Byproducts of Relativity

[dtsou]

So I was listening to the radio this morning and they were talking about this stepfather who has been charged with indecent behavior and some other offense. Apparently, the stepfather was playing a game of truth or dare with his stepdaughter and some of her friends, and through the course of the game the stepdaughter and her friends shed their

Comments

[pessen]

It still seems like there tends to be more outrage when it's an older guy and a younger girl, though. I've read plenty of stories where a female teacher has sex with a young male student and most people generally don't seem to care too much and are all about forgiving the female teacher and trying to see her point of view and claiming it was all consensual and they were in love etc. Whereas whenever it's an older male and a younger female, it always seems to be portrayed as some evil creep preying on some poor innocent little girl.

Of course, incest (even fake incest like this situation) seems to be pretty equally disliked no matter what gender is doing it.

The age issue has always been a sticky situation for me. On one level, I wonder why age has to matter at all. As long as it's consensual by both parties and nobody is getting hurt, what's the problem? It would certainly make things simpler to go by that. On the other hand, I'm sure that introduces a lot of problems as well.

Also, are you asking at what age I think it should be illegal or at what age I think it's creepy and/or wrong? Because I think my answer to those two questions might be different.

[dtsou]

Yeah, awhile ago I would have agreed with you and said that I thought the same, but I remember coming across 2-3 stories in the news (not all at the same time) that chastised a relationship between a female teacher and a student. I thought it was patently ridiculous to a certain extent because it seems doubtful that the student was objecting. I think the reason for protecting children up to a certain age is that they just don't know better. Like if you have a kid and tell him to do something dangerous, he might not have heard that it was dangerous, or have had enough life-experience to understand how dangerous some things can be. On the other hand, you can't protect kids from everything and at a certain point you just have to let them learn from their mistakes (if it turns out to be a mistake). To complicate things further, it's difficult to agree on a certain age where you say a kid can make his own decisions. Everyone maturing at a different age doesn't help this choice either.

So what are your ages for both? And what would be your reasons for separating the two? Is it a matter of what you think would be creepy being different from what you think should be permissible?

[pessen]

I remember there being a decently big creep out factor when that one teacher and her student ended up getting married so I'm willing to agree that there probably isn't a big gender gap in that kind of reporting (or a gender gap at all).

"Is it a matter of what you think would be creepy being different from what you think should be permissible?"

Pretty much. There are a lot of things out there which I find creepy or stupid or objectionable but since it doesn't seem to directly hurt anybody I find it difficult for me to say it shouldn't be allowed. I would hate it if people tried to make the video games I enjoy illegal just because they find them to be creepy or objectionable and so I try not to do the same thing to others.

It's difficult for me to give ages because of the whole "maturing at a different age" thing you mentioned. It really depends on the person. On some levels, for instance, I feel like Dakota Fanning is more capable of making her own decisions than Jessica Simpson. I'm half-joking, but you get the point.

A father figure (or significantly older man) doing sexual things with his daughter will always probably be a little creepy to me, but I think it becomes much creepier if the girl is still at the phase where she really looks up to the father as a flawless individual and listens to what he says without question. Basically, if she has yet to reach the phase where she questions authority. It also depends a bit on how much control the father figure has over the girl. If she thinks she has to do what he says or else he'll kick her out of the house and she'll have nowhere to go, then that makes it worse in my book.

As to what should be permissible, I think I tend to side of not meddling in the affairs of others. Unless there is good reason to think that somebody is forcing themselves on somebody else (therefore making it non-consensual and being an action with a clear victim who is being hurt) then it's probably worth intervening. Other than that, though, I tend to think it's probably best to just stay out of other people's business. Some people might think it's best to teach their children about sex at the youngest possible age. Who am I to disagree? Maybe they think the safest thing is for their children to learn by having sex with their parents instead of some random person who might be too rough and have STDs. Hard to argue against that. Heck, I could make a compelling argument that circumcision is a far worse act since you're definitely hurting somebody and disfiguring them for life. Compared to that, sex seems tame.

Does that make sense?