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[drying_out]

I seriously cant believe how far youre going with this. I never lied to you. Not once. when i saidi love you and cared about you i meant it. and to this day i do. Maybe youjust wnat me to be lying er somethign idk. But its clear that i wasnt good enoug at showing it. It didnt mean anything... you took some girl on a date! I didnt get pissed. I dont understand. Yeh it was shitty and im really sorry that i hurt your feelings. i never meant to and yea i should have thought about things before i did it but i mean really what time is there to think? it happened and that was that. I dont talk to him anymore at all. It really didnt matter. maybe that makes it even more stupid but w/e. Im sorry that i hurt you. i cant even express it.. But is not talking to me really the way to solve it? If you care about me as much as you say then its killing you to not talk to me. But all i know for sure is that it is tearing me apart. literally. I have gotten no sleep i cant think or foucous on anything b/c everything i see goes back to that one time.. its so annoying. Im trying to do as you ask and just give you time but i just cant see it helping. But im not going to get in your way. As much as it kills me iu have no room to talk b/c what i did killed you. But it seems that you think its EASY for me to not talk to you andyou really have no idea. I cant do anything. Its amazing. It is so much easier to call you up and talk then to remember that i cant call you. It just kills me. Idk how to explain it. I hear you and i seee pix of you and i feel like someone is freaking stabbing me@@
UIRUGHURHGUGTH! idk. i know youre the only one that reads this and maybe its lame to tell you in this way but i cant call you and i cant IM you so what choice do you leave me?. im sorry.

<3