A Three-Way Madness Post
Well I agreed to do a 3-way rant with two other people who shall remain nameless and we shall see whether they keep up their end of the bargain. I'm pretty fustrated right now, with both myself and other people. I have to change, I need to change, yet I can't make myself do it. I am one messed up person.
Of course that's not to say that all of these people aren't also incredibly driving me insane. Whether it's impressions of hating just about everything, an inability to keep oneself healthy or just plain old hating me, sometimes I wonder about why I have such a host of such dysfunctionally weird friends. Oh and my brother's a jerk whose an inconsiderate selfish little boy who I honestly think probably won't ever deserve to be called a man.
I just don't feel like Christmas, am attempting to fake it and I think I"m doing okayish but I am pretty angry about some of the things that people do right now. If I'm this fustrated, I wonder if they're equally fustrated with me. But seriously how am I suppose to be all jolly and feel good will towards everyone when someone is being so egomaniacal? The world doesn't revolve around you and I'm pretty sure you think that I'm missing something by not being your friend, but I don't really think so. I'm still annoyed, but that's cuz in a lot of ways I still have to deal with you and you're incredibly black and white morals that you yourself don't follow. I"m still angry at you because to me you don't know what being a real friend is about. And this new situation isn't making things any better. You're actions are so incredibly cruel and you think that makes you a great friend? I MUST let this go, you don't think of me, I don't need to think of you, but you're still impacting my life in other ways. I can't just ignore it like you do.
I wish you would lighten up and not be so serious. You're so focused and restrained, so cold to your family. I just don't know what you're going to do with all the money and the prestige. You seem to have so little joy. I wish you joy for Christmas.
For you, I wish you wouldn't have such strong ego in many ways. Not all of us can win all the times. Do you even realize you're such a sore loser? We do and it's a little sad and disturbing. Not every win is because of your skill and every loss doesn't need to be taken to heart. You dig so subtly a lot of people dont' realize. Your way isn't the only way.
I'm not sure what I wish for you. Maybe to finally move on and not see the world with such blinders when it comes to her. You two just spiral endlessly. I wish love was enough.
I think for you I wish that you'd be less rigid. It's hard for me cuz we are different and like different people, different things. But you just dismiss all of it, dismiss me in many ways. I wish you didn't.
I really hope that you gain the closure you're looking for. And if not that then i wish you could move on. Perhaps even gain more understanding about the people around you. I dont' like being fustrated at you, I don't like wanting to ignore you. I do want to be your friend, but I'm not sure how other than being a gaming buddy and simply listening.
I wish you wouldn't do things to yourself and then make me feel like a beast for not feeling bad for you or giving sympathy. You do it to yourself. You know you do it to yourself. You don't need to not sleep, not eat, work 16 hours in one day. Why do you deserve to get sympathy from me. If I collapsed from consciously choosing to run myself into the ground needlessly even after warnings from all of my friends, I don't believe that I should be inundated with wellwishers who are like Wow Liz you work so hard. I love you, but you don't always deserve all the praise that you get. I wish you could make me feel in your art. It feels so odd that I'm not moved by your magnificent pieces of work. Maybe I've just had the experience of too many great artists, but yours just doesn't quite move me.
I wish for you my friend to learn all the intricacies of friendship, all the subtle messages that we all seem to expect us all to know.. You're making progress! You can do it!
To you, I wish I was a fairy, able to bestow with the wave a wand all the magic in the world to help and to entrance. I would wish for you more time. More time in the day to accomplish all the billions of things that you want to do. And maybe a little of the fixing of the people that doesn't require chamberpots over the head...or perhaps that ONLY requires that chamberpot.
I guess...
...this is my Grown-Up Christmas List.