Mix and Match Challenge by ToraK
My entry for the Mix and Match challenge - and amazingly not even bordering on late!
Rating: Um, R or 15. Maybe.
Pairing: RayK/Fraser
Spoilers: For Victoria's Secret, but you'd never know!
So many thank yous to Janne (the best beta in the history of betas!) all remaining mistakes blame me.
To Run by ToraK
N.B. Title and lyrics from Bruce Springsteen’s Born to Run
By the time he found the fugitive, Ben had nothing but his coat, his rifle, and three sticks of pemmican in his pocket. But he was still a Mountie and he would not return without his man. His father had taught him that at least.
The tracks led to the leeside of a mountain and there, huddled in a crag, he found the person he sought. At first all Ben could see was a shock of blond hair and the back of a black leather coat, woefully inadequate for this type of weather condition.
“Stanley Kowalski?” Ben asked, having found the fugitive’s passport in the wreckage of the plane crash.
“Ray.” The reply was practically inaudible, but still firm.
“I beg your pardon?”
“Ray Kowalski.” The man repeated without looking up.
Ben mentally shrugged. This man could call himself whatever he wanted, but if Ben didn’t get him some shelter, the next time it would matter would be on a death certificate.
“My name is Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police.” He said, climbing carefully over the scree at the base of the mountain to get to Kowalski. “I’m arresting you for armed robbery.”
Kowalski may have shrugged; it may just have been a shiver.
“Do you give me your word that if I don’t handcuff you, you will not try to escape?”
For the first time, Kowalski looked up. His pale blue eyes focused on Ben, holding something between curiosity and challenge. “Where the fuck would I go?” he asked. The words were harsh, but there was no heat in his tone.
Ben dropped the rifle from his shoulder, dug it into a gap between the rocks, staking a lean-to and draping his coat around it. He crouched down beside Kowalski. “We have to wait out the storm.”
The other man nodded, moving - seemingly unconsciously - into Ben’s warmth. Ben put an arm around Kowalski, pulling the edges of the coat more securely around them and prayed this would be enough to keep them both alive. Kowalski mumbled something and pressed himself even closer against Ben’s side, his head lolling slightly against Ben’s shoulder.
“Kowalski!” Ben said sharply. The man didn’t reply. “Stanley! Ray. Ray. Ray.” Ben kept up his litany until Kowalski groaned and lifted his head.
“What?” he asked groggily.
“You need to stay awake. If you sleep you will die.”
“So?” Kowalski muttered, but he blinked and forced himself up a little.
“Why do you go by Ray?” Ben asked, making conversation to keep the man alert.
“My dad had a thing for Brando so he called me Stanley. Stanley Kowalski, you get it? Big joke, ha-de-ha-ha. But me it was always Steve McQueen. ‘Sides, you try doin’ what I do with a name like Stanley, you’d get kicked out of the bank-robbers’ club.” He shuddered. “Fuck, it’s cold.” He muttered, teeth chattering.
“The storm will be over soon,” Ben promised.
Ray nodded. “What’s … what’s it like to die like this?” He asked quietly. “Does it hurt?”
“Ray,” Ben snapped, “You are not going to die.”
Ray’s smile was lopsided. “’Kay.” He mumbled, once more pressing his face into Ben’s neck, “No death. Just a bit of a sleep.”
“No. You have to stay awake.” Ben wrapped Ray tighter in his arms, and rubbed Ray’s gloved hands between his own.
Ray groaned. “Hurts,” he pleaded.
Making up his mind, Ben quickly pulled the leather glove off Ray’s right hand, and urged the long, slender fingers into his mouth. Ray gasped, “Shit that burns,” he protested, but didn’t pull his hand away.
“Talk to me.” Ben ordered, trying to enunciate clearly around the flesh in his mouth. “Tell me about something. Your parents or …”
“My wife,” Ray said quietly. “Stella. All this is for her. When we were kids, back in Chicago, we got mixed up in a bank robbery. Guy called Marcus Ellery took down Chicago Central. He used Stella as a hostage until … well until somethin’ happened to distract him. After it was all over, she didn’t stop talking about him. I thought she was just freaked out and, you know, talkin’ to make sense of it. But then I worked out … she wasn’t scared, she was excited. She thought he was so cool. I wanted her to think I was cool. We started small, but Stella kept wantin’ more. She didn’t want us to be small time, I think she had dreams of some kinda organised crime thing with us in charge. It’s funny,” he shrugged, “I never wanted to be this, I always wanted to be … something else.”
“What?” Ben asked softly, interested despite himself.
Ray turned his head away, “You’ll laugh.”
“I swear I won’t.”
Ray looked at him. “No,” he agreed, “You won’t at that. I … I always wanted to be cop. Like Bullit.”
Ben could find nothing to say to that.
“Do … do you know if they caught her yet?” Ray asked at length.
Ben shook his head, “I don’t believe so.”
Ray closed his eyes briefly, and let his head fall back onto the rock behind. “Good.” He breathed. “She’s … she’s clever. She’ll make sure they don’t find her.” His voice dropped. “She’ll make sure no one can find her, not if she doesn’t want them to.
“This was gonna be our last gig. How’s that for …ironic?” He looked up at Ben as if to check that he had the right word. When Ben nodded, he smiled and Ben could almost believe the sun had come up. “We … I wanted kids. She … Stella wasn’t so keen. Kept saying we couldn’t bring a kid into a life like this. I was scared, I guess, she always wanted more. I was scared she might work out I couldn’t give it to her. So … that’s why this had to be a big one. So we had enough to settle down, start a family. So she wouldn’t be able to say no anymore.”
“Why Alaska?” Ben found he couldn’t stop his curiosity.
“Seemed as good a place as any. We had to leave Chicago. Pissed off the mob. This guy, Vecchio, had a thing for Stella. She … she didn’t discourage him. But she was still mine. I had to fight for her. Vecchio’s powerful though, if they don’t catch her, she’ll go to him. He can give her more than I can.” Ray’s eyes dropped, and Ben found himself marvelling at the length of his eyelashes.
The snow didn’t stop. For a day and a night and a day the storm raged around them. Deep down Ben knew they were dead, dead but still breathing was how Ray put it. Ray fascinated Ben. He was trapped in the middle of nowhere, half frozen, yet his spark was still there, threatening at any moment to turn to flame. They talked about everything and anything. Ray’s mind jumped from topic to topic at such speeds that Ben often found it hard to keep up, but still he tried. He wanted to know everything about Ray and it was that which kept him from succumbing to the sleep that was always on the edge of his consciousness.
Ray told him about his parents who had had to move to Arizona to escape Vecchio, the mafia-boss Ray had annoyed. And in return, though he knew he shouldn’t, Ben told Ray about his family. About his mother and how much her loss still hurt him, about his father and his constant absence, about his grandparents, about Quinn, about Innusiq. Ben talked until he could think of no more to say and Ray listened. He seemed interested.
And when Ben couldn’t go on, Ray shifted their positions so Ben’s head was on his shoulder, and he stroked Ben’s hair and talked to him. Made him answer, made him stay awake. But it got harder as the time dragged on. Ben was safe and content crushed up against Ray like this. He knew it was wrong; the man was a criminal. If they survived this Ben would have to take him in and watch him stand trial, but right now Ben didn’t care. Ben didn’t care much about anything at this moment. He felt … not warm that wasn’t possible … but the next best thing. Safe. And calm. Ray’s hands were gentle, his lips on Ben’s forehead were soft and silky as he spoke and Ben couldn’t remember anybody ever holding him quite like this before.
He let his eyes flutter shut, he was so tired, and so safe.
“Hey! Ben!” Ben started and tried to drag his eyes open. It was too hard, he tried to drift back to the warmth he’d found, but Ray was shaking him. “Fuck it. Ben. Do not die. You are not allowed to fucking die. You’re the only one who knows how to get us out of here. You cannot leave me here on my own.”
“M’ sorry.” Ben managed through lips that were cracked and sore.
“No. Sorry is not good enough. You have to stay awake. Please.”
“Can’t.”
“Yes. You can.” Ray’s hands scrubbed over Ben’s face. It hurt. “Come on, open your eyes, stay with me. Come on please, I need you.”
Ben struggled against the darkness. He gripped Ray’s arm, trying to anchor himself to reality. “Talk to me,” he pleaded.
Ray nodded. He stroked the hair off Ben’s forehead. “‘The highway's jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive, Everybody's out on the run tonight, but there's no place left to hide.’” His voice was soft, but it captivated Ben, made him want to stay awake to listen.
Ben never knew how many times Ray recited that song to him. He couldn’t take in all the words, but some lines stuck, I want to guard your dreams and visions, let me in I wanna be your friend. I wanna die with you on the streets tonight in an everlasting kiss. And he clung to the images they induced.
Finally, the storm broke and they were alive. Ben felt a strange sense of loss as they dismantled their shelter and set off through the snow. Ray made no attempt to escape, but Ben kept a close eye on him anyway. Even when he didn’t plan to, he found they were never more than a few feet apart, and at night when they made camp, they once again slept curled around each other - for warmth he told himself.
After a day they found Ben’s pack and ate everything he had in one meal. Three days later, they came insight of the nearest outpost. Ray squared his shoulders and began to walk forward toward the church steeple they could see in the distance. But Ben stopped him.
“It’s further than it appears.” He said. No, not said. Lied. “We should make camp here tonight and finish the journey tomorrow.”
Ray looked at him, but nodded.
They lit a fire, erected a shelter, and lay down, Ray laying his head on Ben’s shoulder as he had every night previously. But to Ben tonight felt different. He’d always been almost painfully aware of Ray’s closeness, but tonight, he was hyper-aware. Probably because this was the last night they would sleep thus.
Ray put a hand in the centre of Ben’s chest and pushed himself up a little, looking down at Ben, the moonlight illuminating him from behind. “What’s wrong?” He asked softly. “You’re all tense.”
“I…” Ben shook his head.
“I’m not gonna try and escape if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“No!” Ben exclaimed, “That’s not …”
He stopped. This was his last chance, his last night with Ray. He reached up a hand, shaking for a different reason than the cold, and cupped Ray’s cheek. Ray pressed his face into Ben’s palm and the bristles - now way past stubble - tickled strangely.
Their eyes locked. I wanna die with you on the streets tonight, in an everlasting kiss. The words echoed in Ben’s head and he pulled Ray’s mouth down to his.
They made love that night. It was clumsy with nerves, cold and exhaustion, and it was the best sex Ben had ever had. No one had ever touched him the way Ray did. No one had ever touched his soul before.
But as the night threatened to turn into morning, and Ray finally slept, snug against Ben’s side, Ben lay awake, his mind tossing and turning. Eventually, he could stand it no more.
He prodded Ray awake.
Ray’s eyes opened and a soft, sleepy smile lit his face. “Hey,” he whispered reaching up for a kiss.
Ben pressed their mouths together then sat up. “Ray, you have to go.” He said softly.
Ray blinked. “What?”
“You have to go. It will be light soon and then you’ll have no chance of making an escape unnoticed. Fort Providence is only two days walk from here, and from there you can get to Yellowknife. There’s an airport there; you can go anywhere. Arizona perhaps to see your parents.”
Ray blinked again. “But … what?” Suddenly he sat up, so fast Ben had to move quickly to avoid having his nose smashed by Ray’s head. “You think that’s why I did this?” He demanded, waving his arm around the tent, presumably to indicate their sleeping arrangements. “You think I fucked you to get free?”
He tried to stand up, but Ben grabbed his hand and pulled him down, harder than he intended, so Ray’s knees made a bang as they connected with the floor.
“No.” He exclaimed. “Of course not. I just … Ray, all my life people have told me that duty in more important than love. That’s the motto my father lives by not Maintain the Right. And until a week ago I believed it without question. Now I know better and I can’t hand you in. No one knows I’ve found you, they don’t even know your name.”
Ray stared at him. “You’d let me go?”
“Yes, but it has to be now.”
It didn’t take them long to get ready. Ben packed up the tent while Ray pulled on his coat and shoes, then Ben pressed the sleeping bag and blankets into Ray’s hands with a curt “You’ll need them.”
Ben led Ray to a ridge and pointed west-north-west, “Two days in that direction.” He said.
Ray nodded and squared his jaw. “Are you sure?” he asked.
In reply, Ben kissed him, and then sent him on his way.
He turned away almost immediately, unable to watch Ray’s lithe figure as it retreated, leaving him like everyone else he loved did. He sat for a little while in the snow, before pulling himself together and heading down to the small town.
His mind returned constantly to Ray, but Ben couldn’t feel guilty for what he had done. Yes, Ray had committed a crime, but he was not a bad person, everything he had done had been for his wife. Ben knew it was petty and selfish, but he couldn’t help hoping the Alaskan authorities had caught Stella Kowalski by now.
Ben trudged downhill, blinking as the bright sunlight temporarily blinded him. By the time it had passed behind a cloud, he was much closer to town, and a figure sat in the snow a little way in front of him. Ben rubbed his eyes. It had to be a mirage.
He ran to the figure, which stood as he approached.
“I can’t do this.” Ray said, as Ben stopped a metre away from him, staring at him uncomprehendingly. “I can’t run.”
“Ray,” Ben made his way to Ray’s side. “If you don’t they will put you in prison.”
Ray nodded. “I know. But if I run now, I’ll have to run forever. I won’t ever be able to come back. This way, I’ll go to prison, serve my time, and then I’ll be free.”
“Ray…”
Ray held his hand up, blocking what Ben was going to say, “I’m not assuming nothing. I won’t ask you to wait. But this way I have a shot. When I’m free and I come back, you might not have hooked up with anyone, and you might maybe wanna give me a go. And that’s good enough for me. Now,” he turned towards town. “How ‘bout we go hand me in and score you some Mountie-points. You still got those handcuffs?”
Rating: Um, R or 15. Maybe.
Pairing: RayK/Fraser
Spoilers: For Victoria's Secret, but you'd never know!
So many thank yous to Janne (the best beta in the history of betas!) all remaining mistakes blame me.
To Run by ToraK
N.B. Title and lyrics from Bruce Springsteen’s Born to Run
By the time he found the fugitive, Ben had nothing but his coat, his rifle, and three sticks of pemmican in his pocket. But he was still a Mountie and he would not return without his man. His father had taught him that at least.
The tracks led to the leeside of a mountain and there, huddled in a crag, he found the person he sought. At first all Ben could see was a shock of blond hair and the back of a black leather coat, woefully inadequate for this type of weather condition.
“Stanley Kowalski?” Ben asked, having found the fugitive’s passport in the wreckage of the plane crash.
“Ray.” The reply was practically inaudible, but still firm.
“I beg your pardon?”
“Ray Kowalski.” The man repeated without looking up.
Ben mentally shrugged. This man could call himself whatever he wanted, but if Ben didn’t get him some shelter, the next time it would matter would be on a death certificate.
“My name is Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police.” He said, climbing carefully over the scree at the base of the mountain to get to Kowalski. “I’m arresting you for armed robbery.”
Kowalski may have shrugged; it may just have been a shiver.
“Do you give me your word that if I don’t handcuff you, you will not try to escape?”
For the first time, Kowalski looked up. His pale blue eyes focused on Ben, holding something between curiosity and challenge. “Where the fuck would I go?” he asked. The words were harsh, but there was no heat in his tone.
Ben dropped the rifle from his shoulder, dug it into a gap between the rocks, staking a lean-to and draping his coat around it. He crouched down beside Kowalski. “We have to wait out the storm.”
The other man nodded, moving - seemingly unconsciously - into Ben’s warmth. Ben put an arm around Kowalski, pulling the edges of the coat more securely around them and prayed this would be enough to keep them both alive. Kowalski mumbled something and pressed himself even closer against Ben’s side, his head lolling slightly against Ben’s shoulder.
“Kowalski!” Ben said sharply. The man didn’t reply. “Stanley! Ray. Ray. Ray.” Ben kept up his litany until Kowalski groaned and lifted his head.
“What?” he asked groggily.
“You need to stay awake. If you sleep you will die.”
“So?” Kowalski muttered, but he blinked and forced himself up a little.
“Why do you go by Ray?” Ben asked, making conversation to keep the man alert.
“My dad had a thing for Brando so he called me Stanley. Stanley Kowalski, you get it? Big joke, ha-de-ha-ha. But me it was always Steve McQueen. ‘Sides, you try doin’ what I do with a name like Stanley, you’d get kicked out of the bank-robbers’ club.” He shuddered. “Fuck, it’s cold.” He muttered, teeth chattering.
“The storm will be over soon,” Ben promised.
Ray nodded. “What’s … what’s it like to die like this?” He asked quietly. “Does it hurt?”
“Ray,” Ben snapped, “You are not going to die.”
Ray’s smile was lopsided. “’Kay.” He mumbled, once more pressing his face into Ben’s neck, “No death. Just a bit of a sleep.”
“No. You have to stay awake.” Ben wrapped Ray tighter in his arms, and rubbed Ray’s gloved hands between his own.
Ray groaned. “Hurts,” he pleaded.
Making up his mind, Ben quickly pulled the leather glove off Ray’s right hand, and urged the long, slender fingers into his mouth. Ray gasped, “Shit that burns,” he protested, but didn’t pull his hand away.
“Talk to me.” Ben ordered, trying to enunciate clearly around the flesh in his mouth. “Tell me about something. Your parents or …”
“My wife,” Ray said quietly. “Stella. All this is for her. When we were kids, back in Chicago, we got mixed up in a bank robbery. Guy called Marcus Ellery took down Chicago Central. He used Stella as a hostage until … well until somethin’ happened to distract him. After it was all over, she didn’t stop talking about him. I thought she was just freaked out and, you know, talkin’ to make sense of it. But then I worked out … she wasn’t scared, she was excited. She thought he was so cool. I wanted her to think I was cool. We started small, but Stella kept wantin’ more. She didn’t want us to be small time, I think she had dreams of some kinda organised crime thing with us in charge. It’s funny,” he shrugged, “I never wanted to be this, I always wanted to be … something else.”
“What?” Ben asked softly, interested despite himself.
Ray turned his head away, “You’ll laugh.”
“I swear I won’t.”
Ray looked at him. “No,” he agreed, “You won’t at that. I … I always wanted to be cop. Like Bullit.”
Ben could find nothing to say to that.
“Do … do you know if they caught her yet?” Ray asked at length.
Ben shook his head, “I don’t believe so.”
Ray closed his eyes briefly, and let his head fall back onto the rock behind. “Good.” He breathed. “She’s … she’s clever. She’ll make sure they don’t find her.” His voice dropped. “She’ll make sure no one can find her, not if she doesn’t want them to.
“This was gonna be our last gig. How’s that for …ironic?” He looked up at Ben as if to check that he had the right word. When Ben nodded, he smiled and Ben could almost believe the sun had come up. “We … I wanted kids. She … Stella wasn’t so keen. Kept saying we couldn’t bring a kid into a life like this. I was scared, I guess, she always wanted more. I was scared she might work out I couldn’t give it to her. So … that’s why this had to be a big one. So we had enough to settle down, start a family. So she wouldn’t be able to say no anymore.”
“Why Alaska?” Ben found he couldn’t stop his curiosity.
“Seemed as good a place as any. We had to leave Chicago. Pissed off the mob. This guy, Vecchio, had a thing for Stella. She … she didn’t discourage him. But she was still mine. I had to fight for her. Vecchio’s powerful though, if they don’t catch her, she’ll go to him. He can give her more than I can.” Ray’s eyes dropped, and Ben found himself marvelling at the length of his eyelashes.
The snow didn’t stop. For a day and a night and a day the storm raged around them. Deep down Ben knew they were dead, dead but still breathing was how Ray put it. Ray fascinated Ben. He was trapped in the middle of nowhere, half frozen, yet his spark was still there, threatening at any moment to turn to flame. They talked about everything and anything. Ray’s mind jumped from topic to topic at such speeds that Ben often found it hard to keep up, but still he tried. He wanted to know everything about Ray and it was that which kept him from succumbing to the sleep that was always on the edge of his consciousness.
Ray told him about his parents who had had to move to Arizona to escape Vecchio, the mafia-boss Ray had annoyed. And in return, though he knew he shouldn’t, Ben told Ray about his family. About his mother and how much her loss still hurt him, about his father and his constant absence, about his grandparents, about Quinn, about Innusiq. Ben talked until he could think of no more to say and Ray listened. He seemed interested.
And when Ben couldn’t go on, Ray shifted their positions so Ben’s head was on his shoulder, and he stroked Ben’s hair and talked to him. Made him answer, made him stay awake. But it got harder as the time dragged on. Ben was safe and content crushed up against Ray like this. He knew it was wrong; the man was a criminal. If they survived this Ben would have to take him in and watch him stand trial, but right now Ben didn’t care. Ben didn’t care much about anything at this moment. He felt … not warm that wasn’t possible … but the next best thing. Safe. And calm. Ray’s hands were gentle, his lips on Ben’s forehead were soft and silky as he spoke and Ben couldn’t remember anybody ever holding him quite like this before.
He let his eyes flutter shut, he was so tired, and so safe.
“Hey! Ben!” Ben started and tried to drag his eyes open. It was too hard, he tried to drift back to the warmth he’d found, but Ray was shaking him. “Fuck it. Ben. Do not die. You are not allowed to fucking die. You’re the only one who knows how to get us out of here. You cannot leave me here on my own.”
“M’ sorry.” Ben managed through lips that were cracked and sore.
“No. Sorry is not good enough. You have to stay awake. Please.”
“Can’t.”
“Yes. You can.” Ray’s hands scrubbed over Ben’s face. It hurt. “Come on, open your eyes, stay with me. Come on please, I need you.”
Ben struggled against the darkness. He gripped Ray’s arm, trying to anchor himself to reality. “Talk to me,” he pleaded.
Ray nodded. He stroked the hair off Ben’s forehead. “‘The highway's jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive, Everybody's out on the run tonight, but there's no place left to hide.’” His voice was soft, but it captivated Ben, made him want to stay awake to listen.
Ben never knew how many times Ray recited that song to him. He couldn’t take in all the words, but some lines stuck, I want to guard your dreams and visions, let me in I wanna be your friend. I wanna die with you on the streets tonight in an everlasting kiss. And he clung to the images they induced.
Finally, the storm broke and they were alive. Ben felt a strange sense of loss as they dismantled their shelter and set off through the snow. Ray made no attempt to escape, but Ben kept a close eye on him anyway. Even when he didn’t plan to, he found they were never more than a few feet apart, and at night when they made camp, they once again slept curled around each other - for warmth he told himself.
After a day they found Ben’s pack and ate everything he had in one meal. Three days later, they came insight of the nearest outpost. Ray squared his shoulders and began to walk forward toward the church steeple they could see in the distance. But Ben stopped him.
“It’s further than it appears.” He said. No, not said. Lied. “We should make camp here tonight and finish the journey tomorrow.”
Ray looked at him, but nodded.
They lit a fire, erected a shelter, and lay down, Ray laying his head on Ben’s shoulder as he had every night previously. But to Ben tonight felt different. He’d always been almost painfully aware of Ray’s closeness, but tonight, he was hyper-aware. Probably because this was the last night they would sleep thus.
Ray put a hand in the centre of Ben’s chest and pushed himself up a little, looking down at Ben, the moonlight illuminating him from behind. “What’s wrong?” He asked softly. “You’re all tense.”
“I…” Ben shook his head.
“I’m not gonna try and escape if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“No!” Ben exclaimed, “That’s not …”
He stopped. This was his last chance, his last night with Ray. He reached up a hand, shaking for a different reason than the cold, and cupped Ray’s cheek. Ray pressed his face into Ben’s palm and the bristles - now way past stubble - tickled strangely.
Their eyes locked. I wanna die with you on the streets tonight, in an everlasting kiss. The words echoed in Ben’s head and he pulled Ray’s mouth down to his.
They made love that night. It was clumsy with nerves, cold and exhaustion, and it was the best sex Ben had ever had. No one had ever touched him the way Ray did. No one had ever touched his soul before.
But as the night threatened to turn into morning, and Ray finally slept, snug against Ben’s side, Ben lay awake, his mind tossing and turning. Eventually, he could stand it no more.
He prodded Ray awake.
Ray’s eyes opened and a soft, sleepy smile lit his face. “Hey,” he whispered reaching up for a kiss.
Ben pressed their mouths together then sat up. “Ray, you have to go.” He said softly.
Ray blinked. “What?”
“You have to go. It will be light soon and then you’ll have no chance of making an escape unnoticed. Fort Providence is only two days walk from here, and from there you can get to Yellowknife. There’s an airport there; you can go anywhere. Arizona perhaps to see your parents.”
Ray blinked again. “But … what?” Suddenly he sat up, so fast Ben had to move quickly to avoid having his nose smashed by Ray’s head. “You think that’s why I did this?” He demanded, waving his arm around the tent, presumably to indicate their sleeping arrangements. “You think I fucked you to get free?”
He tried to stand up, but Ben grabbed his hand and pulled him down, harder than he intended, so Ray’s knees made a bang as they connected with the floor.
“No.” He exclaimed. “Of course not. I just … Ray, all my life people have told me that duty in more important than love. That’s the motto my father lives by not Maintain the Right. And until a week ago I believed it without question. Now I know better and I can’t hand you in. No one knows I’ve found you, they don’t even know your name.”
Ray stared at him. “You’d let me go?”
“Yes, but it has to be now.”
It didn’t take them long to get ready. Ben packed up the tent while Ray pulled on his coat and shoes, then Ben pressed the sleeping bag and blankets into Ray’s hands with a curt “You’ll need them.”
Ben led Ray to a ridge and pointed west-north-west, “Two days in that direction.” He said.
Ray nodded and squared his jaw. “Are you sure?” he asked.
In reply, Ben kissed him, and then sent him on his way.
He turned away almost immediately, unable to watch Ray’s lithe figure as it retreated, leaving him like everyone else he loved did. He sat for a little while in the snow, before pulling himself together and heading down to the small town.
His mind returned constantly to Ray, but Ben couldn’t feel guilty for what he had done. Yes, Ray had committed a crime, but he was not a bad person, everything he had done had been for his wife. Ben knew it was petty and selfish, but he couldn’t help hoping the Alaskan authorities had caught Stella Kowalski by now.
Ben trudged downhill, blinking as the bright sunlight temporarily blinded him. By the time it had passed behind a cloud, he was much closer to town, and a figure sat in the snow a little way in front of him. Ben rubbed his eyes. It had to be a mirage.
He ran to the figure, which stood as he approached.
“I can’t do this.” Ray said, as Ben stopped a metre away from him, staring at him uncomprehendingly. “I can’t run.”
“Ray,” Ben made his way to Ray’s side. “If you don’t they will put you in prison.”
Ray nodded. “I know. But if I run now, I’ll have to run forever. I won’t ever be able to come back. This way, I’ll go to prison, serve my time, and then I’ll be free.”
“Ray…”
Ray held his hand up, blocking what Ben was going to say, “I’m not assuming nothing. I won’t ask you to wait. But this way I have a shot. When I’m free and I come back, you might not have hooked up with anyone, and you might maybe wanna give me a go. And that’s good enough for me. Now,” he turned towards town. “How ‘bout we go hand me in and score you some Mountie-points. You still got those handcuffs?”