The Breath that Passed from You to Me (3/?)
Rating: M
Word Count: 2867
Summary: Takes place after Mark and Lexie's very short, very unsatisfying, conversation/fight/whatever at the end of 6x12.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Author's Note: Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I accidentally injured my left hand cleaning my stove (weird I know) and I couldn't type without being in pain. Here is Chapter 3, which surprised me by being pretty long with about 2867 words. I'm also working on the next chapter of Nothing Else Matters , so look out for that soon =D
And I want to thank everyone for the reviews and the favorites and the story alerts! You guys are awesome!
Mark pulled the collar of his leather jacket up around his neck as a cold wind suddenly breezed past him. He was thankful that it was one of those rare nights that wasn't plagued with rain. He had been walking around for about two hours before his anger finally simmered down to a slow boil. He wasn’t seeing through a red haze like he was before; instead, the anger was just resting under his skin where he had the smallest amount of control over it. But even that small control felt tenuous.
His own rage and earlier display of violence surprised him. Sure, he’s been angry before but never at that level; a rage so intense it was like something was possessing him. Something that wanted nothing more than to inflict pain on everyone and everything. To do something to release the pain and torment inside of him.
Nobody ever told him that loving someone would hurt this much. Love was supposed to be this wonderful, happy thing. Something that made you want to burst out in song or make your soul fly...at least that's what all the inane chick flicks promised. It wasn't supposed to make him feel like bashing his head against a wall until he could no longer think...until he could no longer feel. Ever since she cut him out of her life, everything was just falling apart around him. It was all turning to shit and he didn't know how to stop it.
Mark groaned as his hand started to pulse in pain and opened and closed his hand in order to assess the damage. Even in his semi-drunk state, he could tell that his hand wasn't broken. At least there was that silver lining. He flexed his hand again and realized that this was the second time he's punched someone for her. Twice he's risked losing everything he's worked so hard to get...for her. He fought hard for Lexie; fought harder for her than he's ever fought for anything in his life. At last, he thought, he had someone that was his. Someone that he loved and that loved him back. Now look at him; left with nothing and no one.
Why did she have to come to his hotel room? Why did she have to put him back together and make him long for things he never thought he could have?
Mark stopped walking and closed his eyes as the pain washed over him again.
Why did she have to make him love her?
Because he did love her. He still does. If he didn't know anything else, he did know that. As much as he tried not to and as much as he tried to fight it, she was still able to ambush her way into his heart. That's what hurt so much; for the first time in his life, he went to Denver. For the first time, he finally let someone in all the way and she broke his heart.
Mark opened his eyes and was momentarily stunned with what was in front of him. Without realizing it, his walk had led him straight to the front of Meredith’s house...well, Meredith and Derek’s house. Seeing a light on, he figured Derek was home so he lifted his hand to knock but then hesitated.
Firstly, he didn’t want to see sickening displays of affection between the two newlyweds. Ever since they "got married" with a post-it note, Derek and Meredith seemed to have no problems. They were like the poster couple for happy and healthy relationships, which struck him as ironic considering their collective past.
The second reason he didn’t want to enter the house was because there was a good chance Lexie was inside.
When he had gotten back from L.A., the first thing he noticed was the empty space in his apartment. Lexie’s clothes were gone from the drawers and the closets. For so long, he had been surrounded by her things that he felt an unexpected pain when he noticed that even her toothbrush was gone. A panic came over him as he then searched the entire apartment for some sign that she had lived there. After an hour of searching, the only item he was able to find was her key to the apartment on the kitchen counter.
Standing in front of Meredith's door, Mark stuffed his hand in his pocket and removed the key inside of it. For days that key never left his pocket and if someone were to ask him why he carried it, he would simply tell them it was a spare key. But he knew that the only reason he still carried it was because it was the last thing Lexie touched before she left the apartment...before she left his life. Mark remembered that first day Lexie moved in to his apartment.
---
The corner's of Mark's mouth lifted slightly at the sight of Lexie unexpectedly showing up at his door.
"Hey" he said softly.
Lexie merely just smiled and raised her hands, one holding a green toothbrush and the other holding up a pair of black silk panties. As she lowered the items into his outstretched hand with a sigh and a smile, Mark felt euphoric. Lexie was moving in with him.
Mark opened the door wider and moved out of the way as she rolled her big suitcase into the apartment, both of them sharing a brief laugh.
Lexie came to a stop in the middle of the living room and turned back to face him. "So where do I put this?" Lexie asked a little self-consciously.
Mark stared at her momentarily. Seeing her now, standing in his apartment with a whole bunch of her stuff made him realize how empty his apartment was before she came in. This whole situation just felt so right somehow.
Mark walked over to her and grabbed the handle of her suitcase. He then wordlessly rolled it into his bedroom. Lexie followed him into the room and smiled. There were clothes strewn everywhere and unopened boxes stacked in a corner.
"I see you haven't unpacked yet" Lexie said with a laugh.
Mark laughed as he rubbed the back of his neck. "I was kind of hoping we could do that together."
Lexie folded her arms across her chest and tilted her head to the side. "You knew I was going to cave didn't you?"
Mark shrugged "Hoped was more like it."
He watched as she looked at the messy room and then back at her suitcase. When she bit her lip, he knew that she was having second thoughts about this. Mark slowly walked over to her and placed both of his hands on her upper arms. When she still didn't look at him, Mark placed a hand under her chin and lifted her face up. His heart skipped a beat as he saw the worry and doubt in her brown eyes.
"This is going to work Lexie."
Lexie sighed, "How can you know that?"
"I just do Lexie."
When he saw that she was going to need a bit more, he uncharacteristically opened up.
"You know why I didn't unpack?" Mark asked.
"Because you're lazy?" Lexie offered with a teasing smile, which Mark returned.
"Cute but no. I didn't unpack because I wanted us to unpack our stuff together. When I bought this apartment, I wanted it to be ours. I wanted to fight over who got the control or which side of the bed we slept on." Mark moved his hand from her chin and cupped the side of her face; lazily rubbing circles on her cheek with his thumb.
"Lexie, I've been alone for thirty eight years; sometimes by circumstance but mostly by choice. There was never anyone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with...until now. For the first time in my life, I want to take the next step. I want to take the next step with you Lexie." Even though everything he said was true, Mark couldn't help but feel a little worried that he said too much. That old instinctual habit of keeping everything so tightly bound to himself was a hard habit to break. But he knew that if he wanted Lexie to stay, he was going to have to let her in more then he's ever had before.
"What about Addison?" she asked hesitantly. Addison was usually a topic they stayed clear of but Lexie needed to know, just to be safe.
Mark sighed and briefly looked away from her before meeting her eyes again. "I'm not going to lie, I loved her. And after Derek left, I thought we were finally going to be together." Mark took a breath, "But it wasn't real. She was in love with someone else and I was in love with an illusion. The only reason we lasted as long as we did was because she knew no one else wanted her."
They both stared at each other as Mark waited for Lexie to speak.
"How do you know that the same thing won't happen to us?" Lexie said silently, almost as if she was afraid of his answer.
"Because during the entire time Addison and I were together, I never felt like how I feel when I'm with you" Mark admitted.
"And how's that?" she said softly.
"Like I'm worth it" he said with a playful smile. Lexie laughed briefly as a tear rolled down her cheek.
Mark quickly brushed it away with his thumb before continuing, "When you look at me Lexie, I feel wanted. Not for sex and not for money...but for me. Like me being in your life makes it better."
"You do make it better" Lexie supplied with caring eyes. That one look reinforced everything Mark knew. Little Lexie Grey was it for him.
Mark's face turned unbearably soft as he looked into Lexie's eyes, "I love you Lexie" he whispered, "I love you like I've never loved anyone or anything before."
Lexie gasped softly. It was the first time either of them had said the "L word" out loud.
They stood in silence as his words hung in the air; their breaths the only sound in the room.
"You don't have to say-" He started when Lexie placed a finger on his lips. Then bringing her hands up to cradle his face, Lexie stood on her toes and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. The kind of kiss that was heartbreakingly sweet and loving and that said everything they were feeling without words. Mark moaned softly before tightly wrapping his arms around her body. This was the kind of kiss that made him never want to move from this spot for the rest of his life.
---
Mark's breath stilled when he remembered how later that night, after christening their new bed, Lexie breathed the words "I love you too" into his hair as she held his head sweetly against her chest.
The thought of no longer coming home to Lexie filled him with a sorrow he never thought himself capable of feeling. He couldn’t even remember who he used to be before Lexie came into his life. She had wormed her way into his heart and changed him; leaving her mark on him for everyone to see.
“He broke Alex’s nose?!” came Meredith’s shocked voice, suddenly snapping Mark back into reality.
“It was like he was possessed. I’ve never seen him so angry before” Derek’s voice replied.
Mark was still standing with his raised fist when he overheard Derek and Meredith's voices. Even though he didn’t really want to hear people talking about him, his curiosity got the better of him. He crept closer to the side of the house where he noticed an open window; the shadows of the house wrapping around him.
“You should have seen Lexie. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so upset. Or drunk.” Meredith said.
Mark’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. Lexie never gets drunk. Seeing her father moments from dying of liver failure caused Lexie to have an aversion to drinking. His heart momentarily clenched in worry before he pushed it away. Lexie in pain was good right? He wanted her to feel as badly as he did. But even so, why did the thought of Lexie in pain cause him to feel sick inside?
“Where is she anyway?” Derek’s inquiring voice asked.
“I tried to bring her upstairs by myself but after she fell the second time, I decided to just leave her on the couch. I left the garbage pail and a couple aspirin by her side.”
Mark could hear Derek’s stifled laughter. “Since when did you become so caring?”
Meredith’s voice laughed “I blame you...making me grow and evolve.”
“I think there's something else that’s growing and evolving” came Derek’s husky tone.
Their voices began to grow deeper and more hushed and Mark knew he didn’t want to hear anymore. He waited patiently until Derek and Meredith’s voices drifted upstairs. When he heard the bedroom door slam, Mark quietly stepped out of the shadows. He didn’t mean to look in the front window but he figured he was always a glutton for punishment so why stop now?
When he looked in, there was Lexie passed out on the couch just like Meredith said. She was facing the back of the couch so he could only see the back of her body. He watched the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest, which for some cruel and ironic reason calmed the storm inside him with each breath. Mark frowned to himself. She wasn’t supposed to be able to do that anymore. They were broken up. His emotions should no longer be tied so closely to hers. He told himself everything he could to try and push her out of his heart.
But as Mark continued to watch her sleep, he didn’t notice how his breathing unconsciously began to mirror hers. Their chests moving in sync with every collective breath they took.
-----
Rolling her tongue around her mouth, a dirty ashtray came to Lexie’s mind. She hadn’t gotten drunk since med school and forgot how bad the next day always felt. Lexie groaned and pressed a hand to her left temple. It was like all the blood in her body seemed to be headed towards her head, making her feel like it was about to explode.
“Ow,” came her painful moan. “I’m never drinking again” she promised herself.
Lexie slowly sat up and took in her surroundings. She was in Meredith’s living room on the couch. Taking a quick look downward, Lexie was relieved to find her clothes still on her body. Drunkenly sleeping with someone was not something she wanted to experience for a second time. Moving at a glacial pace, Lexie reached forward for the aspirin and bottle of water left on the coffee table. The gesture made a smile appear on her face. Meredith didn’t think she had a maternal bone in her body but it was apparent by the way she took care of her last night that Meredith had a lot of maternal instincts buried deep deep inside her.
Opening the bottle, Lexie popped the two brown pills into her mouth and took a swig of water. She knew that the medicine wouldn’t kick in for a few minutes but she couldn’t help but feel better with the addition of fresh water into her system.
Gingerly testing her legs, Lexie slowly rose from the couch. Her stomach was growling and she wanted to eat something small just in case she got sick again. When she stood, Lexie heard a small thud as something hit the floor. Looking down, she realized that Meredith must have covered her with a blanket after she passed out. Bending down to pick it up, Lexie noticed it wasn't a blanket, but a jacket.
A leather jacket.
It suspiciously looked a lot like the leather jacket that he wore. Lexie frowned, that had to be wrong. What would Mark’s jacket be doing here? She was sure she would have remembered his presence even if she was drunk out of her mind.
Lexie lifted the jacket to her nose and inhaled. It was indeed Mark’s jacket. It smelled of cologne and smoke, clearly meaning he had been in a bar recently. She momentarily thought about throwing the jacket onto the couch but at the last minute, decided to wear it for some reason she couldn't imagine. The leather settled around her body like Mark’s arms wrapped around her. A small tear escaped her eye and ran down her cheek. Lexie wiped it away furiously as she walked to the kitchen.
Clearly from the appearance of Mark's jacket alone, Lexie should have realized that the unexpected was bound to happen. But that didn't keep her from being surprised by what she found behind the kitchen door.
Wow. That was pretty long. Hope you enjoyed it!
Review please :D
next chapter