just_muse_me | 29.10. Emily Kimbrough quote
"Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand."
(Quote by Emily Kimbrough)
Co-written with geniuscowboy
It wasn’t a particular nice day as far as the weather was concerned. It was overcast and the view of the beach indicated that there could be rain threatening later, so Eva knew it wasn’t the Miami sun that had Chris sitting outside on the balcony nursing a cup of coffee with his feet up on the railing. She watched him for a moment through the glass walls, the small frown on his face as he stared blankly out at the hospital grounds making her wonder what was on his mind. With a small, bracing sigh, she pushed the door open and went out to take the chair just a short distance away from him. “I hear Proctor finally got to your review,” she commented, hoping it was an adequate ice breaker, even if she still felt oddly awkward around him. “The plus side of having a quiet day, huh?”
Chris raised his eyebrows at her with a small laugh. “Yeah, plus side. I’m just taking in the views before I go to HR and hand in my photo ID and locker key.” He took a sip of his coffee, glancing at her over the top of the cup.
Eva’s mouth dropped open and she floundered, speechless for a moment. She put her hand up and waved it a bit. “I... I... he? He didn’t fire you!” she said with a small, stunned squeak as she gaped at him.
This, of course, earned a smirk. “No, he didn’t fire me. It went fine. Teach you for trying to be nosy and not straight to the point, though,” Chris told her, amused. “He’s impressed with my work ethic, commitment to the job, rapport with patients and staff... thinks I need to curb the recklessness a little and stop to think before I act, but hey, story of my life. He didn’t actually tell me I should do that, just firmly recommended it would be a good idea, yet also admitted that I seem to do some of my best work under pressure, which is an admirable quality for working in trauma.” He paused and flicked his thumb against the edge of the plastic lid. “He wants to meet with me in a few weeks to discuss my residency.”
Eva hadn’t been able to stifle heaving a sigh of relief when Chris confirmed he hadn’t been fired. But now she blinked, and frowned just a little. “Discuss your residency? Your residency needs discussing?” She pushed her hair back and tucked it behind her ear. “Why?”
Chris shrugged and put his cup down on the table next to him. “Because it’s nearly over. I assume that’s what he meant. Six months time, my residency is up. Something I’ve been more than aware of lately... on top of everything else.” He smirked and pointed to her. “Don’t go acting all surprised. It’s easy for you. Rainer had you pegged for a fellowship the first year of your residency. Me, I get to deal with Proctor, who I have butted heads with from day one. Sure, things are alright between us now, but he still has my career in his hands. He might want to take on another resident for Alpha rather than have two fellows.”
“I can see what you’re doing, you know. You might have been avoiding me lately, but I still know you. You’re trying to act indifferent, telling yourself you’ll just roll with the punches take whatever comes to you, but MT1 is your life and you’re not ready to walk away from it yet. You’re scared Proctor is going to turf you out before you’re ready, and you’re trying to deal with that on top of everything with Chris... and even everything with Dave. You should just be honest with Proctor, Chris. Talk to him about some of the stressors you have going on at the moment. He’s not an unreasonable monster, far from it. I think he would be shocked to hear that you’re worrying about the fate of your job right now,” Eva admitted softly, and leant forward in her chair so she could see his face and try to read those familiar features to get a clue what was going on with him lately. She had tried to talk to Rick, but even that felt really awkward and strained. She still couldn’t shake the thought that she had done something to piss the Deleo brothers off.
Chris frowned in confusion. “What? I haven’t been avoiding you. Alright, okay... technically maybe I have, if you stand on your head and squint to look at the situation, but I’ve been avoiding everyone. I’ve got a lot of shit going on right now, and I’m trying to figure it all out. Which, I realise, is going to make you wonder why I haven’t been speaking to you about any of it. But it’s not easy. I don’t want to go over and over it a lot of the time, and I just...” He stopped, looking over at her as a rush of words pushed forward but caught in his throat. “I’ve been seeing someone.”
This time, through her shock, Eva more than knew he wasn’t joking. Chris didn’t joke about this sort of thing, because it wouldn’t cross his mind to. His tone was serious and he was watching her for her reaction, she just was so stunned by the revelation out of left field that she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say. It really wasn’t something she could have anticipated he would say. “Oh... hey, that’s really great, Chris. You’ve been keeping it a secret, though? What, has she got two heads? How long have you been dating?” she asked, trying to keep the hurt from her tone that Chris hadn’t wanted to share this with her.
Chris shook his head and sat up in his chair. “No. C’mon, Eva. Don’t do this. Don’t make it personal, please? I know what you’re thinking and I just need you to not think this was me trying to screw you over and push you away as a friend. It’s not. My relationship has just been something I can have away from all the crap I’ve had to try and deal with here and with Rick. At first, she was just a friend and some good company, but it turned into more. It’s been going on a few months now, and she makes me really happy. You know it’s not like you and me were ever going to get it on. We would’ve ended up killing each other, you would have gotten bored and frustrated with my recklessness, and I would have wondered why the hell you couldn’t just chill and be a bit more reckless.”
Eva gave a small laugh, and had to nod in agreement at this, even if she was looking at him with a hint of regret in her dark eyes. “I just always figured you would be my fallback guy if I ever woke up one day and realised I wanted more out of life than my job. But it’s not happened yet, so maybe this is just what I’m meant to doing? You’re right, though. I’d end up slapping you and you’d end up bitching me out in the middle of MT1. Nothing but a huge mess waiting to happen,” she agreed a little shakily when she started to get emotional. She reached over and took his hand, giving his fingers an affectionate squeeze. “I’m happy for you, you know. I am. Completely out of left field, sure, but I can see you sticking if you found someone who matched you. I just never thought I would witness it in this lifetime. I mean, wow. Some chick has tamed the elusive Dr C? I feel like I should break out a brass band or something. Looking back, I guess I can see some of the signs. No random one night stands being bragged out, no more showing up to work in one shoe, no intense flirting with the nurses unless you want to butter them up for something. Some things really will never change. Just so you know, though? If she hurts you, I’ll push her into a vat of sharks covered in some of the blood bank’s finest A Pos plasma,” she vowed with a fond smirk. She paused for a moment and then looked at him seriously. “How are you? I mean, really.”
Chris squeezed Eva’s hand back and then kept a hold on it, relieved he managed to breach some of the gap between them. It was nice talking to her again, and it was a relief to admit to his secret, even if he hadn’t let slip the biggest part. He wasn’t sounding her out or anything like that, it was just getting too heavy a weight to carry around with him. He needed to at least tell her he was dating someone, and it could take a little bit of the heat off them. He had his review with Proctor that morning, but he hadn’t found the right opening to raise the subject of Serena with him. He had resorted, instead, to asking Proctor to join him for that beer on the weekend. He was hoping taking it away from work would indicate their intention of remaining professional on the job. “A bit better than I was a few days ago, I guess. Rick’s recovering from his operation pretty well. He’s going to come back and stay with me at my place, and he’ll start chemo in a week or two. I have no idea how he is going to go with that, but I’ll roll with it. Proctor is aware that I might need to drop my work hours to take care of Rick, and... well, he’s actually going to bring Dave up into Alpha to temp in my spot if I need time off. So, that’s all a relief in my mind. We aren’t going to know how he goes with the chemo until it starts. For now, he just needs to take it easy and rest to keep his strength up. I realise I completely avoided your question by talking about Rick, but the truth is, I’m not really sure how I am. Some days I feel fine, others I can’t sleep or think straight. It’s hard not having at least some control over the situation,” he ended with a sigh.
“I don’t want to step over any lines or anything, but if you need any help or a hand doing anything, just give me a call. It’s no secret I have no social life to speak of, but if there is anything I can do, you know I’m always here. I just need to know you’re at least doing okay and holding up. Your girlfriend... she knows about Rick? She’s taking care of you? Or are things not quite to that point yet?” Eva asked. If there was an overstepping of boundaries here with what Chris wanted to keep to himself and what he didn’t, she knew he would say something to her.
Chris smiled and nodded. “She knows about him. She’s been wonderful with it all. It’s been pretty awesome having someone there during the hard times before you even realise the hard times are hitting you, but yeah, she’s been taking care of me when we have had the time together. I know, I know... I never much seemed the sort in a hurry to stop and do the whole dating thing. I’ll be the first to admit that. I really wasn’t. This came out of left field just as much for me and her, but it works. Sort of makes me think that the whole marriage and settling down thing might be quite nice one day. It doesn’t feel like one of those things everyone else does, you know?”
Eva smiled, hearing some thunder rolling in the distance. “You look happy when you talk about her, you know. There’s some sort of calmness that comes over your face. Maybe one day when you’re a bit more at ease about the whole thing, you can bring her along for a drink with the team,” she suggested with a smile and gave his hand another squeeze as she stood up. “I’ve got to get back. Hopefully Tuck managed to rough Radiology up a little to get my scans back. Remember, if you need anything, you give me a shout, okay?” She leaned over and pressed a kiss to his ruffled blond hair and then headed back into MT1 to see to her patient.
Chris glanced over his shoulder, watching as Eva went back inside. With a rough sigh, he rested his head back against the chair and looked up at the greying sky as a weird guilt made itself known in his gut. He was still struggling to understand how something that made him look happy had to be something that was safer hidden, than not.
Word Count | 2,172
(Quote by Emily Kimbrough)
Co-written with geniuscowboy
It wasn’t a particular nice day as far as the weather was concerned. It was overcast and the view of the beach indicated that there could be rain threatening later, so Eva knew it wasn’t the Miami sun that had Chris sitting outside on the balcony nursing a cup of coffee with his feet up on the railing. She watched him for a moment through the glass walls, the small frown on his face as he stared blankly out at the hospital grounds making her wonder what was on his mind. With a small, bracing sigh, she pushed the door open and went out to take the chair just a short distance away from him. “I hear Proctor finally got to your review,” she commented, hoping it was an adequate ice breaker, even if she still felt oddly awkward around him. “The plus side of having a quiet day, huh?”
Chris raised his eyebrows at her with a small laugh. “Yeah, plus side. I’m just taking in the views before I go to HR and hand in my photo ID and locker key.” He took a sip of his coffee, glancing at her over the top of the cup.
Eva’s mouth dropped open and she floundered, speechless for a moment. She put her hand up and waved it a bit. “I... I... he? He didn’t fire you!” she said with a small, stunned squeak as she gaped at him.
This, of course, earned a smirk. “No, he didn’t fire me. It went fine. Teach you for trying to be nosy and not straight to the point, though,” Chris told her, amused. “He’s impressed with my work ethic, commitment to the job, rapport with patients and staff... thinks I need to curb the recklessness a little and stop to think before I act, but hey, story of my life. He didn’t actually tell me I should do that, just firmly recommended it would be a good idea, yet also admitted that I seem to do some of my best work under pressure, which is an admirable quality for working in trauma.” He paused and flicked his thumb against the edge of the plastic lid. “He wants to meet with me in a few weeks to discuss my residency.”
Eva hadn’t been able to stifle heaving a sigh of relief when Chris confirmed he hadn’t been fired. But now she blinked, and frowned just a little. “Discuss your residency? Your residency needs discussing?” She pushed her hair back and tucked it behind her ear. “Why?”
Chris shrugged and put his cup down on the table next to him. “Because it’s nearly over. I assume that’s what he meant. Six months time, my residency is up. Something I’ve been more than aware of lately... on top of everything else.” He smirked and pointed to her. “Don’t go acting all surprised. It’s easy for you. Rainer had you pegged for a fellowship the first year of your residency. Me, I get to deal with Proctor, who I have butted heads with from day one. Sure, things are alright between us now, but he still has my career in his hands. He might want to take on another resident for Alpha rather than have two fellows.”
“I can see what you’re doing, you know. You might have been avoiding me lately, but I still know you. You’re trying to act indifferent, telling yourself you’ll just roll with the punches take whatever comes to you, but MT1 is your life and you’re not ready to walk away from it yet. You’re scared Proctor is going to turf you out before you’re ready, and you’re trying to deal with that on top of everything with Chris... and even everything with Dave. You should just be honest with Proctor, Chris. Talk to him about some of the stressors you have going on at the moment. He’s not an unreasonable monster, far from it. I think he would be shocked to hear that you’re worrying about the fate of your job right now,” Eva admitted softly, and leant forward in her chair so she could see his face and try to read those familiar features to get a clue what was going on with him lately. She had tried to talk to Rick, but even that felt really awkward and strained. She still couldn’t shake the thought that she had done something to piss the Deleo brothers off.
Chris frowned in confusion. “What? I haven’t been avoiding you. Alright, okay... technically maybe I have, if you stand on your head and squint to look at the situation, but I’ve been avoiding everyone. I’ve got a lot of shit going on right now, and I’m trying to figure it all out. Which, I realise, is going to make you wonder why I haven’t been speaking to you about any of it. But it’s not easy. I don’t want to go over and over it a lot of the time, and I just...” He stopped, looking over at her as a rush of words pushed forward but caught in his throat. “I’ve been seeing someone.”
This time, through her shock, Eva more than knew he wasn’t joking. Chris didn’t joke about this sort of thing, because it wouldn’t cross his mind to. His tone was serious and he was watching her for her reaction, she just was so stunned by the revelation out of left field that she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say. It really wasn’t something she could have anticipated he would say. “Oh... hey, that’s really great, Chris. You’ve been keeping it a secret, though? What, has she got two heads? How long have you been dating?” she asked, trying to keep the hurt from her tone that Chris hadn’t wanted to share this with her.
Chris shook his head and sat up in his chair. “No. C’mon, Eva. Don’t do this. Don’t make it personal, please? I know what you’re thinking and I just need you to not think this was me trying to screw you over and push you away as a friend. It’s not. My relationship has just been something I can have away from all the crap I’ve had to try and deal with here and with Rick. At first, she was just a friend and some good company, but it turned into more. It’s been going on a few months now, and she makes me really happy. You know it’s not like you and me were ever going to get it on. We would’ve ended up killing each other, you would have gotten bored and frustrated with my recklessness, and I would have wondered why the hell you couldn’t just chill and be a bit more reckless.”
Eva gave a small laugh, and had to nod in agreement at this, even if she was looking at him with a hint of regret in her dark eyes. “I just always figured you would be my fallback guy if I ever woke up one day and realised I wanted more out of life than my job. But it’s not happened yet, so maybe this is just what I’m meant to doing? You’re right, though. I’d end up slapping you and you’d end up bitching me out in the middle of MT1. Nothing but a huge mess waiting to happen,” she agreed a little shakily when she started to get emotional. She reached over and took his hand, giving his fingers an affectionate squeeze. “I’m happy for you, you know. I am. Completely out of left field, sure, but I can see you sticking if you found someone who matched you. I just never thought I would witness it in this lifetime. I mean, wow. Some chick has tamed the elusive Dr C? I feel like I should break out a brass band or something. Looking back, I guess I can see some of the signs. No random one night stands being bragged out, no more showing up to work in one shoe, no intense flirting with the nurses unless you want to butter them up for something. Some things really will never change. Just so you know, though? If she hurts you, I’ll push her into a vat of sharks covered in some of the blood bank’s finest A Pos plasma,” she vowed with a fond smirk. She paused for a moment and then looked at him seriously. “How are you? I mean, really.”
Chris squeezed Eva’s hand back and then kept a hold on it, relieved he managed to breach some of the gap between them. It was nice talking to her again, and it was a relief to admit to his secret, even if he hadn’t let slip the biggest part. He wasn’t sounding her out or anything like that, it was just getting too heavy a weight to carry around with him. He needed to at least tell her he was dating someone, and it could take a little bit of the heat off them. He had his review with Proctor that morning, but he hadn’t found the right opening to raise the subject of Serena with him. He had resorted, instead, to asking Proctor to join him for that beer on the weekend. He was hoping taking it away from work would indicate their intention of remaining professional on the job. “A bit better than I was a few days ago, I guess. Rick’s recovering from his operation pretty well. He’s going to come back and stay with me at my place, and he’ll start chemo in a week or two. I have no idea how he is going to go with that, but I’ll roll with it. Proctor is aware that I might need to drop my work hours to take care of Rick, and... well, he’s actually going to bring Dave up into Alpha to temp in my spot if I need time off. So, that’s all a relief in my mind. We aren’t going to know how he goes with the chemo until it starts. For now, he just needs to take it easy and rest to keep his strength up. I realise I completely avoided your question by talking about Rick, but the truth is, I’m not really sure how I am. Some days I feel fine, others I can’t sleep or think straight. It’s hard not having at least some control over the situation,” he ended with a sigh.
“I don’t want to step over any lines or anything, but if you need any help or a hand doing anything, just give me a call. It’s no secret I have no social life to speak of, but if there is anything I can do, you know I’m always here. I just need to know you’re at least doing okay and holding up. Your girlfriend... she knows about Rick? She’s taking care of you? Or are things not quite to that point yet?” Eva asked. If there was an overstepping of boundaries here with what Chris wanted to keep to himself and what he didn’t, she knew he would say something to her.
Chris smiled and nodded. “She knows about him. She’s been wonderful with it all. It’s been pretty awesome having someone there during the hard times before you even realise the hard times are hitting you, but yeah, she’s been taking care of me when we have had the time together. I know, I know... I never much seemed the sort in a hurry to stop and do the whole dating thing. I’ll be the first to admit that. I really wasn’t. This came out of left field just as much for me and her, but it works. Sort of makes me think that the whole marriage and settling down thing might be quite nice one day. It doesn’t feel like one of those things everyone else does, you know?”
Eva smiled, hearing some thunder rolling in the distance. “You look happy when you talk about her, you know. There’s some sort of calmness that comes over your face. Maybe one day when you’re a bit more at ease about the whole thing, you can bring her along for a drink with the team,” she suggested with a smile and gave his hand another squeeze as she stood up. “I’ve got to get back. Hopefully Tuck managed to rough Radiology up a little to get my scans back. Remember, if you need anything, you give me a shout, okay?” She leaned over and pressed a kiss to his ruffled blond hair and then headed back into MT1 to see to her patient.
Chris glanced over his shoulder, watching as Eva went back inside. With a rough sigh, he rested his head back against the chair and looked up at the greying sky as a weird guilt made itself known in his gut. He was still struggling to understand how something that made him look happy had to be something that was safer hidden, than not.
Word Count | 2,172