danny’s face instead of what was happening down below. He told Danny he had been to visit Chin and that Kono had called to say she would be by for a visit later. His ma and pop were on their way in.
The nurse worked quickly and efficiently and it was over much faster than Danny expected with a minimal of pain and discomfort. She patted his ankle on her way out, promising to let him alone for the next few hours at least.
They sat in comfortable silence for a bit, Steve settling back, settling in and Danny tried to find a comfortable spot. His hip hurt and he rubbed at it with his hand.
“Do you need a pain pill?”
“Nah…I’m good.” and his eyes drooped, closing.
He heard pages rustling as he drifted, knowing that Steve had grabbed his library book and was reading the adventures of Odd Thomas and just before he fell completely asleep, he felt Steve's fingers in his hair again, and Steve's hot breath on his cheek as he whispered, "You're not alone, Danno...never again...I'm right here, babe...so you don't have to worry...I'm not going anywhere."
Danny's breathing evened out and he sighed, letting go of his uncertainty, his worry and fear.
"Sweet dreams, babe..."
Because no matter what else Steve might be, the man always kept his word.
Part Fouteen