SPLIT SCREEN SADNESS
yes, yes it did.
Im still awake, it scared the crap out of me. haha. and I have to be to work in 2 hours. fun fun fun. did I not just do this same exact thing on monday? this cannot be healthy, ugh. I need coffee, and I cant stand the taste of coffee.
theres something about the night that just calms me, and I hate to leave it. although I annoy myself by sleeping away my day. daytime is beautiful, night time is peaceful, and I want the best of both worlds. selfish me. oh well.
I attempted to sleep once, but syl woke me up. love her. she needs to learn to drive, I offered to teach her. Im a man(or woman rather) of my word, so I still have every intention of doing so. perhaps we'll start saturday. Im excited. I wouldnt mind driving to sac on my days off. I usually waste them in front of the computer anyway, lame. gas is annoyingly expensive but the two great things in sacramento are worth it, and I guess I can afford it. Ive known her for so long too, and shes so damn cute and weird, and sweet, and all that stuff that you want your friend to be! ^_^ she needs to get out of her house anyway, Id love to spend more time with her.
I need to do more productive things with my money, god would be ashamed. Im so fortunate to have my job, yet I spend my money on crap and have nothing to show for it. that should stop.
other great thing in sac is jared. love him. no marty, hes not gay, youre a queer. haha. I just spent a long time reading his old blogs, for the damn of it. its a shame him and syl dont live closer, Id have a blast. hes the single most intresting boy Ive ever met. only cause I cant figure him out and he adores me for an unknown reason. O_O completely nutty and all that is wreckless. things that I am not, but things I think I need. my life's too safe anyway. I know I can learn a lot from him, and I plan to. he is beautiful and Im fortunate to have met him. I just hope he lets me in to his crazy little world, and lets me stay. Im intruiged by everything he is, that Im not.
I hope the dentist helps his poor ass too, so much pain. poor kid
Im really blessed with my life, I dont always realize it. thats a shame, but completely unintentional. I love the people I know, and I know Im loved by them. they're so good to me. I dont know if I deserve it, but I get it for some reason... I always try to let them know I love them, sometimes it just doesnt come out though. (I do love you dad, I just forgot how to show it. and that brings tears to my eyes. but maybe its the lack of sleep. Ill stop writing in the parenthesis now) haha. god, thats such a fucked up relationship. ugh. oh well, back to good. Im really cold, and have been for days. this needs to end. its not supposed to rain in may, pure shit.
I hmmm...I want someone who knows me completely. who will know what Im thinking before I say it. someone that compliements me perfectly. that is just as thoughtful about me, as I am to them. do things for no reason, stuff like that. one I know will pick me to spend time and do fun things with. someone Ill annoy, but will forgive me for it. haha one that just loves me as much as I love them =). this person doesnt necessarily have to be male, or come in that form of a relationship. but I just want that kind of lovely person in my life.
I hate thinking I wish I had a friend like me. it seems so selfish, right? Im a 'treat others the way you want to be treated' kind of girl. I guess underappreciated could be a good word for it. but maybe people dont notice because what I do isnt that big of a deal anyway. and only I would think something like that was a big thing...ahhh Ive confused myself.
its been that way my whole life. I guess that is a pretty selfish thought, but humans are a selfish species. ???
I guess sometimes I feel unnoticed. not that I dont matter, just that I dont make a difference, an impression...some kind of statement. Im not asking to stand out, people make me nervous... I just want to be significant to someones existance, that would make me feel I have a purpose. and for some reason, I want that feeling...I dont know if that means that Im not content in being significant to myself or not. ahhh
I guess this ended rather abruptly, but I lost my train of thought.
oh well. I need to go straighten my hair, and get ready for work. Im not so tired, sleeping would have failed anyway. I want my new bed, so so bad. cant wait for that.
this blog turned out to be more than I intended..woops. perhaps Ill delete it later. why do I get like this sometimes? how freakin weird am I? oh man. O_O
EDIT: they lyrics at the top of the page, in the purple bar, describe my odd adolesent feelings ever so perfectly.
and I hate how the 'moods' dont look like I look when I pick them. ahah
Im still awake, it scared the crap out of me. haha. and I have to be to work in 2 hours. fun fun fun. did I not just do this same exact thing on monday? this cannot be healthy, ugh. I need coffee, and I cant stand the taste of coffee.
theres something about the night that just calms me, and I hate to leave it. although I annoy myself by sleeping away my day. daytime is beautiful, night time is peaceful, and I want the best of both worlds. selfish me. oh well.
I attempted to sleep once, but syl woke me up. love her. she needs to learn to drive, I offered to teach her. Im a man(or woman rather) of my word, so I still have every intention of doing so. perhaps we'll start saturday. Im excited. I wouldnt mind driving to sac on my days off. I usually waste them in front of the computer anyway, lame. gas is annoyingly expensive but the two great things in sacramento are worth it, and I guess I can afford it. Ive known her for so long too, and shes so damn cute and weird, and sweet, and all that stuff that you want your friend to be! ^_^ she needs to get out of her house anyway, Id love to spend more time with her.
I need to do more productive things with my money, god would be ashamed. Im so fortunate to have my job, yet I spend my money on crap and have nothing to show for it. that should stop.
other great thing in sac is jared. love him. no marty, hes not gay, youre a queer. haha. I just spent a long time reading his old blogs, for the damn of it. its a shame him and syl dont live closer, Id have a blast. hes the single most intresting boy Ive ever met. only cause I cant figure him out and he adores me for an unknown reason. O_O completely nutty and all that is wreckless. things that I am not, but things I think I need. my life's too safe anyway. I know I can learn a lot from him, and I plan to. he is beautiful and Im fortunate to have met him. I just hope he lets me in to his crazy little world, and lets me stay. Im intruiged by everything he is, that Im not.
I hope the dentist helps his poor ass too, so much pain. poor kid
Im really blessed with my life, I dont always realize it. thats a shame, but completely unintentional. I love the people I know, and I know Im loved by them. they're so good to me. I dont know if I deserve it, but I get it for some reason... I always try to let them know I love them, sometimes it just doesnt come out though. (I do love you dad, I just forgot how to show it. and that brings tears to my eyes. but maybe its the lack of sleep. Ill stop writing in the parenthesis now) haha. god, thats such a fucked up relationship. ugh. oh well, back to good. Im really cold, and have been for days. this needs to end. its not supposed to rain in may, pure shit.
I hmmm...I want someone who knows me completely. who will know what Im thinking before I say it. someone that compliements me perfectly. that is just as thoughtful about me, as I am to them. do things for no reason, stuff like that. one I know will pick me to spend time and do fun things with. someone Ill annoy, but will forgive me for it. haha one that just loves me as much as I love them =). this person doesnt necessarily have to be male, or come in that form of a relationship. but I just want that kind of lovely person in my life.
I hate thinking I wish I had a friend like me. it seems so selfish, right? Im a 'treat others the way you want to be treated' kind of girl. I guess underappreciated could be a good word for it. but maybe people dont notice because what I do isnt that big of a deal anyway. and only I would think something like that was a big thing...ahhh Ive confused myself.
its been that way my whole life. I guess that is a pretty selfish thought, but humans are a selfish species. ???
I guess sometimes I feel unnoticed. not that I dont matter, just that I dont make a difference, an impression...some kind of statement. Im not asking to stand out, people make me nervous... I just want to be significant to someones existance, that would make me feel I have a purpose. and for some reason, I want that feeling...I dont know if that means that Im not content in being significant to myself or not. ahhh
I guess this ended rather abruptly, but I lost my train of thought.
oh well. I need to go straighten my hair, and get ready for work. Im not so tired, sleeping would have failed anyway. I want my new bed, so so bad. cant wait for that.
this blog turned out to be more than I intended..woops. perhaps Ill delete it later. why do I get like this sometimes? how freakin weird am I? oh man. O_O
EDIT: they lyrics at the top of the page, in the purple bar, describe my odd adolesent feelings ever so perfectly.
and I hate how the 'moods' dont look like I look when I pick them. ahah