Really Long Insight Into My Life as of Late
Ok so I just got into bed for like, 5 minutes, and realized that I wouldn't be able to sleep very well until I got all of this out. Get ready for this!
So, for the past like...2 days I have been mulling over making a huge life shift. This is the result of a few things. One of them is that I am really fucking sick of being a waitress. When I first started back in high school, it was a perfectly acceptable and sometimes pleasing job choice. That continued throughout college. Now I just despise it. I don't despise the money (although sometimes I wish I did because it would make it a lot easier to quit) and I don't despise the people I work with. But everything else I hate. I hate being a servant, I hate the odd hours, I hate that I don't want to add people from high school on facebook because I don't want them to see that I am "just" a waitress. I basically hate that it is this kind of shameful, looked down upon profession. Which is actually really sad because myself and my co-workers (well, most of them) are not lame, stupid people. We're all pretty normal and intelligent to some degree, but whatever, I don't dictate societal rule. Basically, it is just a mindless annoying job that I do not want to be doing for the rest of my life. And I remember last year during training they were talking about employee benefits you gain after you work there for a year, and I said to myself, "well i certainly won't be working here for a year." yeah...training started the dec. 26th 2007. I will totally end up working there for a year, and then some.
The other thing that has got me wanting a change is my severe disappointment in the jobs I have been searching for. First of all, there aren't that many jobs around that have to do with the arts/film/comedy/whatever. There never really are, and there REALLY aren't right now thanks to this awesome economy. And even the ones I have come across haven't really been all that great to begin with. I was really excited about this "internship" i got with The Onion in SF, but I am already so meeehhhhhh about it and I haven't really even done anything yet. The first meeting I went to annoyed me to no end for various reasons. And then this past Sunday I was supposed to go work at the Comedy Day Festival for them in Golden Gate Park, and on the way I got a flat tire (ON THE BAY BRIDGE...totally different story) and ended up not going. The part that got me thinking was that I was actually kind of relieved that I got a flat tire so I didn't have to go. Um, shouldn't I have been really excited about working at an all day comedy festival? Especially when I had backstage access? One would think. But I so wasn't. And the other upcoming events I am supposed to help out with I am even less excited about. Like next week they are releasing a special issue and want us to all dress up like Newsies and pass out the paper on street corners in the city. Um, no. This is why I said "internship" cause its really not so much. Its basically just showing up once a month when they want you to do stuff they dont want to do. Which is KIND of the essence of an internship, but I guess my whole deal is I'm sick of all of this grunt work BS. I will be 25 in November. TWENTY-FIVE. I dont want to dress up like a fucking newsie and pass out papers. I want a JOB, Goddammit. I'm sick of this shit.
I'm not saying I want to be a secretary, something I would not enjoy, just so I can have a "real" job. But for years I have always kicked something around in my head but never really considered it because I always assumed I would be doing something way "cooler". But now I'm not, and some of the things I thought would be way cooler I found out I hate, so here we are. I'm thinking of going back to DVC and doing a certificate or something of the sort in Early Childhood Education with the hopes of becoming a pre-school teacher.
I have been avoiding this career choice for a few reasons, one of them being my mom. This sounds snotty or whatever, but I never really wanted to do something that my mom did (if you didn't know, my mom has been a pre-school teacher for almost 20 years). I just thought it would be lame to follow in your parents footsteps, not to mention the footsteps of half of my family members. Not only is my mom a pre-school teacher, so are my mom's two sisters. And recently my own sister has become a teacher (she teaches middle school, but same idea). I always wanted to be "different", but lately I have been thinking--maybe we are all teachers for a reason? Maybe it is in our blood? Maybe we are good at it?
There are few things I have done in my life that I have actually felt I am better at that most people, one of them is waitressing (and we already went over that) and another is dealing with little kids. I've always enjoyed most children and until recently I have discovered that many people in fact, do not. And years ago I actually worked for a summer at my mom's pre-school and liked it waaaaaayyyy more than I thought I would. And all of my co-workers always said that I was a natural. They actually offered me an assisting job, but I was going off to UCSB so I couldn't take it.
I also am trying to be more realistic about life. I used to have all of this wild aspirations that I was going to be a comedian. Or a writer. Or a performer. Or whatever. Really what I wanted to do was be Tina Fey. And when I was 7 I wanted to be Paula Abdul (thank GOD I got over that). But those are jobs, those are people. And now that I am growing up I see they are not the same thing. And also, there are things about Tina Fey's life that are not that appealing to me. I don't want to live in New York or LA, not even a little bit. I don't want to be working weird times and hours and have an insane lifestyle. And (this is weird for me to even think let alone type) but I want to have kids when I'm 30ish, and I want to have a family-friendly job. If possible, I don't want to do nannies and jet-setting and crazy schedule confusion. I kind of just want to be semi-normal (we all know I will never be totally normal) family.
Not to say if I was to become a pre-school teacher I would totally just not be myself. I actually would like to combine my two areas of study at some point in the future and do childrens' media and/or childrens' theater stuff. That could work, right?
I just want to get my life on some sort of track that leads somewhere.
Ok, I am done using this lj as my personal therapy. Thank you for reading.
P.S. Adric--I'm not ignoring you, I just had an insaaaaane past few days, but I am planning on calling you tomorrow to discuss. Actually, I bet I will call you before you read this. So nevermind.
So, for the past like...2 days I have been mulling over making a huge life shift. This is the result of a few things. One of them is that I am really fucking sick of being a waitress. When I first started back in high school, it was a perfectly acceptable and sometimes pleasing job choice. That continued throughout college. Now I just despise it. I don't despise the money (although sometimes I wish I did because it would make it a lot easier to quit) and I don't despise the people I work with. But everything else I hate. I hate being a servant, I hate the odd hours, I hate that I don't want to add people from high school on facebook because I don't want them to see that I am "just" a waitress. I basically hate that it is this kind of shameful, looked down upon profession. Which is actually really sad because myself and my co-workers (well, most of them) are not lame, stupid people. We're all pretty normal and intelligent to some degree, but whatever, I don't dictate societal rule. Basically, it is just a mindless annoying job that I do not want to be doing for the rest of my life. And I remember last year during training they were talking about employee benefits you gain after you work there for a year, and I said to myself, "well i certainly won't be working here for a year." yeah...training started the dec. 26th 2007. I will totally end up working there for a year, and then some.
The other thing that has got me wanting a change is my severe disappointment in the jobs I have been searching for. First of all, there aren't that many jobs around that have to do with the arts/film/comedy/whatever. There never really are, and there REALLY aren't right now thanks to this awesome economy. And even the ones I have come across haven't really been all that great to begin with. I was really excited about this "internship" i got with The Onion in SF, but I am already so meeehhhhhh about it and I haven't really even done anything yet. The first meeting I went to annoyed me to no end for various reasons. And then this past Sunday I was supposed to go work at the Comedy Day Festival for them in Golden Gate Park, and on the way I got a flat tire (ON THE BAY BRIDGE...totally different story) and ended up not going. The part that got me thinking was that I was actually kind of relieved that I got a flat tire so I didn't have to go. Um, shouldn't I have been really excited about working at an all day comedy festival? Especially when I had backstage access? One would think. But I so wasn't. And the other upcoming events I am supposed to help out with I am even less excited about. Like next week they are releasing a special issue and want us to all dress up like Newsies and pass out the paper on street corners in the city. Um, no. This is why I said "internship" cause its really not so much. Its basically just showing up once a month when they want you to do stuff they dont want to do. Which is KIND of the essence of an internship, but I guess my whole deal is I'm sick of all of this grunt work BS. I will be 25 in November. TWENTY-FIVE. I dont want to dress up like a fucking newsie and pass out papers. I want a JOB, Goddammit. I'm sick of this shit.
I'm not saying I want to be a secretary, something I would not enjoy, just so I can have a "real" job. But for years I have always kicked something around in my head but never really considered it because I always assumed I would be doing something way "cooler". But now I'm not, and some of the things I thought would be way cooler I found out I hate, so here we are. I'm thinking of going back to DVC and doing a certificate or something of the sort in Early Childhood Education with the hopes of becoming a pre-school teacher.
I have been avoiding this career choice for a few reasons, one of them being my mom. This sounds snotty or whatever, but I never really wanted to do something that my mom did (if you didn't know, my mom has been a pre-school teacher for almost 20 years). I just thought it would be lame to follow in your parents footsteps, not to mention the footsteps of half of my family members. Not only is my mom a pre-school teacher, so are my mom's two sisters. And recently my own sister has become a teacher (she teaches middle school, but same idea). I always wanted to be "different", but lately I have been thinking--maybe we are all teachers for a reason? Maybe it is in our blood? Maybe we are good at it?
There are few things I have done in my life that I have actually felt I am better at that most people, one of them is waitressing (and we already went over that) and another is dealing with little kids. I've always enjoyed most children and until recently I have discovered that many people in fact, do not. And years ago I actually worked for a summer at my mom's pre-school and liked it waaaaaayyyy more than I thought I would. And all of my co-workers always said that I was a natural. They actually offered me an assisting job, but I was going off to UCSB so I couldn't take it.
I also am trying to be more realistic about life. I used to have all of this wild aspirations that I was going to be a comedian. Or a writer. Or a performer. Or whatever. Really what I wanted to do was be Tina Fey. And when I was 7 I wanted to be Paula Abdul (thank GOD I got over that). But those are jobs, those are people. And now that I am growing up I see they are not the same thing. And also, there are things about Tina Fey's life that are not that appealing to me. I don't want to live in New York or LA, not even a little bit. I don't want to be working weird times and hours and have an insane lifestyle. And (this is weird for me to even think let alone type) but I want to have kids when I'm 30ish, and I want to have a family-friendly job. If possible, I don't want to do nannies and jet-setting and crazy schedule confusion. I kind of just want to be semi-normal (we all know I will never be totally normal) family.
Not to say if I was to become a pre-school teacher I would totally just not be myself. I actually would like to combine my two areas of study at some point in the future and do childrens' media and/or childrens' theater stuff. That could work, right?
I just want to get my life on some sort of track that leads somewhere.
Ok, I am done using this lj as my personal therapy. Thank you for reading.
P.S. Adric--I'm not ignoring you, I just had an insaaaaane past few days, but I am planning on calling you tomorrow to discuss. Actually, I bet I will call you before you read this. So nevermind.