Blahhhhhh!
Wow.... it's the middle of August, and I should be freaking out. But I'm not. I don't really understand why I'm not yet, lol, I guess it just hasn't sunk in! Only 2 weeks, 5 days left to go before little Raiden is born, and I just.... am here. I'm not excited, although I want to hold him. I'm not scared, although I know the needle will hurt. I'm just not sure what to think I guess. Out of everything, I am worried. I am worried about money. I know that my little guy will get fed, because if the breastfeeding thing doesn't work out, we are on WIC. I'm just worried that we don't have the money to provide him with everything he'll need. I know that we'll be okay, I just wish I had a little bit more money to get him things like a bassinet, and a stroller.... but I have a bed that he can sleep in, which is mine, and I have a car seat, and those are the essentials. :)
I know that he is going to be precious.... I just am getting a little worried that I'm NOT worried! ha....
I am really really beginning to feel the fatigue. I felt it right after I got pregnant... felt it for several months... then for a few months I felt good. Not great, but a hell of a lot better than I had previous... and then I felt tired again..... now, it's about 100 times worse. I go to bed early, because I just about pass out... when I get up in the morning, no matter the amount of sleep, I feel like I haven't slept in days.... all throughout the afternoon all I can think about is how wonderful a nap would be, (oh, and what in my house would taste good to eat, lol) and then by the time it's time to go to sleep at night again, I am just EXHAUSTED. I am just soooo glad that those damned 24 hour urine things are over. Those are by far the biggest pain in the ass things I've had to conquer this pregnancy. :) Oh, and that damn bitch who bruised my right arm. lol My whole arm is sore.... and it's all cause she doesn't know how to take blood. lol I knew as soon as that needle went in, that I would be bruised. It just hurt too much. It's been over a week, and everytime Rayne lays on the crease on my right arm, I just about cry!
Anyway.... life is good I suppose. My baby shower is on Sunday!!!! I am so excited. That should be a lot of fun. I had a baby shower for Rayne, but it was like 2 ladies there, and they were ladies from work. Don't get me wrong, it was a lot of fun, but there are going to be so many ladies here for this one, I'm excited!!! I'm excited cause I get to celebrate having a baby. :) My last baby, even! Alexander Raiden Ratliff..... Ryan and I were talking the other day about how it is sooo weird to even think of having another little Ratliff running around.... it's just weirddddd lol
Speaking of other Ratliffs, hahahahahaha, Ryan got me two little kitties the other day. His friend from work was ETSing and he had a mom cat and three kittens.... and he liked the mom cat, and one of the kittens, but needed to get rid of two kittens... and I told ryan the only way we'd take them is if we could have them both. (which btw, was the BEST idea EVER!!!!) All they ever do is play together. lol They don't bother me, and since they have another kitty to play with, they don't bother Rayne. lol
I've been having weird dreams lately. I think it's because I really wonder where all my friends are these days. Like, I know where Jessie is. He's in Nashville, and he's married, and has been for over 2 years. He's married to a girl I knew from church, and I like her. And they seem happy. I have NO idea where Nathan is, nor Shane, nor Roland..... none of them. I really wonder where they are in life. Someone told me a while back where Roland was... that he was doing good working at a car dealer... but other than that, I know nothing. And those guys and I were soooo close just a few short years ago. I hate to think how far we've drifted apart.....
Only a few short months before Ryan leaves again. Ughhhhhh, I soooo am not looking forward to that. It's going to be so hard living by myself with two children. I am barely surviving now... and in what? 2 months, I'll be doing it all by myself. I wish there was a way that I could go home, but there isn't. I have to clear housing, and put all my stuff in storage, and we can't even afford to do that until AFTER Ryan's gone, and I can't put all our stuff in storage by myself. lol Our stuff is just too heavy. I really liked the idea of having Carolyn come up here and live, but there's no way to get a three bedroom. The waiting list for it is 24 months.... I could easily give her my bedroom, and I could sleep on the couch or a comfy futon, cause god knows for those 12-18 months, I ain't gettin' any action, LMAO, so it wouldn't bother me to give up my room... I just don't know. I think I'd be happier if I were back home, like she's living with someone now, and I know she's happy there. :) She loves those little boys! I don't know, we'll have to see. Either way, I am trying to think of the positive things.... like him being gone a year will get all our bills paid off except his truck... like our credit cards, computer, and my car, if those were paid off, we'd have sooo much money to put into savings. lol That is the ONLY thing that gets me geared up for this deployment. He keeps telling me to think of the positive, and that's what I am trying to do. I will miss him. 12-18 months is a really really long time....
Well I have a headache, so I'm going to go take a few tylenol, and kick back on the couch, since I AM on bedrest and all.
Thanks for listening, although I've neglected you for what? Too long to count....I'm sorry.
Talk soon.
I know that he is going to be precious.... I just am getting a little worried that I'm NOT worried! ha....
I am really really beginning to feel the fatigue. I felt it right after I got pregnant... felt it for several months... then for a few months I felt good. Not great, but a hell of a lot better than I had previous... and then I felt tired again..... now, it's about 100 times worse. I go to bed early, because I just about pass out... when I get up in the morning, no matter the amount of sleep, I feel like I haven't slept in days.... all throughout the afternoon all I can think about is how wonderful a nap would be, (oh, and what in my house would taste good to eat, lol) and then by the time it's time to go to sleep at night again, I am just EXHAUSTED. I am just soooo glad that those damned 24 hour urine things are over. Those are by far the biggest pain in the ass things I've had to conquer this pregnancy. :) Oh, and that damn bitch who bruised my right arm. lol My whole arm is sore.... and it's all cause she doesn't know how to take blood. lol I knew as soon as that needle went in, that I would be bruised. It just hurt too much. It's been over a week, and everytime Rayne lays on the crease on my right arm, I just about cry!
Anyway.... life is good I suppose. My baby shower is on Sunday!!!! I am so excited. That should be a lot of fun. I had a baby shower for Rayne, but it was like 2 ladies there, and they were ladies from work. Don't get me wrong, it was a lot of fun, but there are going to be so many ladies here for this one, I'm excited!!! I'm excited cause I get to celebrate having a baby. :) My last baby, even! Alexander Raiden Ratliff..... Ryan and I were talking the other day about how it is sooo weird to even think of having another little Ratliff running around.... it's just weirddddd lol
Speaking of other Ratliffs, hahahahahaha, Ryan got me two little kitties the other day. His friend from work was ETSing and he had a mom cat and three kittens.... and he liked the mom cat, and one of the kittens, but needed to get rid of two kittens... and I told ryan the only way we'd take them is if we could have them both. (which btw, was the BEST idea EVER!!!!) All they ever do is play together. lol They don't bother me, and since they have another kitty to play with, they don't bother Rayne. lol
I've been having weird dreams lately. I think it's because I really wonder where all my friends are these days. Like, I know where Jessie is. He's in Nashville, and he's married, and has been for over 2 years. He's married to a girl I knew from church, and I like her. And they seem happy. I have NO idea where Nathan is, nor Shane, nor Roland..... none of them. I really wonder where they are in life. Someone told me a while back where Roland was... that he was doing good working at a car dealer... but other than that, I know nothing. And those guys and I were soooo close just a few short years ago. I hate to think how far we've drifted apart.....
Only a few short months before Ryan leaves again. Ughhhhhh, I soooo am not looking forward to that. It's going to be so hard living by myself with two children. I am barely surviving now... and in what? 2 months, I'll be doing it all by myself. I wish there was a way that I could go home, but there isn't. I have to clear housing, and put all my stuff in storage, and we can't even afford to do that until AFTER Ryan's gone, and I can't put all our stuff in storage by myself. lol Our stuff is just too heavy. I really liked the idea of having Carolyn come up here and live, but there's no way to get a three bedroom. The waiting list for it is 24 months.... I could easily give her my bedroom, and I could sleep on the couch or a comfy futon, cause god knows for those 12-18 months, I ain't gettin' any action, LMAO, so it wouldn't bother me to give up my room... I just don't know. I think I'd be happier if I were back home, like she's living with someone now, and I know she's happy there. :) She loves those little boys! I don't know, we'll have to see. Either way, I am trying to think of the positive things.... like him being gone a year will get all our bills paid off except his truck... like our credit cards, computer, and my car, if those were paid off, we'd have sooo much money to put into savings. lol That is the ONLY thing that gets me geared up for this deployment. He keeps telling me to think of the positive, and that's what I am trying to do. I will miss him. 12-18 months is a really really long time....
Well I have a headache, so I'm going to go take a few tylenol, and kick back on the couch, since I AM on bedrest and all.
Thanks for listening, although I've neglected you for what? Too long to count....I'm sorry.
Talk soon.