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leave me an anonymous comment pouring your heart out. say anything. tell me your stories, your secrets, those things no one ever asks but you wish to tell. tell me abut your love, your hate, your indifference, your joy. tell me about what's inside of you when you're reading through these entries on your friends list, and tell me why you continue to
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AND I DONT EXPECT YOU TO READ THIS. BUT ITD BE COOL IF YOU DID.
I hate myselfffff more than anything.
i Can handle my personality.
but the way I look makes me sick.
and no matter what i do, it never changes.
and its about to drive me insannneee.
In fact, it already has. Which is why New years eve will be the best night ever. because ill get to let go. Finally.
I feel if i looked better, my look would simply be good. and id be able to handle ANYTHING because ill be happy with myself. But i dont feel like that day will ever come. Ever.
Lately, everythings been making me sad, and making me wonder constantly. literally everything. I was looking at my big stuffed dog the other week, and i started bawling, because i was thinking that one day, ill die. And that dog will no longer belong to anybody. And i start thinking "This dog was made intentionally for one person. And that one person is me, and once im gone, this dog will be alone, and its purpose, along with mine, will be diminished." And i start thinking the (fake)dog has feelings, and i feel like it will cry. AND IM GOING NUTS BECAUSE OF THINGS LIKE THIS. And every single thing is making me think about these things, and I know thats no way to live your life. But this is one of the few things i feel like i dont have control over. And the control issue isnt bothering me. The sadness issue is bothering me.
I cant get death off my mind.
If i weighed 100 pounds, I know my life would be perfect.
Because any problem i faced wouldnt matter. Because I would be attractive. And id deal with it.
Im not well.
but nobody knows.
Nobody.
its not that im afraid to tell them, because im not.
I dont know whats holding me back.
Im afraid of EVERYTHING lately.
I feel like im running out of time to live.
and im still young.
Im confused
and i dont know what to do.
I wish i had more control, and could stop eating.
thanks bye.
you can probably figure out who this is.
maybe.
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Anywho, either of the people I think it is, you're BEAUTIFUL. And I'm not just saying that, I wouldn't say anything if I truly meant it, unless you asked me. I'm being 9247837% honest. But I know what it's like wanting to get to 100 but you can't stop eating
:[. I just wish you could see how even if you did get to that weight, things might not go as planned. I know I'm a hypocrite when it comes to this.
The dog thing made me sad :[.
& well, now somebody knows. But that isn't gonna do any good when I don't know you in person. I wish you could seek help, but I'm just being a hypocrite again.
I LOVE YOU. And I'm always here if you need me, even if it's just a vent in an e-mail<3
BYE PRETTYLADYYY.
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