friday
yay i finally have the day off with no school or work.
i slept in today until 12 and it felt sooo good.
i just took a shower and im getting ready to go get my nails done.
i am so frustrated with me and joe.
tonight we made plans to go to a erebus but of course joe wants to change the plans and go hunting.
he just went hunting two weekends ago.
he knows that if he goes im going to be mad....yea stupid i know.
im not going to tell him what to do and if he wants to go he can go.
im just fed up with him always ruining or screwing up plans that we make together.
its like im not important enough to spend time with.
its plain bullshit.
hunting is more important than his own girlfriend. hes going hunting in november for 5 days and leaving me again.
hes always leaving me and doing things on his own...and thats fine but it hurts to always be left in the dust.
he doesnt understand how anything he does affects me and thats selfish.
were in this serious relationship that has been going on for almost 4 years now and things are still petty like this.
i hate when he leaves me for the weekend or blows me off...why do i even put up with it?
i dont want to have another bump in our relationship.
i just wish joe would take my feelings into consideration and feel lucky that he has me.
im so grateful i have him and i love him to death.
i mean it when i say that he is the person i want to marry and spend the rest of my life with.
who knows if that will happen tho....i will not be unhappy and i will not ruin my life just to please him.
i deserve to be happy and i deserve to have a boyfriend that appreciates me and loves me uncondtionally....i used to have that...WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED.
i still have that spark with him when were together and when we kiss but if that enough to save a relationship...im honestly not sure anymore.
i am so attatched to joe and i take our relationship seriously but im am trying so hard to change that.
im going to not make it so serious and im going to pull away. so when he leaves me and dissappoints me i wont be hurt.
i wont set my self up for devastation anymore.
i love him with all my heart.