Many Tongues, part deux
Ok. this is not really quite finished, but part of what i think can become a longer piece if i get the nerve up to try. My other Speaking in Tongue could be considered maybe the end -- i just now need to see if the middle is worth it.
and i'm in the midst of driving to and from a conference, so if i don't post replies quickly, i'm not being rude
Que Sera Sera
Que sera sera
Benton Fraser’s emotions were, from his perspective, out of control. One the one hand, he had just shared what was, he was certain, a final goodbye to his parents just days ago. He could not share his tender goodbye with anyone, since both parents had been dead for years. He felt the loss keenly, but he was not sad or grieving. In many ways, he felt a sense of closure that was oddly comforting.
On the other hand, he was grinning like an idiot. Now that the Muldoon affair was, for the moment, completed, he could relish being home. Ray had stayed with him at Sergeant Frobisher’s post for the several days it took to dispatch Muldoon. He had talked Ray into “playing in the snow” as Ray was wont to call it. He had not played with such abandon since he was a child, if even then. Dogsled rides, snow ball fights, hiking - Ray had agreed to it all and seemed to revel in it.
Benton was also coming to realize that he was more than reluctant to let Ray go. He had for some time put aside his deeper feelings for his partner. Somehow, during these past few highly charged days, those feelings that had simmered in the back of his mind were threatening to quickly boil over. Ray and he had danced around the issue of who would return to Chicago and when that would be. For the time being, Benton hoped he could control his roiling emotions.
Ray had badgered Benton into taking this opportunity to go on the adventure Ray had discussed while they were trapped in the fissure. Ray wanted to see Benton’s cabin, spend more time learning how to work the dog sled, and then search out Franklin’s hand. Benton, pleased to have the opportunity to have Ray to himself and uneasy about what all that time alone with Ray would do to his already jumbled emotions, had agreed with alacrity.
So today, they were leaving Frobisher’s post and traveling to the cabin to begin the preparations for their adventure. As Ray literally bounced around the tent as he gathered the last of his meager possessions, Benton heard Ray humming and singing snatches of a familiar song. He could not place the song, although it was one he associated for some reason with his mother.
“Ray. Ray. Ray. Ray. Ray.” Benton’s voice had risen in pitch with each utterance.
“Yeah, Fraser? Heard you the first time. I’m thinking about going for the record while we’re on this trip. How many Ray’s before you actually burst.” This was accompanied by that wicked grin and wink combination that caused Benton’s stomach to tighten and flutter.
“That song you were humming. It sounds familiar. What is it?” Benton asked.
“Oh, a Doris Day song my dad loved. Que Sera Sera. Kowalski vacations weren’t like other families. We didn’t go someplace planned, like head out to the Grand Canyon or the Dells. We’d pile in the car with stuff for any and everything - beach, mountains, historical crap … my dad would start the car and he’d start singing - Que sera sera. What will be will be… Then at every intersection he and Mum would flip a coin to see which direction we’d go. So we never knew where we’d end up. Dad always said we’d vacation where we were meant to go - what will be will be. I guess I had that memory inside bursting to get out as we start our vacation.”
Benton smiled as he listened to Ray share the story. Such a different approach than his own grandparents would have taken, if they had ever taken a vacation. But it fit for Ray. “I would suppose there is a bit of ‘what will be will be’ in our own search for Franklin. However, we need to plan a bit more prudently than your parents did for our own adventure. There will be no flipping coins to determine where we go. Just so you are prepared for that, Ray.” Benton knew Ray interpreted his words and tone correctly when Ray grinned and winked at him again. Benton stood straight, imposing the discipline he learned while standing guard duty at the Consulate so that his knees did no buckle in response to that grin.
As they traveled to the cabin on the dog sled, Benton heard Ray sing snatches of the song all day long. In fact, he strained to hear Ray over the wind and the dogs, for Ray seemed to be singing a particular refrain from the song over and over, “When I grew up and fell in love, I asked my lover, what lies ahead. Will we have rainbows day after day, here’s what my lover said. Que sera sera…”
As Benton listened to Ray’s ebullient singing, he determined to ask Ray about the significance of that specific verse. Was it possible Ray might be interested in changing their relationship? Or was he just reliving his childhood vacations? Perhaps his parents had identified with that section of the song.
Finally, after a long day in the sled, the cabin appeared. Benton began a mental list of all the chores that needed to be completed immediately in order to make the cabin livable. It had been several hours since their last break and Benton knew Ray would be stiff. He offered Ray his hand to pull Ray up. Ray took it and stumbled out of the sled. Benton suddenly had an armful of Ray.
“It’s just us now Fraser-no, Benton. Just us. Que sere sera.”
Benton was unable to translate Ray’s words into a meaningful whole before Ray’s lips landed on his own. Benton’s initial shock was quickly overcome and he joined Ray fully in the kiss.
The dogs began barking as Diefenbaker began to whine. Benton pulled away with reluctance, making sure Ray was steady to stand on his own. “But… I… You… What…,” stuttered Benton, licking his lips between each word as if trying to recapture the kiss.
“Can’t believe I left the Mountie speechless. What will be will be greatness. Let’s get settled. You don’t want to leave Canada. I don’t want to leave you. My adventure isn’t about finding the Hand of Franklin, though that’d be cool. My adventure is finding you.” Ray responded confidently.
Benton continued to lick his lips as Ray responded. Diefenbaker’s howl of annoyance finally penetrated. “Right you are, Ray. Let’s dispatch the chores we need to complete to make the cabin habitable, and we can continue this … discussion…”
For the third time that day, Benton received the wink/grin combination. But this time, rather than stifling his response, he pulled Ray back to him. “But I think I need sustenance to see me through these chores.”
and i'm in the midst of driving to and from a conference, so if i don't post replies quickly, i'm not being rude
Que Sera Sera
Que sera sera
Benton Fraser’s emotions were, from his perspective, out of control. One the one hand, he had just shared what was, he was certain, a final goodbye to his parents just days ago. He could not share his tender goodbye with anyone, since both parents had been dead for years. He felt the loss keenly, but he was not sad or grieving. In many ways, he felt a sense of closure that was oddly comforting.
On the other hand, he was grinning like an idiot. Now that the Muldoon affair was, for the moment, completed, he could relish being home. Ray had stayed with him at Sergeant Frobisher’s post for the several days it took to dispatch Muldoon. He had talked Ray into “playing in the snow” as Ray was wont to call it. He had not played with such abandon since he was a child, if even then. Dogsled rides, snow ball fights, hiking - Ray had agreed to it all and seemed to revel in it.
Benton was also coming to realize that he was more than reluctant to let Ray go. He had for some time put aside his deeper feelings for his partner. Somehow, during these past few highly charged days, those feelings that had simmered in the back of his mind were threatening to quickly boil over. Ray and he had danced around the issue of who would return to Chicago and when that would be. For the time being, Benton hoped he could control his roiling emotions.
Ray had badgered Benton into taking this opportunity to go on the adventure Ray had discussed while they were trapped in the fissure. Ray wanted to see Benton’s cabin, spend more time learning how to work the dog sled, and then search out Franklin’s hand. Benton, pleased to have the opportunity to have Ray to himself and uneasy about what all that time alone with Ray would do to his already jumbled emotions, had agreed with alacrity.
So today, they were leaving Frobisher’s post and traveling to the cabin to begin the preparations for their adventure. As Ray literally bounced around the tent as he gathered the last of his meager possessions, Benton heard Ray humming and singing snatches of a familiar song. He could not place the song, although it was one he associated for some reason with his mother.
“Ray. Ray. Ray. Ray. Ray.” Benton’s voice had risen in pitch with each utterance.
“Yeah, Fraser? Heard you the first time. I’m thinking about going for the record while we’re on this trip. How many Ray’s before you actually burst.” This was accompanied by that wicked grin and wink combination that caused Benton’s stomach to tighten and flutter.
“That song you were humming. It sounds familiar. What is it?” Benton asked.
“Oh, a Doris Day song my dad loved. Que Sera Sera. Kowalski vacations weren’t like other families. We didn’t go someplace planned, like head out to the Grand Canyon or the Dells. We’d pile in the car with stuff for any and everything - beach, mountains, historical crap … my dad would start the car and he’d start singing - Que sera sera. What will be will be… Then at every intersection he and Mum would flip a coin to see which direction we’d go. So we never knew where we’d end up. Dad always said we’d vacation where we were meant to go - what will be will be. I guess I had that memory inside bursting to get out as we start our vacation.”
Benton smiled as he listened to Ray share the story. Such a different approach than his own grandparents would have taken, if they had ever taken a vacation. But it fit for Ray. “I would suppose there is a bit of ‘what will be will be’ in our own search for Franklin. However, we need to plan a bit more prudently than your parents did for our own adventure. There will be no flipping coins to determine where we go. Just so you are prepared for that, Ray.” Benton knew Ray interpreted his words and tone correctly when Ray grinned and winked at him again. Benton stood straight, imposing the discipline he learned while standing guard duty at the Consulate so that his knees did no buckle in response to that grin.
As they traveled to the cabin on the dog sled, Benton heard Ray sing snatches of the song all day long. In fact, he strained to hear Ray over the wind and the dogs, for Ray seemed to be singing a particular refrain from the song over and over, “When I grew up and fell in love, I asked my lover, what lies ahead. Will we have rainbows day after day, here’s what my lover said. Que sera sera…”
As Benton listened to Ray’s ebullient singing, he determined to ask Ray about the significance of that specific verse. Was it possible Ray might be interested in changing their relationship? Or was he just reliving his childhood vacations? Perhaps his parents had identified with that section of the song.
Finally, after a long day in the sled, the cabin appeared. Benton began a mental list of all the chores that needed to be completed immediately in order to make the cabin livable. It had been several hours since their last break and Benton knew Ray would be stiff. He offered Ray his hand to pull Ray up. Ray took it and stumbled out of the sled. Benton suddenly had an armful of Ray.
“It’s just us now Fraser-no, Benton. Just us. Que sere sera.”
Benton was unable to translate Ray’s words into a meaningful whole before Ray’s lips landed on his own. Benton’s initial shock was quickly overcome and he joined Ray fully in the kiss.
The dogs began barking as Diefenbaker began to whine. Benton pulled away with reluctance, making sure Ray was steady to stand on his own. “But… I… You… What…,” stuttered Benton, licking his lips between each word as if trying to recapture the kiss.
“Can’t believe I left the Mountie speechless. What will be will be greatness. Let’s get settled. You don’t want to leave Canada. I don’t want to leave you. My adventure isn’t about finding the Hand of Franklin, though that’d be cool. My adventure is finding you.” Ray responded confidently.
Benton continued to lick his lips as Ray responded. Diefenbaker’s howl of annoyance finally penetrated. “Right you are, Ray. Let’s dispatch the chores we need to complete to make the cabin habitable, and we can continue this … discussion…”
For the third time that day, Benton received the wink/grin combination. But this time, rather than stifling his response, he pulled Ray back to him. “But I think I need sustenance to see me through these chores.”