The Breath that Passed from You to Me (6/?)
I was ready to publish this chapter after one more round of editing but for some reason, inspiration struck. This new version of chapter six is now almost double the length of the original chapter so I hope you enjoy it =)
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or it's characters. I'm just playing with them for a while. Any and all mistakes are mine.
Warning: It's a bit faster paced than the other chapters. It also gets a bit (ok A LOT) angsty at the end. I'm still feeling frustrated with how the characters are being treated on the show so it carried over into my writing XD
Word Count: 2571
After recovering from the shock of Karev giving him relationship advice, and that he actually let him leave the elevator unscathed, Mark left the hospital in search of Lexie.
As he briskly walked out of the elevator, he realized that as painful as it was merely talking to Lexie (or not talking as the case was,) he felt more alive just being in the same space with her then he ever does anywhere else. When he's around her, his heart beats a little bit harder. His blood races a little bit faster. It's like he's been living his life in black and white until Lexie shoved her way into his hotel room and his heart; thrusting a barrage of color onto the canvas of his world.
Everyone was right. Ignoring her wasn't going to fix him. It wasn't beneficial in any way.
Mark burst out of the hospital and jumped into his convertible, ignoring the glares and outcries of the people he accidentally bumped into as he ran past them. As he started his car, he mentally listed all the places Lexie might have gone before peeling out of the hospital's parking lot.
Breaking a few speeding laws as he went.
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Brushing back a stray piece of hair behind her ear, Lexie wiped the few tears that graced her cheek. She looked down at the grave marker and felt a rushing sense of loneliness; a feeling that was multiplied when she looked back at the object in her hand. At first, she had thought it was just a random spare key but then she noticed the small 'L' she had scratched on the flat surface of the key not so long ago. This key served as a reminder of a happier time in her life...a time she sorely missed with her entire being.
When she had found it in his leather jacket earlier, a rare sliver of hope flashed through her core. There must have been a reason Mark was still carrying it around with him and she desperately hoped that it was because he missed her as much as she missed him. But after seeing the way he was treating her today, she had no idea what to think anymore. There were so many mixed signals and it was driving her insane.
"I've been looking for you everywhere," a deep voice said from behind her. Lexie jumped and the key fell from her hands onto the ground as she spun around. There, standing a couple feet away from her, was Mark with what looked like a relieved expression on his face...like he was glad to have finally found her. Something else to add to the growing list of mixed signals.
Lexie warily watched as he walked towards her, almost hesitantly, like a predator approaching his prey. Or maybe he thought she was going to burst into tears again. She could feel herself turning red as she remembered running out of the elevator a mere one hour earlier; shooting out of that elevator like there were dogs chasing her heels. She had promised herself that she would never let him see how badly she was hurting. Great job she was doing so far.
Although it didn't surprise her that he would know where to find her, the fact that he came after her confused her to the highest degree. The last thing she ever expected was to see him here, standing in front of her in a dark and deserted cemetery.
"I could say the same for you." She responded, referring to the way he had been acting like a living ghost the entire day.
Mark stayed silent but she was pleased to see that he at least had the sense to look slightly ashamed. Maybe there was some hope for him yet.
"What are you doing here Mark?" She asked.
Mark shoved his hands into his pockets and shrugged, "I was worried about you." He said this while looking away from her, like he was ashamed to admit feeling worried for her. Lexie stayed silent at his admission but her heart warmed slightly at his concern. It was moments like these that she could see the man she had fallen in love with underneath that rough (and sometimes immature) exterior.
Noticing that she wasn't going to speak, he cleared his throat and nodded at the headstone in front of her. "I would have been here sooner but I had gone to your mom's grave first."
"I already visited my mom. I came here because no one else visits him." Lexie pointed to the lack of flowers on the grave. "Ever since he died, it's like he never existed" she said with a sad tone.
"None of this should have happened," she suddenly thought out loud. "George wasn't supposed to die. Izzie wasn't supposed to disappear-"
"We weren't supposed to break up" Mark interrupted with a soft voice. Lexie watched as he picked up a blade of grass and ripped it into pieces.
"But they did happen. George did die. Izzie did leave...we did break up," she added in a low voice, willing him to look at her but he was making it a point to look in every direction but hers.
When he still refused to look at her, Lexie closed the distance between them and placed her hand on his face. Something inside of her, that ingrained sense of nurturing, compelled her to touch him. Hearing that dejected tone in his voice had stirred the need to comfort him. She almost expected him to back away from her but he stayed still. Almost as if he was trying to prove to himself that he was stronger than her. When she felt his jaw tense underneath her fingers, Lexie could see the strain her touch was causing him. Her own hand was burning from the invisible heat always present between them. But still, he refused to look at her.
Lexie raised her other hand and held his face between her palms. She turned his face so that he would have no choice but to look at her but he just closed his eyes.
"Mark. Please."
The begging sound in her voice caused Mark to open his eyes. He reluctantly raised his electric blue eyes up to meet her warm chocolate ones. What seemed like a million emotions began to flutter across his face as she stared into it. Pain, anger, sadness...they were all there. But the one emotion that stood out above all the rest, was that unmistakable look of adoration he always seemed to express when he looked at her. The look that always reinforced what they had was real and true.
Without a second thought, Lexie stood on her toes and placed a soft kiss at the corner of his mouth. When she pulled back, he was looking at her strangely. They stood for a moment, almost as if they were stunned by the small intimate kiss. That was the closest their lips have been in what seemed like a lifetime and by the heated look that was now on his face, Lexie knew that that was something he wanted to remedy.
His hands grabbed the open edges of the leather jacket she was still wearing and with a quick pull, Mark brought Lexie flush against his body. His lips roughly pushed against hers and Lexie softly moaned as his entire being invaded her senses. After a moment, their lips were suddenly giving and taking with an intensity Lexie had never felt before. It was as if something inside of her clicked into place with the touch of his lips to hers. This would always be the place she wanted to be. Always with him.
Their lips momentarily parted when the need for oxygen became too much. Mark rested his forehead against hers and she closed her eyes in contentment.
"I missed this. I missed you" he whispered softly.
She had longed to hear those words for so long. "I missed you too."
They both held each other tightly as they tried to regain their breaths.
"I forgive you" he said, whispering the words softly across her face.
Her eyes flew open and a mixture of anger and sadness suddenly flooded her body. A broken sob left her mouth as she pulled away from him; an instant cold emptiness crashing over her when she did. It took her a moment to reign her feelings back in before she could face him again.
"You forgive me?" Lexie repeated in disbelief. She could feel the tears forming behind her eyes but she willed herself not to cry.
Mark took a couple steps in her direction, ignoring her looks of warning. "Yeah." The sudden change in her mood was obviously confusing him. "What's wrong?"
The fact that he had no idea why his words bothered her, was infuriating. It caused a small part of her long to see him in pain. To inflict some sort of violence on him. To see him punished for the way he's been punishing her and making her feel invisible and unwanted. So she did the first thing that came to mind. She shoved him.
Mark uncharacteristically stumbled backward and gave her a look of surprise. "What the hell Lexie." The only answer she gave him was another push. When he saw her move to give him a third shove, he trapped her wrists in his hands.
"Lexie!"
"Let go of me!" she yelled while struggling to get out of his grasp.
Mark let her go and was immediately rewarded when she punched him.
"Ow!" he exclaimed while rubbing his arm.
Lexie continued to punch him "You are such a hypocrite. A sexist, hypocritical asshole!"
"What are you talking about?"
"You can't just kiss me like that and expect me to forget everything. You can't just ignore me for days and then tell me you miss me!"
"But I did-I do miss you Lexie." Mark said in a confused voice.
"You...you are such an asshole." She reiterated.
"Lexie, I don't understand."
"Because apparently I'm the only one who made a mistake here. I'm the only one that needs forgiveness" she spat the word back at him.
Frustration crossed his face. "You broke up with me remember!?"
"So what? That doesn't mean I'm responsible for everything that happened before or after."
"You left me Lexie. I didn't force you to break up with me. You decided that all on your own." There was now anger in his voice as well.
"I thought we already went over this. You gave me no choice Mark. You decided all on your own," she said, throwing his words back at him, "to invite your pregnant teenage daughter to move in with us without talking to me about it...when I was just getting used to the idea of moving in myself. I wasn't ready for that."
By the look on his face, she could tell that what she just said had hurt him.
"If you weren't ready to move in with me, why did you?" he said in a low voice.
"Because I loved you and wanted to make you happy."
"I thought you were happy living with me" Lexie tried to ignore the childlike pain in his voice.
"For a while, I was. But then Sloan showed up and you started ignoring me. You started making decisions without me."
"I thought you would be proud of me. I thought you would be there by my side and support me."
"That's the problem. You thought. You never asked me how I was feeling. You didn't ask me for any input in our relationship. While I was there for you, you weren't there for me. You ignored me and pushed me aside."
"It isn't just about you Lexie." Mark pinched the bridge of his nose. "Addison was right. You are a child."
As soon as those words left his mouth, Lexie felt like someone had sucker punched her in the gut. And even though the look on his face showed regret for having said those words out loud, they were still out there...and they hurt like hell.
"You spoke to Addison about me? About us?" came her pained question. She could tell that he was starting to feel panicked. Deciphering his facial expressions was a talent she had become well practiced in.
"This was after we broke up," Mark was quick to point out. He seemed to love playing the 'breakup card' when it came to his actions post-breakup.
Lexie crossed her arms over her chest, "So did you have this conversation before or after you slept with Addison?"
Mark clenched his jaw before answering in a clipped tone, "After."
Lexie felt like throwing up. Not only had he slept with a woman he used to be in love with, but he had discussed their relationship with her in post-coital bliss.
"I can't do this anymore" she said, throwing her hands up.
"What do you mean?" He asked, worry coloring his words.
"I can't be the only one at fault here. I thought that maybe you showing up tonight was you finally realizing that you were also wrong. That you wanted to find a way to make us work."
"I do want to make us work" Mark said, moving closer.
She held her hands up to halt his movement towards her. "Stop."
They stood in silence as she quickly tried to gather her chaotic thoughts. "Just...leave me alone. I need time to think."
Lexie turned away from him and started to slowly make her journey away from him.
"I love you." His voice was barely a whisper but she still heard it.
The words caused something inside of her to shatter and for the second time that night, Lexie ran away from him in tears.
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For the second time, Mark watched Lexie run away from him crying. The only difference this time was that he wasn't going to go after her. The look on her face and the tone in her voice had made it perfectly clear that she wanted nothing to do with him right now. Even if he did ignore those signs and went after her, he would have no idea what to say to her if he did.
When he had kissed her earlier, everything seemed to click into place. Like all was finally right in his world...and by the way she reciprocated the kiss, he knew she had felt it too. He thought that by saying he forgave her, they could go back to the way things used to be. That they could once again go back to being the best versions of themselves together. But after seeing her reaction to his forgiveness, there was something he was still obviously missing.
Mark rubbed a tired hand over his face. There was definitely something he wasn't getting but he was too exhausted to try and figure it out now. There was a bottle of some expensive bourbon in his apartment, waiting to escort him into oblivion.
As he turned to leave the cemetery, a glint of silver caught his eye. Lexie must have dropped it when he startled her earlier.
Mark bent down and his heart sank when he held the object in his hand. It was Lexie's key to his apartment.
Yes, oblivion seemed perfect right about now.
Please review! =D